I talked to my attorney yesterday. First I must say that I am amazed. He never seems to find the time to call. He said that the protective and restraining orders are still in effect, unlike my stbx told me and the custody evaluator. But they (the orders) do nothing to protect me from my stbx driving past the house and sitting at the end of the street watching me. As long as he doesn't come in the yard it is ok. Makes my stomach sick. A couple weeks ago he came by and stole 2 of our dogs. When I went out looking for them they came running from a car parked down the street. He had them. My attorney knows this but said there is nothing that can be done.<P>Why would a man that is so happy with his new life.....new woman.....be so worried about what I am doing. He wants nothing to do with me, yet always seems to know everything I am doing. Seems weird to me. Supposedly I am the mental person. He has even started calling at midnight again. I guess there is a feature *57 that cost you money to use....but it records the last number called and keeps record of it at the phone company. If they see this number 2-3 times more, that they will contact the police department to file charges against the person who is harassing you. Well I did it Sunday/Monday. I am sick of him calling in the middle of the night.....but I was arrested for Harassing Communication on a he said she said basis by his girlfriend. And he thought it was funny...told the kids and everyone that I just couldn't control myself and couldn't leave his "friend" alone. I called her exactly 3 times since Nov 98. So if that is being out of control than I deserved to be arrested. NOT! <P>Well now that I am starting to feel better about myself and accepting the life him and the OW have forced on me....I don't think he likes it. No, he is not coming around...I never expect that to happen.....but I feel that he is so unhappy that he just can't stop....can't control himself anymore.<P>A friend of mine that works with him said he was talking about me again on Monday. Just like we were married and happy. She said that everyone there thinks that he is the most pompous and rude person they have ever seen. In fact some girl...a part-time high school girl said that she remembersme helping out there and then she found out we were getting a divorce and was floored. Thought that we were the nicest couple. Said now he is just plain being an [censored] at work and she can't stand his attitude.<P>He has pushed away his best friend and is now hanging out with another guy at work. I am sure his best friend is so hurt. They have been friends since 1981. Best friends. I know why....his friend knows me very well....knows Kenny is lying....and probably can't understand why he is acting this way. <P>Sorry so long....have not vented in a long time<BR>Nancy

I got a call yesterday from a GAL - who is dealing with a custody issue for a person who left her husband after getting beat up a few times.<P>The GAL asked me a few neutral questions, but after every answer she followed up with: Do I think the mother followed through? Do I think she lied? And this GAL wanted me to say things about this mother to help her write down that she is not fit. The Gal had an agenda besides finding the truth when she called. <P>I am going to write the judge about this GAL. I have know idea who the judge is, but this GAL should not be so un-neutral. All I could think about when she called me - was thinking about your GAL - and her rotten ideas regarding custody of your children.<P>Clearly, your X husband is trying to break you. When you see his car down the street, take a picture with the time and date. Call the police and tell them that he is very close to the line of stalking you. <P>And your lawyer isn't working hard enough. Start shopping for a lawyer that is pro-active.<P>God Bless<BR>TNT

Wow, you mean to tell me a GAL called you to ask questions. Mine only called the counselor that is working with me and the girls once. She had no concern if I was a good mother....never even asked that. Never asked about the girls. Just wanted to know if she worked with my H on any issues.<P>I tried the picture thing. Too dark. Even the camcorder wouldn't pick it up. Someone suggested that I call the police to report a suspicious vehicle and they would do the rest. That if they got too many calls about this car that they would do something about it. I have only seen him a few times. Mainly, he told the custody evaluator that he does it all the time. Just sat there and admitted it. From her response, I guess maybe she thought it was really very nice of him to want to check up on things. LOL<P>Thanks for posting back.<BR>Nancy

Mental,<P>In my custody trial, my lawyer confronted OW (X-H new wife) who was a cop, and my husband about breaking into my home, and stalking me, and going to my church and talking with my pastor to try and get me ex-communicated, and neighbors, saying negative things about me, and to the gas station where I bought my gas! This went on for a minimum of a year!<P>During the trial they admitted to almost everything, even breaking in my house and stealing my mail! Then he put the child psychologist on the stand, and asked her opinion, and the CP said that she thought it was "Normal behavior for parents who were concerned for the welfare of their children."<P>Get that! Now, let me tell you - I was not unfit, whatsoever! I am a Christian, and live a Christian life! Unbelievable. <P>Let me tell you, court is NOT about justice. And custody cases do not always turn out like they should. There are some twisted ways of thinking out there, and you need to protect yourself in a major major way. Make it your life quest.<P>Document document document. Pray pray pray. And, get the people working for you that will WORK for you and not just use up your money. Go to the women's shelter and get counseling for you and your kids for abuse. GET a neighbor to call the police every time that car appears. <P>TAKE A picture, even if it is dark. DO NOT ROLL OVER AND PITY YOURSELF STAND UP AND FIGHT<P>Don't let the system and some wacko custody evaluator ruin your children's lives! The decisions that the court made in my case affected my children FOR MANY MANY MANY YEARS<P>Don't give up, Nancy FIGHT<P>TNT

I don't mean to get to personal TNT, but where are your children now.....and how do they feel about all of this? Do they side with one of you and how were they treated by Ex when all was said and done. Sorry, just need to know

I am really sorry - but sometimes I find myself avoiding your posts, because they are so painful for me.<P>But, here is the outcome of my situation.<P>My XH had 6 undisclosed affairs. I had strong suspicions. I accused and lovebusted like crazy. The last affair, he really fell head over heals for the woman. He left on my birthday. We continued to date.<BR>I filed for divorce. We continued to date. The affair was out in the open, he couldn't make up his mind. We continued to date.<BR>There was abuse thrown in there over the years, even when we dated.<BR>Then I got fed up, and met someone else, and refused to take his calls. That is when the situation really got bad. <BR>He proposed to OW and flaunted her. I ignored him, and concentrated on my career, church, and new boyfriend. My X didn't like it. So he threatened that he would take our kids from me one by one.<BR>He married OW in October. It was odvious (in hindsight) that he was trying to build a custody case. OW was major component in helping him do this. She felt she didn't truly have all of my husband, and thought he still was in love with me. She thought if she had the kids, then she would have all of him. <BR>So, I started receiving demanding letters, that were of a business nature from X to myself. He would write things such as:<P>"Upon picking up the children from visitation, I noticed that our daughter's socks weren't matched. Please make more of an effort to provide adequate clothing...."<P>And I had a barrage of crap like that all the time. Pretty soon, my neighbors said that a gal in a cop uniform had come by to say she was investigating me. (It was OW)<BR>(Yes, she was a cop)<P>Anyway, 13 court appearances in one year, and 2 custody cases over 3 years. <P>The first custody case was dropped because I finally relinquished custody of our older son, then 14. It didn't end then. I spent 20K in attorney fees, and for NOTHING. <P>They stalked my job. Talked to my employer. It was horrendous.<P>The divorce was final in 86, he moved out in 85, we stopped dating in 87. The Custody case was in 87-end of 89. <P>Now: Son is 26, and divorced from first wife, 2 kids, does not trust women, has been arrested for domestic violence. Has barely anything to do with mother, feels mother abandoned him, needs therapy.<P>Son is 23, engaged, has hardly anything to do with his father. Is marrying a wonderful girl, and although we are separated by distance, we still remain very close.<P>Daughter is 20, married, lives not far from me, and we are very close. She does not trust her father. <P>Father and OW divorced. Father remarried 2 more times. Continues to have affairs. <P>My oldest son went to live with his grandmother when OW and X divorced. Then he joined the marines. I haven't lived with or around him since he was 14. We email each other, however.<P>My second son, moved back in with me soon after OW and X divorced. No child support, and my X agreed to this.<P>My daughter, stayed with me, and we had split custody. Her father punished her and made her feel bad for choosing to stay with her mother.<P>The attorney that I hired was good, but was a father's rights attorney, and did not work for me. He is now a Family Law judge in Orange County. He is a slime ball, in my opinion.<P>The CP did not continue her relationship with X H and OW. She was probably bought off, and I wish she knew the damage that her stupid agenda caused. <P>The commissioner? I don't know what happened to him, but I did meet the court reporter, and his entire church began praying for the divorced couples in the county. I went to his church's potluck once. He hated sitting through those custody trials, and watching lives being destroyed.<P>Me? I eventually trained to become a mediator for the court that my trial went through. Now, I work to help refugees resettle, and am remarried.<P>Well, you about heard a book. Now you know why I feel so strongly like I do.<BR>TNT

What crap. Makes me want to strangle them all. I called a new attorney today...Family law attorney. Of course he is willing to take my case for a considerable retainer fee. He told me how the custody evaluator lost custody of her children. I had already known that but didn't know why. He said that she perjured herself on the witness stand in her own divorce. That no attorney in the adjoining county to me (which is huge..Indianapolis) will use her for anything because she is a screwball. Said that he does not think that I have lost anything and that the county where I am is corupt. Sd that my stbx attorney is a total [censored] and that the courts in my county and his do not like him at all. Sd that he is surprised that the custody evaluator is even able to practice and would be allowed to do any custody evaluations after what she lied about in court. This just gets deeper and deeper. I really feel that my present attorney has all but given up. Sees no way of winning and is letting me sink in quicksand...real fast. I can come up with the money for the new attorney via family, but I hate to go through my story again. I know that it can mean keeping the girls...but there is so much involved. I was not an innocent bystander. I did dumb things.....namely suicide attempt and been arrested for harassing communications. Will he still want me? I am afraid of the answer. In fact these days I am afraid of alot.<BR>Nancy<P>PS thank you for telling me your story. I am sorry to drudge up so much pain but I can't believe this is happening to me. I just want it all to end...NOW. I want him to leave me alone...leave the girls alone. Quit abusing me and them.

GOOD THAT you called the new attorney. HIRE HIM. FIRE THE OTHER One. <P>Now, to get the money, do whatever you gotta do. Yes, get angry. But get RIGHTEOSLY angry. Don't roll over and die.<P>SHOW YOU WILL FOLLOW THROUGH<P>And, maybe that new attorney will get the court to approve the X paying the costs, ya never know. There are tricks, too. Changes of Venue.<P>Also, CALL the CRISIS CENTER GET COUNSELING FOR YOUR KIDS AND YOU<P>Give that new attorney something to work with.<P>Don't let this happen to you. FIGHT<P>And, may God go with you.<P>D O NOT FOR GET to pray!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I hope this works. I am scared to death. Many times I do feel like giving up. Just easier I guess. Looking for the easy way out because everything has been so hard for me.<BR>Thank you<BR>Nancy