Well, God was truly at work through Bill when Bill decided to back out on our meeting with the pastor! I told the pastor everything about him! I would not have done that otherwise. His basic profile is as follows:<P>Egotistical (possibly narcissist)<BR>Selfish<BR>COMPULSIVE liar<BR>Sexual vices<BR>Immature (very)<BR>High maintenance<BR>"Victim" syndrome<BR>Passive-aggressive<BR>Issues from childhood<BR>Very "fake" acting (puts on act for others)<BR>etc...<P>My pastor was SO GLAD when I shared specifics about his personality and about specific instances that have occured in our marriage. I found out that he even lied to the pastor about his affair last summer. He told him it was basically a one-time thing like taking her out to coffee or something. <P>My pastor thinks that it was truly God's work that prompted my H to leave. He thinks that the relationship was far to dysfunctional at that point and that unless my H works on these problems and corrects them, we will never be able to have a healthy marriage. <P>He told me that it wasn't me...it was him. That made me feel SO good because my H has basically brainwashed me into thinking this was all because of me and my high expectations of him (you know...trust, honesty, fidelity, etc.) <P>Anyway, I feel much more at peace today with my decision to pull back completely from him. I am still going to avoid LB's at all costs if he contacts me for some reason, but I am NOT going to contact him. <P>Boy, talk about a roller coaster!! Every day this is different! <P>Thanks for listening! <BR>

I forgot something very important!<P>My H tried to make my pastor think that I was now addicted to the internet because I mentioned I had been getting help and support from people like me online. <P>He will use anything to try to make me look bad!!!!!

Wow. That list also describes my husband so well it's scary...<P>------------------<BR>Bonnie

Ummm TB, you are addicted to the internet. You've only been here 6 days and you're already a member. LOL Just kidding.<P>He's not trying to make you look bad, he's trying to justify his own behavior because of how you are supposedly acting. Just work on you and your feelings, act pleasant if he calls, and <P>------------------<BR>Allen<BR>sparky_dog_mb@yahoo.com

Thanks SD! I know that he is off his rocker, but I still don't understand why he has to knock me down to pick himself up. I guess that will puzzle me forever!<P>I vow to be pleasant from now on. I have been doing it for a month now and at least it makes ME feel good! NO LB'S!!!!!!<P>

My pastor said the same thing..."It's not you"<P>It feels sooo good to hear that... I realize I could have been better BUT my (or your) actions do not justify infidelity PERIOD.<P>

I agree! And in my case, infidelity was only the tip of the iceburg. <P>I can't save him. He has to want to save himself!! Even our pastor said that God could help, but only if Bill asked for it. Bill doesn't see he is wrong. He thinks he is justified somehow.<P>It is amazing to me how people can be so oblivious.