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Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 18
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 18 |
Everyday I have this uncontrollable urge to call the OW. Even though (as far as I know) there has been no contact between she and my husband, I just want to call her and let her know just how much she has hurt me. I want to tell her what a whore I think she is for seducing my H. I know it takes two to tango, but I also know my H would not have instigated something like this, he is extremely shy with women.<P>I know I shouldn't sink to her level but I just can't shake this need to talk to her. I tried once and she hung up on me. If I did talk to her I would probably end up finding out something more that I probably don't want to know. I have to fight this urge. It's wrong, it's stupid and I need to forget it - right???
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Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 762
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Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 762 |
Don't call her. It will just give her an excuse to contact your H and tell him how mean you were to her. Leave her alone. Your H is with you...not her. Calling her would be a huge lovebuster.<P>But, I know how you feel!!
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Joined: Jul 1999
Posts: 1,036
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Joined: Jul 1999
Posts: 1,036 |
By contacting her you are giving her MORE POWER over you. Not only that do you really think she cares how YOU ARE HURTING! If that were the case she would not slept with a MM. You are going through a pattern that we all go through. We feel the need to blame someone so we blame OP. Even though it was not their duty to protect your marriage it was the spouses duty to protect the marriage but they strayed. You feel the need to hate OP because it is hard to face the fact that you still love someone who has hurt you so, so it makes it easier to hate OP and make them into the bad guy. Yes we way it was the spouses fault, but that also makes us face the fact that our choice in the person we chose to spend the rest of our lives with. Think about it, you may be in that stage when you need to blame and it's easier to blame OP.
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Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 14,283
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Member
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 14,283 |
I fight the same urge sometimes, but I know it wouldn't accomplish anything and could easily backfire bigtime (actually, I don't even want to call her names, since they stopped short of sex, but do want to tell her we are working on recovery and to stay away--which she's doing anyway, so why do I want to call? Oh well, I digress...)<P>Put that anger into something else--clean a closet, pull weeds, or do like I do and scream in the car!<P>Kathi<BR>
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Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 232
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Member
Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 232 |
Forget it. It doesn't do you any good and will only encourage them. I know I've been there. Focus on you and work through your own emotions, vent to us, vent to your dog or cat, but don't take it out on the OW. That doesn't do any good and you may find out something you don't want to.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Allen<BR>sparky_dog_mb@yahoo.com
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Joined: Nov 1999
Posts: 41
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Joined: Nov 1999
Posts: 41 |
RHH: How about writing her a letter that you don't mail, and then keep it around and add to it whenever you feel the need! Or vent here or to a friend who will just listen to you.
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Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 44
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Member
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 44 |
I had a couple of conversations on the phone with the OW while my H and I were still separated, an IM conversation and a telephone conversation with her after he left her and we got back together, and have since sent her a nasty email telling her how he truly felt about her (with details only my H would know, so that she knows I'm telling the truth. Some of the things she said to me (like "I would fight for him now if I thought it would do any good" among others)really pissed me off and make me want to really mess with her. She's the head of her Episcopal church. I can't stop thinking how nice it would be if the congregation knew what a hyprocrite she really is. Sometimes I think it's only fair for the OP to suffer a bit. We don't owe them anything.
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