I haven't posted in a while. On July 14th, I found that my wife was again in contact with the OM. I began Zolft, which has helped control the "depression. It has also allowed me the "stability" to see more value in myself; to stop beating myself up so often over the choices she is making. As many of you know, it is a battle to feel good about yourself. I am in pain that I don't recieve any attention from my wife. I'd like to make love; and have some attention paid me. But, all I can do is try to show her my love. I wish I could write a success story here. Life is not easy. I guess I just have to accept that and move on. JB

JB - it looks to me like you are doing the right thing - that is taking care of yourself first. It is really hard. I too am doing PLan A with H, but some days (like today) i feel like I have nothing left to give. And ask, why does the betrayed have to do all the work. We haven't slept together since May. I miss the company and companionship. Please hang in there. And know others here care for you.

I spoke with the Dr. Harley-Chalmers last week. She encouraged me to continue Plan A even though my wife left the house last monday. It seems hard to do this plan when my wife is not in the same house. I will say though after I told her I would still talk to her ( I had planned on moving on to Plan B), she has called me like every day even if it is for superficial stuff like our daughter's needs/actions or to ask about some thing at our house. Dr Chalmers said I should give it another 5-6 months, before Plan B. Not sure if it will work, my wife is full blown into her OM relationship. First night alone, she had him stay overnight, and I just found out he has been staying overnight when our daughter (3 yrs old) is there, even though we had talked about moral boundaries b4 she left. I guess it just proves her affair has her really muddled and in a fog about real life and parenting.

Izzy & Roberta, Let's continue to value ourselves. We've made mistakes. Who hasn't? But, we are not our mistakes. I have a lot to offer my wife. Not least of which I am her childrens father. She needs to grow toward me and change, as I have so desperately tried to do in these past months. Yet, we need to remain "seperate" and individual; undrstanding that love does not derive from outside us but within us.