I've been reading things about honesty on here but how do you tell wife about your feelings when she is still hiding everything from you. If you bring it up you are confronting and its a HUGE LOVEBUSTER, but if i do go to plan B, i guess my feelings can be in the letter in one form or another.<BR>Derek

As the song goes, "Honesty is such a lonely word, but mostly what I need from you" I played Billy Joel for HOURS before he admitted to the affair. I wanted so badly to confront but I held off. I kinda tricked him into admitting the affair when he kept saying he loved me, thought I was a great mother, great lover, his best friend, yet he wanted out.....I told him the only way I would understand this is if there was some woman in the picture......He finally admitted it. No lovebusting to get the confirmation but I sure did lovebust when he finally admitted the truth, I completely lost it..<BR>My counsellor said that I couldn't face up to him until I was ready to and that I wouldn't hear the truth until I was ready to hear it......She was right. The truth is that there isn't lovebusting in confrontation but there is in the continue ignorance of the truth. I would have to say that you should prepare yourself to accept the truth no matter how much or little of it she gives back to you. Do NOT lovebust once the truth finally is revealed. But to confront isn't a lovebust when your sure, it's to reveal the truth and put aside all the lying and get on with recovery. I pray this helps you.God Bless!<P>------------------<BR>Chick's <BR>Bren<P>You won't see things until your ready to not be blind!

Thanks Chic, I am ready to accept the truth and i accept it. It hurts really bad but she hasn't even tried to tell me and continues to play the game and i feel if i confront than it will be a huge lovebuster.<BR>Derek

Why does it feel as though your love busting when your just saying the truth. Lovebusting is to continue to play the game and not admit to the problems as hand. Even if she's not willing to accept the problem there is something the two of you need to work on and she really needs to reassure you that she will. I would say, Ok, maybe, maybe not, but I still have these bad feelings and am reaching out to you. I really want to work some stuff out, is there something we can do?? Then go one. Asking for help is not lovebusting, it is reaching out and tying to connect again. God Bless!<P>------------------<BR>Chick's <BR>Bren<P>You won't see things until your ready to not be blind!

I think i am going to take a mini Plan B from her and the kids. I have been getting really frustrated with the kids and than my anger for her builds cause how i reacted with the kids. I am going to ask her to take the kids for the next couple of days cause i need a break for myself to think. She won't be able to say much to this since she took a weekend for herself(NOT!) but i just need to figure some stuff out and i also want her to get a taste of Plan B with the kids not that she is going to get the kids but she needs to know how hard it is to be a Single parent every day. with the honesty thing when she brings it up i will be honest with her how i feel and maybe after my break i will do it myself but i need time for myself so i don't react to the emotions i am feeling and get a level head again.<BR>Derek

I meant to reply earlier but got side tracked.<P>I think you can tell her the truth and not LB if you do it in a loving way. A letter is a good idea. After I read my own letter to my H asking him to choose one of his responses was to actually cry and to say...<BR>"You love me unconditionally don't you. You love me more than you love yourself. You really just want me to be happy."<P>My best advice is to write the letter. Think about what you really want, how much you love her, how much you want to work it out but also what you need to be able to put it back together.<P>My own letter was firm but loving. I don't think this is love busting and I don't think my H did either. Good luck.<P>By the way if you want to see examples of this kind of letter you will find some in Love must be Tough by James Dobson. In my case I used the book on tape version because I felt time was of the essence.<BR>Acacia<P>PS - Glad to here you are giving her the kids for a whole weekend!!!!