About 3 weeks ago, maybe 4, my H and I were going to counseling. Within days, he left to live the OW. Him counseling with me was a total farse. I have just filed for divorce last Tuesday, mostly because I believe it is my right as the betrayed to make that decision, not his, and I haven't looked back. I've always been raised (especially by my dad) to seek the truth. It's always been the most important thing in my life, which is why God is at the top of my list. Sometimes you have to see things as they are, not how you wish they were. He lives with her, it is what it is and he's not coming back. He would just string me along forever if he could, because he has no care left for me or my feelings. I'm not someone who can live with lies and deceit, it's too important to me.<P>When a person does this to a spouse it is the highest disrespect that can be done. Many of the cheaters want their cake, etc. and the only reason they can do that is if there is no love left for the spouse, and the disrespect, lies and deceit come very easy because they simply don't care, they've poisoned their minds and given themselves to someone else who doesn't belong there.<P>However, for anyone else who has made the decision (the worst one of your life), I found through my church a program called DivorceCare and it has been wonderful. It is very helpful, like this forum and Dr. Harley's books to try to save your marriage, to know how to end one if it's necessary and how to avoid a lot of big mistakes and deal with your emotions the way God would want us to. Many churches run this program and I highly recommend it to any Christian, or not, people who need help with all the huge emotional aspects of finally moving on. I am actually looking forward to my future and am becoming less afraid of being a single mom. And in a couple years maybe I'll consider dating after I find out who I am again, afterall I'm not the same person anymore I was before I got married. I've become quite optimistic. I just highly recommend it to anyone as something worthwhile to seek out.<P>As for my H, his thing might end but that has nothing to do with me. Sometimes things happen for a reason, and with a lot of support it's not always going to be the worst thing that ever happened. This is by no means an encouragement to divorce. It's a big ugly mess. Avoid it if you can and if there is any hope! But live in reality and get the support if it comes apart because it makes all the difference.<P>Take care all, God bless<P>Kathy
