Hi friends on the forum,<P>I would like to start by appologizing for my recent disappearance. I had a really rough week and worse weekend. I couldn't bring myself to read or reply much of anything. I am still very numb today.<P>I just wanted to update you quickly. I retained an attorney today. I like him a lot. He is giving me a lot of good advice. He spoke to H's lawyer and nipped the visits with OW right in the bud for now. Also, he is working on getting me the money I am owed from back bills, and back child support. <P>H's lawyer told my lawyer, that H only filed this divorce because I refused to send the kids to his house. What an idiot. He could have went down to the family court and filed for visitation for free. Now he HAS no choice but to pay half of every bill we incurred, actually he incurred, I argued on but over the years, just gave in and gave up.<P>SO he is not arguing on custody and support, that goes to me. The house is out of the question, I bought before we were married. The life insurance, he will have to supply. The only thing left is to argue the bills, and who pays who's lawyer fee. And set up some safe visitation. SO all in all, H was really stupid. I don't even know if he is filing for the divorce still or what. I know I have to answer to it.<P>I don't know what my attorney said, but the mega phone calls have stopped. Which is fine. Right now I work out of home and H has the luxury to call all day. When I go to work, he won't be able to contact the kids all day, and then he will go through a withdrawal period of his own. The counselor said it is not good to start this habit, right off the bat, because he will not continue it when I work outside the home. SO then the kids will suffer also.<P>I had a hard time coming up with that money too. What a mess. H has really blown my mind with all the cruel things he is doing.<P>I will be replying to all your posts soon. I have been reading a little, but I am just so mentally numb and hurt I can't bear to bring any kind words of encouragement to all you great people, as I feel like a piece of garbage myself. Please forgive me and I will be back to my normal self shortly.<P>Today, I was thinking about all the people out here, and how sad this all really is. I hate it. I really hate this all. I dont' think I can save this marriage, bother to try or even marry again for that matter.<P>Would this be considered Plan B that I am on, since I am not talking to H by choice, and refusing contact? Or is this something all together different??<P>Prayers to you all. Dana<BR>

Dana,<P>Hang in there. At least he can not have the house. Do what is in the best intrest for you right now. Try and not even think about him. As far as the kids go protect them as much as you can.<P>It is so sad that this goes on. I am sorry you have to go through it. Try and take it one day at a time. (((((((((Dana)))))))

HI Lonelymom,<P> No apology needed, everyone here has been in their own private He*l. It sounds like it is Plan B and that you need it for your sanity and to protect your love for H. You could write him the letter and tell him what you are doing and if/when the OW is out of the picture you can talk reconciliation(see the letter in SAA). How are you going to respond to the D papers? LU

Good to hear from you. I too say no appologie needed. You have been so suportive of people here even in the midst of your own H*ll!.<P>Hang in there. We will be thining about you.<P>Acacia

{{{Lonelymom}}}<P>It's good to see you back. I'm sorry you're hurting so much now. I too am into plan B for my own self-protection. I just haven't delivered the letter yet. Please take care of yourself. I know it's hard. Heck, everybody here understands how hard it is. And there is no need for apology. I've been there. I know there are sometimes you can't face your own pain, much less that of everyone else. My prayers go out to you.<P><P>------------------<BR>Blessed be.<BR>****************<BR>Keridwen<P>Keridwen_7@yahoo.com

Today is no better, no worse, just in pain. Does anyone know where the sample plan B letters are? I don't see them, or are they in the book, surviving the affair?? Thanks for the info! Dana<BR>

Hi Lonelymom,<P> The Plan B sample letter is in Surviving An Affair....I used it pretty much when I wrote mine. Have you considered calling Steve H? He helped me set upPlan B and told me what to write and to send a copy to the OW to "put pressure on the relationship" , in other words to let her know that you love your H and will wait for him....<P>Listen , there's hope, I was in your exact situation last year this time(although D papers weren't served, but I did have a separation agreeement)and now one year later we are in recovery and I'm seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm glad you are in a state that requires a one year separation, alot can happen in a year. If you would have told me last year that we would be back together I wouldn't have believed it. It was truly a terrible,terrible time.......Lu

I am sure glad to her that you are ok. I am also glad to hear that you have a good attorney. I am now on my third D attorney and he is doing nothing for me too. Hang on to him/her. Maybe this is the wakeup call needed.<BR>Nancy