For months I have begged my husband for more affection. I have felt second fiddle to our children and sports for so long I can't remember when I didn't. For years my husband has been battling with a pornography addiction. I have never understood why he has a need for this when he has a wife that loves him and is there for him whenever he wants me. Anyway, in December he volunteered to go to California to work for the month. In his mind he though it would help us financially but I know it was also a chance for him to travel. I told him I didn't want him to go because of the season and what he would miss out on with our children. He went anyway. While he was gone he would call and all he would talk about was his work. At some point in the conversation he would finally get around to asking about us and how we were doing. Since he has been back, I discovered that he became attracted to a women that was working with him and they slept together. I found a letter he wrote to her saying how much he loved her and what a great lover she was and how much of a support she was to him while he was there. I was devastated and when I confronted him with the letter he admitted to sleeping with her. My husband is the type that is very shy and backwards when it comes to approaching women. He allowed this women to use his hotel room so she could sleep in between her two jobs. He says he knew he would never be there when she was there. One morning he was there and she showed up. He says that she got into bed with him and began making advances and then one thing led to another. I just don't understand how he could do this to us, to me. Why did he allow this to happen? Since I found out I told him that I would be willing to forgive and forget. But I have found that it is not that easy, especially when he shows no remorse and has yet to sincerely say he is sorry. He has been dealing with a lot of self-esteem issues for a long time and he says that he loves me but other than that he is just empty. He feels nothing. He just goes through the motions everyday. I'm at a point where I don't know if I have enough strength for both of us to try and make this work. You see, I will undoubtedly be doing all the work and putting forth all the effort. He is the type that wants to shove this under the rug and never have to deal with it again. He won't talk to me, when we try to communication I do all the talking and all I get out of him is "I DON'T KNOW". I feel I am ready to tell him to leave so he can sort out his problems and figure out if he is truly willing to make a go of our marriage. Is this the right thing to do? Please help!!<P>------------------<BR>Husband Not Sorry!

Slow down and take a deep breath. Your story is so similar to all the rest here. Some things that you need to realize are <BR> 1. He may never appologize. Undoubtedly he feels guilty for what happened, but??<BR> 2. You probably will be the person that has to do all the work. Is that fair? Not even. Just the way things work out.<P>Now, go out and buy the book "Surviving an Affair" by Dr. Harley. It has very good advise and steps that need to be taken. What you need to do is work on YOU! There is nothing you can do to "fix" or "change" your h. When you make changes in yourself, you will cause changes in response from your h. This is not going to be easy! It will take you a long time before this is not a constant thought on your mind. Read Plan A in this sight and start doing Plan A. There is a lot you can do without your h participating!