As I told y'all a couple of days ago I asked Mike for a divorce.<P>Then he turns around and asks me when he should take his vacation !<P>I am confused. Does he think I am joking with him ? Or that am am just upset and will get over it ?Or maybe that I will just accept the way things are between us and just keep on as we have been ?<P>Well, I am not joking ! And I will not keep going like we have been. I think I deserve to have a man be at least as nice and thoughtful to me as he is to his friends !<P>I told him to do what he wants to. It has nothing to do with me.<P>At this point all I want to do is keep things peaceful here so son won't know about this until after graduation in June.<P>I mean really, he knows about MB, he has posted a few times in the past. If he wants to work on this why isn't he here asking for advice on how to keep our marriage ? I am pretty sure he is coming here to read what I say. I have never hidden what I say here from him.<P>I am sooo confused . HELP<P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>

Deb,<BR>Is Mike sticking his head in the sand?<BR>Maybe he thinks if he pretends it's not real then it isn't.<BR>Ah girl, you know I have one of those. If he keeps smiling and going along on his merry way, then everything will get better.<BR>I don't think he sees it as joking. I think he probably believes it will get better all by itself.<BR>Sound familiar?<BR>No advice. Just my thoughts. I don't know how to make them take it seriously.<BR>Just one day at a time.

Deb,<BR>I am glad to hear you sounding so good, not that your relationship has improved, but your perspective on your self sounds very positive. I also do not think that Mike thinks that you are kidding, but that by ignoring the 'problem' he will not have to deal with it. He may feel that it would be less painful to get divorced than to deal with his own fears.. is it a fear of intimacy. You know my H gives me the same. can you ask for him to sit down aanad discuss the divorce? I have always felt that you and wasstuborn were in the same pea pod. I think we have all bloomed and grown, where God has planted us. I will pray for you. please keep in touch.

{{{{{DEB}}}}}}<BR>I don't know what Mike is thinking... I don't think he does either. It could be that he is hoping if he ignores the "problem" it will just go away, or that you will forget about it. <BR>You are in my thoughts & prayers. Oh, thanks for the hug yesterday... It ment a lot to me.<P>Hi Wassi,<BR>I don't want to sound like a raging feminist.... but I think most men are that way to some extent. <P>Lizam, I had a defining thought when I read your post about blooming & growing where God has planted us.... I think He realized that I was root bound, and he decided a transplant would greatly improve my growth and blooming potential! I am going to print that thought out and past it on the fridge and every mirror in my home. <P>Thoughts & Prayers to you all.<BR>Love,<BR>Butterfly<P>------------------<BR>There are deep sorrows and killing cares in life, but the encouragement and love of friends were given us to make all difficulties bearable. <BR>-- John Oliver Holmes<P>The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.<BR>-- Elie Wiesel<P><BR><p>[This message has been edited by Butterfly (edited February 25, 2000).]

Hmmm, maybe that IS it, maybe he thinks by ignoring it, it will go away. <P>Well he ignored me and I am so maybe thats why he thinks that ( It's a joke y'all, I have to make jokes or I will lose my mind)<P>I just don't know. <P>I just wish he had put a little effort into the affection and attention thing , ya know ? It would have made such a difference to me.<P>Ah well if wishes were pennies we would all be rich.<P>Thank You Wassi, Lizam and Butterfly for talking to me. I have to try to sleep now. <P><P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>

I think that sometimes marrige is like a habit, and when someone "changes the rules", so to speak, it takes time to figure out what those rules are, and how to work within different boundaries.<P>Could it be that Mike was just asking out of habit, not because he didn't believe you? <P>Do you think your lovebank is so empty, and you are so starved for attention, that you asked for a divorce to see if you could still get some sort of reaction? I know sometimes that can happen, even when we don't realize it? <P>So, if your lovebank is empty, and if you are going to start being on your own really soon, then you have to fill your lovebank with deposits from YOU. He can't make any withdrawals, because it is empty, right? I think that is what indifference is - or a lack of love, when the withdrawals aren't felt.<P>I think you are feeling more withdrawals. I don't think it is over for you, Deb. But, you do need to find a way to get your lovebank filled up. And no matter what you have tried, you find that Bozo isn't going to do it. So you have to find a way to fill it up for yourself.<P>Be good to yourself. Spoil yourself with the things in life that you love. <P>Take care of Y O U. <P>TNT

He probably thinks that you are upset for NOW, in a few you will be over it. Basically he thinks you are throwing a TEMPER TANTRUM! He isn't taking ANYTHING you say about your marriage seriously, because you have have never acted on any of the words you have said, as far as walking away from such a horrible situation, "Crying Wolf" again. It it time to stop talking and start doing, if what you say is really going to happen then there is no need to talk about it, be like Mike and JUST DO IT! But make sure that you mean what you say, because after awhile it just becomes a joke!

How about just asking him? He must have had some reason for doing that?

Hi all,<BR> <BR> Just got home from the shrink, I know thats not a nice thing to call him, but I don't know how to spell pysciatrist.<P>He seens to think I am in a major depression,<BR>wonder where he gets that idea ?<P><BR>Anyway, he is upping my meds and sending me to therapy. He advises me to wait to do anything drastic until I am not so depressed.<P>Can we all say Deb is nuts ? I thought you could. <P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>

Hi, Deb....First of all, you are not nuts. You said it all here: <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I am sooo confused<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Forgive me but I have to ask this question: <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I asked Mike for a divorce<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>If you are pretty sure as to what you want, why <B>ask</B> for a divorce? Is there some legal mechanism in your state that I'm not aware of? Or, did you just want to provoke a response from Mike? If it's the latter, I can sure understand that. I have been just as confused with W as you are with your H. There is a parallel with professed love, but a failure to stop the activity that causes you(me) pain.<P>I would certainly have tried in the past to provoke some kind of response. And often I did. Never worked the way I wanted it to.<P>Could this be what you were doing?<P>Just a thought....<P>Hugs to ya,<P>--DeWayne--

Deb is NOT nuts! <P>Deb is tired!<p>[This message has been edited by wasstubborn (edited February 25, 2000).]

Heartpain,<P>Maybe <B> asked </B> was the wrong wording here.<P>I should have said I <I> told </I> Mike I want a divorce <P>No I didn't say if just for a reaction, I said it because I ment it. <P>Do I really want to divorce the father of my children, the man I have been with more than half my life ? No<P><B> But I don't want to be married to a man who cannot or will not give me the affection and attention he finds so easy to give other women. </B><P>Ok Wassi,<P>Lets just say Deb is tired <B> and </B> nuts<BR>ok ? <P><BR>Oh BTW tonight he did say "I don't want a divorce". But he didn't say what he does want either. ::<P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>

Deb,<P>you are not nuts.....you are bone-tired of being dismissed and disrespected.....<P>hang in, and do what is right for you....<P>Dylan