Although my H is living w/ the OW, recently we started having sex again. I know that deep down he still loves me and I love him, but he is "in love" with the OW. I can tell that he feels very guilty afterwards. Should sex during separation be a part of plan A? Do you think this is a sign that plan A is working? I would appreciate your feedback.<BR>Thanks,<BR>Sleepless

dear sleepless,<BR>it is often hard to let go of the past, and sex is sometimes the last thing to go. your husband is very confused right now. but by allowing him to have sex with you while he is living and having sex with the other woman is allowing him, in my opinion, way too much. now he is cheating on 2 women! having him in your arms and then watching him go "home" to the OW can only be very painful for you because you only get your hopes dashed time and again. this is only my opinion, but if you want you husband back, you have to stand firm and not allow him to have his cake and eat it too. it's wonderful to be receptive to talking it out and understanding where it all went wrong, but he can only half-commit to working it out when he's still with the OW (and even worse, living with her!). after all the pain you've been through, i'm sure the last thing you want is a half-assed commitment. good luck.

Hi Sleepless,<P>I do not believe that having intercourse with your S is in Plan A.

If your H is living with OW...shouldn't you be in Plan B? Hard as it is, I would try my best not to have sex with him, as long as he is with her. This is only my opinion...

Well, I think that you should do whatever you are comfortable doing. Just make sure you're having safe sex.<P>Personally, I think I would go for it, since Plan A is to deposit as many love units as possible. Besides, I'm for anything that might p*$$ the OW off and make her start lovebusting.

It was 2 months on the 29 of Nov. that husband moved out when I found out about his affair. We have had great sex, but every time afterward he is angry, nervous and upset. He finally told me it was like he was cheating on the O/W. He is not seeing her now and starts therapy tomorrow. But I will not be having sex with him again until he commites to making our marriage work and stops talking to the O/W. It is hard to give sex up. I miss getting kissed and held and made to feel special. But it is to hard on me to let him leave knowing that I have been used for sex. We only have ourselves whatever happens. We have to take care of ourselves. But I do like the response I think from Sweet Pea, I do love to do things that would P**s the O/W off.

Sleepless in STL,<P>I agree with Sweetpea... maybe not for entirely the same reasons...<P>Yes... filling the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3200_love.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Bank</A> is important... but <B>only you</B> can make the decision of whether you want to continue with sex.<P>There is a fine line between fulfilling H's <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A>... and losing self-respect...<P>Each one of us in Plan A... have to decide what is right for ourselves... Since my Plan A is a long-distance Plan A... I have no choice in the matter... If she(my W) was still with me... strange as it may sound... I would try to satisfy her <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A>... of course that's my view now... still needing to make up for past <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A>.<P>The decision isn't easy...<BR>Some soul searching is in order...<BR>Don't knock your own decision... it's part of who you are! <BR>And who you are is a good person... <P>Jim<BR>---------------------------------<BR>Where two or more are gathered...

Thanks for your feeback everybody! Especially to you, NSR, I really value your opinion.

I agree with Jim. You have to do what works for you. I am not having sex with my H, but it's not because I don't want to. It's because he feels he is cheating on OW (isn't that a crock?). Do what you feel in your heart is the right thing for you.