[censored]:<P>One thing that is sometimes difficult for me to remember when posting here is that words have such a powerful impact. There are really no facial expressions and certainly, no body language. Sometimes, I place more emphasis on words than the original author intended for there to be. I guess I picture that everyone is responding as "passionately" as I'm posting. And, sometimes, that's just not true.<P>Anyway, I obviously misinterpreted your reply to my post. I really am sorry. <P>Throughout my life, some people have had a tendency to make my business their business. It is my nature to be very "open", and some people take advantage of that. Some people have a tendency to want to pry into my business and "boss" me in areas that are really not their business. So, when I read your response, I immediately put up a "wall". Now, I understand that you were not trying to be arrogant or bossy -- you were just trying to help. I know that you are frustrated with me -- I could sense that from your first response to me (then, you mentioned your frustration in your second response). It hurt my feelings to know that you were frustrated with me, because I have been frustrated with myself for a very long time now.<P>I hope that you can forgive me for being so defensive. It's just that I'm accustomed to being defensive in that one area of my life.<P>Believe it or not, I DO listen to what you have to say. Your words are never wasted.<P>So, if there was a donkey listed in the smilies legend, my face would be next to it. I'm a donkey (hee haw).<P>I apologize. I hope that you'll accept my apology.<P>Love in Christ,<P>Jill<BR>

Jill:<P>I feel at present, your emotions are pretty 'raw'....perhaps like a wounded animal huddled in a corner who might mis-interpret an attempt to help as an attack.<P>I am speaking from my own personal experience because this is the way I was for soooo long.<P>I also know what it is like to 'open up' and be transparent and vulnerable and then have people take advantage of that...it could almost be termed 'emotional rape'.<P>We all have our 'defense' mechanisms (walls) that we erect to protect ourselves.<P>I too, am a very open and honest person, but I have had to learn the hard way...there is balance in this area. What I mean is...you can not be open with just 'anyone' and 'everyone'.<P>I have learned you can not receive from someone you do not respect and no-one has a right to give you input or invade you..unless they have earned that right.<P>I have even experienced those that 'pridefully' declared "I HAVE A WORD FROM GOD FOR YOU BROTHER!"<P>I'm sorry.....but I do not receive from those kind of people.<P>This is what I meant when I said "in a multitude of counselors there is safety (wisdom)"....but the flip side of that is "there is also confusion" because even as you have seen from the numerous posts about your situation....everyone has their opinion (including me).<P>It might be time for you to back away, back off and get real quiet with the Lord and see what He says. "Be still and know that I am God".<P>God is always speaking to His children, by the Spirit...it's just that the Holy Spirit will never engage in a shouting match with your flesh!<P>Also, His voice is small, still and gentle and can not be heard above the din and roar of confusion and many voices.<P>Please do not take this wrong Jill, but I will again offer you my e-mail address if you feel you need to be more open.<P>Again....let me repeat myself...the only reason I feel impressed that you should confess all is for YOUR sake and your own healing.<P>If you choose not to...then this is something you will have to live with for the rest of your life eating away at you. If you can handle that....then perhaps it is wise to shut the door on the past and go forth.<P>You never answered my question...what kind of a husband was your husband at the time of your indiscriminate affair? Was he not meeting your needs?<P>I am not trying to justify what you did, but many men stupidly and unknowingly drive their wives into the arms of another man.<P>Please keep me (and us) posted on your progress!<P>[censored] from Texas (Fort Worth)

up to the top so Jill doesn't miss [censored]'s response.<P>