AAARRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH<P>last night, H had to remind me that at 9:00, our 3 yr old still had not been fed.....a few days before, I forgot about lunch...2 days in a row......<P><BR>how am I supposed to get control of myself ?!?!......<P><BR>today, I have 2 closets half cleaned out, cleaned my room, changed the bed, have a load of laundry done, another waiting to dry, some folded, soem put away, dishes half completed, trying to get 3yr. old to nap..yeah right...lol..., <P>I feel like I'm pregnant and nesting.....(I'm not)<P>I also feel like I am losing my mind....I can't seem to be a wife right now, or a mother, or companion, or lover, (did not mean to make that rhyme)...only a hurt Dylan.....this is bad....I NEED to be able to function...I have responsabilities.....I have achild..a home to keep up, cals to return, etc.........AAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHH!!!!<P><BR>also, weighing heavily on my mind...........what does a betrayed wife do..ethically, I mean,..... when an std from a previous relationship (a decade ago) may have been passed on to the OW by H, and OW was never made aware of this by H (not a life-threatening std, but life-long nonetheless....)...I find myself torn by this.....I want NO CONTACT with her...by H or myself......but he never brought this up to her during their on/off 3 months.....what the hell do I do about it now?? condoms were used, but not for the oral...and there was ALOT of oral (guilt does strange things to a hard-on, apparently)LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL<P>oh good. I can still laugh.<P>but seriously folks, i have a quandry here...<P>Dylan

I so wish I had words of wisdom, but I just wanted you to know that I have been feeling the same way.<P>It's classic depression ... you need to seek help. (yeah, right ... this coming from Maya The Hater of Counseling)<P>When you feel you've hit the bottom, there's no way to look but UP. I'm on the bottom .... you probably are too.<P>Get some help! Then come clean MY closets! LOL

I won't touch the STD thing. Maybe someone can give a medical opinion regarding the oral.<P>Your mental instability is expected. I can't even remember all the dumb things I did. My little one was 3 when I discovered this mess, too.<P>I really thought I was insane for about 4 1/2 months. It went beyond pain, it went to basic functioning...which was impaired to say the least.<P>Since no one knew, I had to try to act normal and since I held down a job and kept raising a family, I guess I acted the part. Don't know how. At one point I even told my H I missed his wife, too. I was ever so nice and honestly didn't cry for months...but I was a walking basket case.<P>We really understand.<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

I had many stress related mind lapses. The worst was leaving my car in drive (on a downhill incline) while I went to get the mail. Watched it go over the retaining wall into the woods. Did lots of other stupid things. Stress does that to you. Try and get on some antidepressants to help you cope during this awful time of your life. It will help you rest, which may help with the brain lapes. Best wishes.

I feel like I have practically been inert for the past 13 years....through all of H's lies. I figure that it's depression.<P>My house looks like hell; I can never seem to finish anything. Work is also suffering, especially over the past couple of years.<P>All this, of course, is a big lovebuster to my H. I get the feeling that his love for me is based on how much work I do for him. I think he would be happy if I slaved 24 hours a day for him.

Dylan,<P>This is very evil... but I'm in the same situation regarding the STD. I actually hoped that it had gotten passed on. <I>I told you this was evil!</I><P>Neither my H nor my ex-H have ever contracted my STD through years of unprotected sex with me.<P>As for the ethics... hmmm... well, the responsibility for the telling is on your husband, not you. At this point in time, either she contracted it or she didn't.<P>I may get flamed for this, but at this point, I don't think anyone needs to talk with her about it. When you play with fire, you might get burnt.<P>JMHO<P>------------------<BR>RobinAnn<P>*********<P>Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape!

thanks.<P>I know, I have to get a grip without being too hard on myself, or laying too much blame, but I wander the hallways of the house...look at all the half started projects (renovating bathroom, mountains (literally) of laundry, etc.......and wonder what the hell happened....the past 2 months since discovery seemed such a hustle..things getting done, great conversations, LOTS of love and affection, and now, suddenly, I feel numb, dead at times, I still love H, but can't seem to function.....<P>as for the std thing, this part of my post is for RobinAnn:<P>EVIL ?????!!??!?!?!?!?<P>no, no, my good friend who seems to be eerily in a place that I can relate to......you are not evil...hoping for it to be passed on is not evil.....<P>RobinAnn, .......evil is fantasizing ringing her doorbell, and telling her that I have this std, have had it for a decade, and that h never told her, and that she needs to get tested, and then standing back and really enjoying the look on her face as I turn slowly and just walk away......forever.<P>EVIL would be enjoying the pain and disbelief that would cross her face and EVIL would be loving every moment that she panics, EVIL would be relishing the inconvenience introduced into her life of making those appointments, the waiting 3 weeks for the results, the knowing that this won't kill her, but that it will be with her for the rest of her life.....knowing that she would be worried, angry, hurt, F$&#&ING FREAKING OUT.<P>good. she deserves that and so much more.....this 'older and wiser' deluded, fantasy filled, silicone-enhanced, fake everything porno-star looking witch (but I'm not bitter...lol) has no problem with what she did to our family...even to the point where she whined to me in an e-mail about how she has an on-again/off-again affair with another married man where they can enjoy each other without guilt and had the nerve to ask me what was wrong with my H, since he couldn't seem to be with her without guilt.....!!!!!!! DUUUUUUUHHHHHHH<P>it was, as I hear, quite frustrating and de-moralizing for her I suppose, when her 'ministrations' were not met with a 'full salute' - of course, being a lesbian for the past 14 years probably did not help.....LOL <P>boy, did I ever ramble here.....it's a habit. sorry.<P>I just wish I knew what to do......I understand, at this point she either has it or doesn't, but I really enjoy the evil aspect of being the one to tell her......I am one sick puppy.....thank you, RobinAnn, it helpsknowing I'm not 'alone' with this thing.......sincerely, thank you.<P>Dylan

Can we say Resentment, Anger, Hostility? <P>Alot of negative feelings with what appears to be no release. You may want to look into the anti-deps that others have suggested.<P>I am a firm believer in the power of prayer and trusting in God. If you are not then perhaps now is the time to start.