I posted recently to the emotional needs board but was told I would recieve more responces here. Basiclly, my wife has decided that she "isn't completely happy" and has decided to seek a divorce. This is the second time in a year that she has done this. The first time it was exteamly hard on both of us, but this time she seems to have an iron will to end our marriage. I have suspected someone else was driving this decision (OM), but just a couple of days ago I confronted her with evidence of her affair. the part that bothers me I guess is that she approches this like she was doing a business deal. She has hardly shed a tear through this whole thing (except about our children that she left with me), and she looks me straight in the eye and tells me she is sorry but she does not love me any more. <P>My question is this, can anyone shed some light on what is going through her mind? I don't understand it. How can someone turn so cold towards a spouce when there has never been any abuse, infidelity, neglect, etc. She has cut off everyone who has told her she needs to reconsider or that she is doing the wrong thing, so the only person who is talking to her is her mom and dad (who say they aren't happy with her but will support her)and this OM.<P>I guess the other thing that would help is if anyone who has been through this and who's marriage has survived could let me know it isn't hopeless and that miricals do happen. I could use some hope right now. The way things look right now I feel like a man on death row waiting for someone else to flip the switch. Thanks.

read everything here and you will come to understand that your wife is in fantasy land right now. She is being cold, so that you can hate her and she won't have to deal with the guilt that surely comes when you step out of your marriage.

((BrentB))<P>I know exactly how you feel. It is VERY common for the betraying spouse to feel little or no remorse. My H has never really apologized for the pain and anguish his affair put me through. Like you, there had been no abuse, neglect, etc. He had an affair and decided he didn't want to be married to me any longer. It hurts like he**. I haven't read it yet, but I have it ordered...Surviving An Affair by Dr. Harley. I am waiting for it to arrive to give me some answers. I would strongly suggest you go to counseling with or without your W (preferably with her). But even if she won't go, it would do you a world of good. Or, you can call Dr. Harley. There are a lot of great people here to help you. I am currently separated from my H who wants a divorce, but there are success stories here too. Take care of yourself, eat right, get enough sleep and pray, pray, pray. That's the best advice I can give.<P><P>------------------<BR>Blessed be.<BR>****************<BR>Keridwen<P>Keridwen_7@yahoo.com

Brent B,<P>What you are going through is very similar to what I have felt. WHen your spouse betrays you, it hurts, that they can just walk away and have no remorse. They are being extremely selfish and thinking only of "themselves". There is not much you can do to force the guilt feeling onto your W, but you can Plan A and I have heard it works. I personally am in Plan B by no choice of my own.<P>I do believe, all betrayers, will feel guilt at some time. I have spoken to a few who have told me what goes through their head at a time like this. They won't feel it now. But in time, most do. This will be one of the most exhausting emotionally and physically challenging periods in your life. Read the whole MB site, read all the posts here and try and learn as much as you can.<P>You can save your marriage. It is a long hard road, don't expect anything soon. If you need support, you just post here, and you'll get a lot of it.<P>Good luck. I know about the inlaws supporting their cheating child as well, my H's mom, supports him in his quest to find "happiness". It kills me. <P>Try and focus on you and your kids right now, thats about all you can do. Be strong and be positive. Learn about Plan A and start using it! Dana<BR>

thanks folks, it helps to know I'm not the only one experiencing this. I went today and got a priscrption for zolof (sp?) and made an appointment with a counciler. She of course doesn't need any of this because she is perfectly fine...just ask her.<P>I am in plan B right now as of Sunday when I called her out on the affair. I had a letter all ready to go thanks to WilliamJ (thanks williamJ BTW) I used some of his ideas, but added my own details. The way I see it, I tried planA for 8 Months and ended up where I am now. The thing that really pi%^&d me off is when she told my sister that I had change everything she asked, had become a great husband and Father, and that she couldn't complain about our marriage, but she just wasn't happy and hadn't been in months. Well dam it she never said a WORD to me about being unhappy. As a matter of fact she told me less than a week before she anounced her leaving that she was VERY HAPPY.........I just don't get it, guess maybe I'm not suppose to. I must have failed mindreading 101.<P>I know I am wasting my energy trying to figure this out, but I hate feeling like I failed my marriage. Sorry for the rant. - BB