I haven't written for awhile and I find myself needing some encouragement. I wasn't planning on starting plan b for another month, but feel as if H forced me into it. I always told him he could spend as much time on the couch sorting out his feelings as long as he wasn't openly dating OW. That changed last Thursday when he went to darts, then took OW out to bar afterwards - - with my cousin no less. He then didn't come home, I called him at 5:15am on Friday morning at his Mom's house (parents are out of town). The OW lives next door and her car was also missing which showed up 5 minutes after he came home (coincidence, I think not!). I asked him to leave on Friday night after work and he did! Now I'm wondering if I did the right thing, although I'm pretty sure if I asked him to come back he wouldn't anyway. He dated her on Saturday night, instead of watching videos with me and the kids - told me he's not comfortable at home. He did go toboganning with me and the kids on Sunday morning like we had planned awhile ago, had lunch with us then left again. I'm now sitting at work desparately fight the urge to call him. I don't know which was worse, having him at home knowing he is talking to the OW discreetly or having him gone free to see the OW as much as he wants to. The OW seems to be happy he has moved out (although go figure she's still living with her husband). How do I fight the loneliness? My kids seem to be doing better than me - of course they can call Daddy anytime they want to and he's happy to hear them. Will a strict plan B, allow for him to want to come back? If he doesn't see me or talk to me, how will he know I would be willing to take him back? Plan B seems to be just a first step closer to divorce - Are there any happy endings?!? Sorry for my rambling on, I just feel so depressed. H just called me from work, wants to know if it would be easier for me to go home start dinner and have him drop off the kids for me. Do you think he really wants to help me or just wants to spend more time with the kids after school? If he really wanted to make things easier for me why doesn't he stop the affair and move back home. AUGH!!! Life just seems so unfair anymore. Any advice is URGENTLY needed.

Sadwife,<P>I think you and I are living the same life in alternate universes. God, how much alike our situations are. My H moved out after I found out he spent the weekend with his OW during a terrible ice storm. He didn't even call once to see if we had electricity or heat or anything. A tree could have fallen on us and it wouldn't have mattered. His OW lives 800 miles away so they can only see each other occasionally. She is still married but is separated from her H. He doesn't know about the affair since it seems he is a violent man. Heaven help my H if the guy ever does find out. I wrote my "no contact" letter just today. I cannot continue on in this fashion. I don't deserve to be treated with such disrespect. I can only tell you this feels right for ME. You are going to have decide what's right for you. I have come to terms that we may be headed for divorce and this may only serve to exacerbate the problem, but I feel I have no choice but to break contact with him. I cannot be the doormat. I WILL NOT be the doormat. I know a lot of people here will tell you that I am wrong in this opinion. But keep in mind, it is simply MY opinion based on my own set of circumstances. You will be OK no matter what happens though. I say that to myself everyday. You are in my thoughts.<P><P>------------------<BR>Blessed be.<BR>****************<BR>Keridwen<P>Keridwen_7@yahoo.com

Hi , I am not familiar with plan B yet, so I can't offer advice, but will offer you a prayer that you find the peace and strength to get through this. Good luck. Dana<BR>

Have you written the letter yet, he shouldn't be calling you. Get that to him asap if you are serious about Plan B, otherwise stay in a Plan A, even while separated, you can still show that you care and that you love him and want him to come home. Good luck, my prayers are going out to you.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Allen<BR>sparky_dog_mb@yahoo.com

From what I've read just in this post, I tend to agree with Sparkydog, about maybe staying in Plan A for a while longer. It hasn't been a week yet since he moved out. This will give you additional time to get your Plan B letter written and give you additional time to get yourself ready emotionally. I do understand how hard this is for you--My ex used to tell our daughter, don't tell mom but I'm going oot to see girlfriend. These are the times when you need to keep a cool head and make plans for what is in the best interests for you and the children. Show your children your strong , confidant side and let them see you are in control, even if you don't feel that way. Don't give him reasons to be glad he moved out.

WOW!!! Thanks. I thought once he moved out, I had no choice but to go to plan b (which I'm obviously not ready for yet). I'll stick with plan a awhile longer. Most of me hopes that he will want to come back home BEFORE I have to go to plan b to protect myself.<P>Thanks Again.