Well, me agina. It is amazing what I came up with tonight. Its 12:05 am and H is not home. XXXXes me off. I went out with some friends tongiht, feeling pretty good actually, right now anyways. I came to the conclusion tonight actually earlier, befor I met my friends. I don't know if the rest of you feel this but I do. I realized for the first time since this happened that I do realize what i did to destroy this marriage. I was not there. I was not giving love so he found it some place else. I have no one to blame but myself. I was anxious to talk to him cuz of this. But right now would probably not be a good time. I am screwewd up thats for sure. Please forgive the typing errors ok!! But really I realized that i did not make my marriage marriage proof!! I took things for granted. He said earlier today, that WE didn't fight about anything but the kids (my kids). I told him to take control of that but now I reqalize that was wrong. I need to take control I was the one not puting anything into the relationship, I was not taking control of my kids. It is not up to him, it is up to me. I want to blame the affair on him but its really both of us and I finally realized this. I was hoping he would be home, but hes with her im sure so I could talk to him about this. I will tell him tomorrow (better anyways) . This is so crazy and I hurt so much. I love my husband and want to make this marriage work. I know we can. I know he still loves me but is confused, as I am. Please pray for us and that everthing will work out. Foot Steps in the Sand, I hope Jesus is carring me now, cuz I truly need it. This is not the time to be writing all of this but I can't help it, its become MY ADDICTION. I realize what I've done to destroy this marriage and I am determined to get it back. I love him and I know he loves me. I will write again tomorrow when I am in a better frame of mind, its pretty difficult right now, too many mistakes.

I'm new to be writing but I've been reading for a while. To be honest, I've had a hard time taking much responsibity for our troubles and feel that I need to change this. The pain you are experiencing must be tremendous. I was spared the agony of knowing about the relationship and living with it ongoing. My H had pretty much ended it when I found out. I can certainly understand why having an outlet is so important for you and hope you will be very kind to yourself about your need to write. I hope you can feel God holding you tight as He/She carries you on that barren beach. I will pray for you, dear soul.

Yea Trobledec!<P> I think one of the first steps to healing is to see the whole picture. Take responsibiliyty for your part, but not for his. Now you know what you need to work on to make your relationship better than ever. And when you make a change in yourself, your whole relationship will shift in response.<P> Just don't overwhelm your H with your newfound knowledge. Education of the spouse is a lovebuster to most. Good luck!<BR>Lora