Sweatpea I greatly appreciate your reply to my post, "Unrealistic?" but I have one question, do you ever feel as though you didn't want the big "O" when you were feeling close and intimate to your husband?, my wife claims that this is so. I don't understand why you would make love to someone and not want to reach the big "O"

Hi, F A,<BR> Yes, usually I do--I want it ALL!!! <BR> But, there are just times when I don't really need the physical release.<BR> I wanted the big "O" more during the last year--when our intimacy was downright gone, and H really didn't seem too interested in making love to me. Our sex life was really way downhill--and not because I refused to have sex all the time or didn't put effort into it when we did have sex, although H claims that I did. (What a liar!! I do admit that several years ago, I was totally turned off because of some sexual demands he suddenly started making of me--demands that I now think he was introduced to by someone else. )<BR> Anyway, we were talking with some friends one night, and the subject of sex came up. The male friend made the comment that after women had hysterectomies, they didn't want to have sex anymore. I told him that he was wrong--that maybe women didn't want to have sex because they weren't feeling especially loved or special--that maybe women sometimes felt as though any warm body would do. I made the remark that foreplay should start at breakfast---meaning that affection, consideration, and helpfulness would go a long way toward making the wife want to have sex. I should have added something else....my H rarely wears cologne or aftershave, and I guess I've gotten used to that over the years. A couple of weeks ago, we went to a casual party. H didn't have time to shower but wasn't really dirty or swetty, but he washed off with a damp cloth and changed clothes and then splashed on some cologne just in case he had a slight "smell." I had gone outside to turn the sprinklers on before we left, and didn't notice the cologne until we got into the car. WOW!!! I then realized that my H smelling extra good is a major turn-on for me!<BR>So, maybe you just need to make some slight changes in order to appeal to your wife. She's probably still in withdrawal, so it may take a while. Don't pressure her, but do the "foreplay" thing everyday, and if you shave and put on cologne in the morning, try shaving and putting it on at night. Just pay attention and notice if some particular thing is appealing to her.