Hi All,<P>It's Monday am, getting ready for week #2...yaaay...<B>NOT</B>.<P>Found out some stuff W hass been doing, I'm not going to share it, but if true I will have to make some decisions that will be detrimental to our chances of recovering our marriage.<P>Once again the resntments come and go each day. I am finding myself really wanting to give her a huge chunk of my mind. I won't give her the satisfaction of me breaking to no contact rule.<P>She has called several times...I didn't answere, caller ID, I listened to the messages saying she wanted to talk to D. So I had my S call her back so D could talk to her. My S said W sounded as if she were crying. However she still gets to go out and have her fun with OB and his <B>loser</B> friends.<P>So I countinue to tell myself this will be a while and prepare myself for possible divorce. I wish W would quit making some really bed decisions. Even through no contact they remove huge amouts of love units from my bank. I am finding my feelings for her to be minimal most of the time. I hope it's not to late to salvage my family. I'm sure these doubts a completely normal..<P>Thanks again,<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR><p>[This message has been edited by WilliamJ (edited February 21, 2000).]

Bill,<BR>I just wanted you to know that I am still praying andd thinking about you. I have no good advice, but I do have a shoulder. Take care of yourself.<P>Stac<BR>jaded@worldshare.net<BR><P>------------------<BR>Jaded Heart<BR>____________<P> <A HREF="http://journeys.webprovider.com" TARGET=_blank>http://reflect.to/journeys</A> <P> <P>

Hey WilliamJ,<P>without meaning to sound smug, or a 'know-it-all', as you know, I've been where you are.<P>I completely shut down all feelings for my H, and tried the no contact thing. I found that the hardest part, as he wouldn't call at the nominated times, and I don't have caller ID.<P>However, my version of Plan B worked for me, if only to help me sort myself out. I was able (with the help of all you guys, and the knowledge gained here) to gain some perspective of what had happened in my life, and what had happened to his. He is still going through hell, as he has just ended with OW, but obviously can't, or won't, talk to me, about anything.<P>Even if you don't stick rigidly to Dr Harley's version of Plan B, whatever works for you will be fine. I guess if I'm honest, I also couldn't help myself from talking to him when he phd, when he decided he did want to talk to me. Even with everything he has put me through. I couldn't be cruel to him.<P>Anyway, going to plan B will allow you to assess your feelings, and sort out your life. I found that I got a measure of stability back, as well as self-esteem and objectivity. I also found that his affair became less and less the focal point of my life. Previously, every waking moment was filled with him, what he had done, and her.<P>I still have my concerns that I have just buried everything, because it just got too painful, however, at least I do have some peace. I believe Plan B (or my version thereof) gave me that.<P>I hope the same for you. Our spouses have their heads up their butts (a little expression I've picked up from you guys !!!)<BR>and no-body is going to get it out, but them. And they will only do that when they are ready. Sucks really.<P>You must take care of you, and your daughter (?)<P>I'm sending a big hug your way, as the first few weeks just about kill !!<P>I'm thinking of you, and I'll say a prayer for you./<P>Jo<BR>

I'm here, too, Bill and thinking about you.<P>You know where to find me.<P>Lori

((((((((((((((BILL)))))))))))))))<P>I think it's perfectly natural that your feelings are slipping away... the fact that you have lasted this long is proof and testament as to the stregnth the Lord can bring to someone. Patience... nobody expects you to love the person she has 'become'. But keep the faith, m'man... her lessons are not over yet and who knows, she may grow and learn and come out of this as someone you can love again...<P>You are in my thoughts, dude. Here's another big bear hug....<P>(((((((((((((((((((BILL)))))))))))))))<BR>Deut

I give you a lot of credit for sticking with it. It does take a lot of patience and self talk. How long did you do plan a? I am new to this and have three kids. I currently let him call them and visit them often. How do the kids do with plan b?

Stac,<BR>Thanks for the shoulder and the prayers. You are right there is not much too say.<P>Jo,<BR>It's good to see that signature from down under...As hard as it may seem, I really don't have a desire to talk to my W..I do look forward to the day the message says, I done w/LRB can we talk...I am starting to find myself..That part of me that was squashed is turning into the Phoenix, rising out of the ashes...You are right about them placeing there sodding( I love that one...LOL) heads where the sun don't shine, that only they can remove it...Best wishes and prayers to you my friend...<P>Lori,<BR>You are so warm and kind to all...I'll be letting you know all the gory details...It ain't pretty...<P>Deut:<BR>What can I say I really don't have much choice but to be patient...I hope she is learning too..I'll talk to you later...<P>Claudia,<BR>I did plan-a from discovery day, with some minor pitfalls. I did it flawlessly for 6 weeks...About the kids...Read my letter on the other board, it will explain how I manage it...<P>I feel pretty good today...No real resentment...<B>YET</B>. Thanks,<P>Bill

Bill,<P>I've been wondering how you were doing. I know EXACTLY how you feel. I am about to implement plan B more along Bonnet's line. Mainly for self preservation. I can't bear the obsessive thoughts about him and her all the time. The less contact I have with him, the less I focus on the affair. I concentrate more on me. So, I will be dusting off the letter you wrote to your wife about Plan B and see if I can come up with my own version based on yours. Best of luck to you...you are in my thoughts.<P><P>------------------<BR>Blessed be.<BR>****************<BR>Keridwen<P>Keridwen_7@yahoo.com

Hi Bill,<P>So glad you survived week #1. It does get easier. I think what you are feeling about resentment & not having much feelings left for her is normal. It's a self defense mechanism. I felt the same way. And, I found the longer I went without hearing from H, the more I didn't want to hear from him. Yet, when he appeared to be coming around, my doubts and fears would melt. It's kinda like when the "old" spouses reappear, the feelings rekindle. It's kind of strange. Hang in there. Thoughts & prayers are with you.

Be strong Bill!<BR>My prayers are with you and your family. I will keep a close eye on you and your story because i am very close to being on plan b. i have a lot of details to work out like finances,visitation, cars, etc. But i've been plan a'ing since i found this site in Nov. and although some of it seems to work. i think my wife needs to see how life is without me and i need to save the little bit of love i have for her. <P>Derek

Keridwen,<BR>I promise it won't be easy...You may use my letter ver batim...<BR>Thank you for your concern...<BR>I will be praying for you too...<BR>Something to keep in mind plan-b is zero contact...It is designed to help you withdrawl from your spouce...<P>Syd,<BR>Thanks for the reassurance that my feelimgs are normal...<BR>I hope the best for you...<P><BR>Derek,<BR>Prayers are with you...it is far from easy...<BR>I stayed in plan-a until I couldn't take it any longer...<P>Update:<BR>I recieved a letter from my wife tonight...Mostly about financal arrangements and custody arrangment..<BR>But also a weak appology for hurting me so badly...she hope I can find happiness...<B>I WAS HAPPY</B>....blah...blah...blah...<P>I can't believe she has the nerve to even try to say how sorry she is especialy since she is dead up in her affair...AAAAARRRRRGGGG<P>Ya know what SHE DOESN"T DESERVE ME....at least not right now...<P>It is all I can do not to pick up the phone...<P>Thanks for the vent...<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

<B>HEY BILLLLLL.......</B><P>So glad you're doing sort of OK with Plan B. It's normal (as you know) to keep going back and forth between strength & doubt & anger & love & patience & aghh!!!! BUT you'll be fine because you are strong & a better person than ever I keep lurking here and there to learn a bit 'cause I know that sometime soon W & I will have to decide who is moving out (and then I'll have to put my money where my mouth is) <P>Keep up the good work. Your W is now coming to the realization that she can't have her cake and eat it too, meaning that you & your D have a life to live. The outcome may not be as you wish (you mentioned a possible divorce), but through this experience you have learned (like all of us here) lots about love and commitment. <P><B>Hang in, buddy!!!</B><P>Alex<P>------------------<BR><B>Live fully and always learn</B><p>[This message has been edited by ThisAlex (edited February 21, 2000).]

Bill,<P>I understand your anger, I would be too. But maybe the 'weak' apology is a sign that she's coming around. Who knows, but you are doing great. Keep it up!! You are a good man and Robin is very lucky or should I say BLESSED to have you. I just hope she realizes it before all your love diminishes. Take care my dear friend. As always you are in my thoughts and prayers!!<P>------------------<BR>"If you can learn from the mistakes of others, you won't have to make them youself."<P>lady_divine77@yahoo.com

Bill,<P>I have been lurking keeping up on you. I have been praying for you. I know the longer you go with out having contact the easier it gets. Hang in there. I hope that Robin comes to her sense soon . Lots of {{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

Alex,<BR>I'm hanging man...All I can say is be prepared for the coaster to get real wild somedays...<P><BR>Jamie-Lee,<BR>I am quite certain she is far from comming around...Would you believe she Kissed FLRB in front of some of my friends...<P>di,<BR>Thanks for the hugs...I know this road is long...I just wish it would smoothe out some..<P><BR>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Hey Bill,<P>Short and sweet message. Not presweetened. Add sugar. Fight the good fight Buddy.<P>Hang tough. Had a bad Val day yesterday. I almost called her. Well, not almost, I walked past the phone many times and didn't think of picking it up. It wasn't ringing. You know what I mean.<P>Things are going well now. The cats and I had a very serious chat tonight. They had a convincing argument that we should ask the dog to come home, but, hold off on asking Val for right now. I hate it when they make sense. <P><P>------------------<BR>"It's not over till we say it's over! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? H*ll no!" Blutto...Animal House 1984<P>Wishing us all the Best.<P>Medic<P>

Bill,<P>Don't we all. I don't mind the little bumps or pot holes in the road that you have to go around butwhat we have is the bottomless pot hole that you can't go around. I know there has to be a bottom somewhere and once we hit it we have a long climb up.I guess we hit the bottom one of two things happen, our spouse come home and we have to start over on our marriage or we wake up to the fact they are nver coming back and we have to start over on our own. <P>Not very cheery am I. Sorry guess I need to stop posting till I can be of help. I am in too much pain right now.<P>{{{{{HUGS}}}}}<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

Hey Bill,<P>Good to her you are remaing strong. Everybody before me has said pretty much everything I was going to say.<P>As you concentrate on your kids, the resentful moments will lessen. Take time for yourself too. Start a hobby. I remember from an old post there was something that you stopped doing. Get on with your live so you don't have time for the resentment. <P>Read "rebuilding after the relationship ends" by DR. Bruce Fisher. It has lessens on getting through the different stage of grief we are going through and it may help you now.<P>Take care and God Bless<P>Bob<P><P>------------------<BR>"You can't always get what you want! But if you try real hard,you might just find, you get what you need!"<BR>Mick Jagger

Bill,<BR> When I went into plan B,that was the hardest thing,not calling her,or answering the phone.My family knew I was using my answering machine so I wouldn't have to talk to her.She even called once at work,but I had them tell her I was out.She left messages to call her back,but I never did.This is really tough,but you have to do it.Let her wonder what you are doing.If you do talk to her,be direct and business-like.Don't get drawn into the old verbal battles.Maintain your self-respect.Prepare yourself emotionally,and otherwise to a possible life without her.Only you can decide when you've had enough.Hang in there,pal. --Murph

Medic,<BR>So are you going ask the dog to come home???<BR>Will he still talk to you??<BR>Should the cats talk to him first???<P><BR>di,<BR>I made the decision that I wasn't going to allow myself to be hurdled head long to the bottom. Yes it stink and hurts that those we planned our life with deal out pain like it was dollar bills. All I can do is move on and when and if my W decides to join me thats up to her..I have found that not worrying about her is best...I's hard as hell but when I do my days go better.<P>Bob,<BR>I have too many hobbies...lol..<BR>You are right about my daughter...she does need at least one sane parent, and fate decided it was me...Thanks for the book idea.<P><BR>Murph,<BR>Thanks for shareing your experience on plan-b..I intend on having zero contact...<BR>How is your going?? what are the net results???<P><BR>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>