My H is not seeing the OW anymore, but he does have to sit in some meetings where she is present. He also keeps up an internet correspondence and instant messages with her. Phone calls, too. The affair has downgraded (?) from EA & PA to just EA. Yesterday, he told me that it hurt him that I did not respect her, that he wanted me to admit that she had good qualities. Sheesh!! Ok, the woman is intelligent, and outside of their affair, she may be a good person, but what she has done to US is evil. He wants me to respect her, but he allows her to call me names (the alien) and he lets her try to undermine our relationship. He will not cut her out of his life completely at this time, although he says he is getting closer and closer to that point. I cannot see making him leave, or leaving him. because the fact that I am out of town 4 days a week is a part of our problem now. <P>Anyway, I can't talk to IdiotBoy about this right now, so I wanted to rave/vent about it somewhere. Thanks for listening, thanks for caring.<P>------------------<BR>I wish I didn't know now what I didn't know then.

Nobeswax,<P>I do understand where you are coming from. (just read my last post and you will see just how much). I don't have much advice to offer you except to come here to vent and rant and rave. It can be a blessing.<BR>Just wanted you to know you are not alone.<BR>God Bless<P>------------------<BR>Love and Prayers<BR>Nicole <p>[This message has been edited by Patient Love (edited February 29, 2000).]

NBW,<BR>Rant Rave & Vent all you want..... the next time he tells you you have no respect for her, ask him why you should... She obviously (and him too) has no respect for YOU or YOUR marriage. Probably none for herself either!<P>Your post made me angry, because I can see my XH all over it! <P>Thougths & Prayers <BR>Butterfly<BR>{{{{{{{{{{{{{Nobeswax}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Can we use B-t-h! on this board? The OW has just announced that she is going to divorce her husband. D-mn d-mn d-mn! So far, my H has not gone running to her rescue, as she wishes he would, but I do not know how long he will be able to watch her struggle to live without a job. She says that she would have left her H anyway, because she does not love him and he isn't any good in bed (the reason she gave for having an affair with my H to begin with) and that she has to leave now because she needs to get money from DHS for her daughter from another marriage and they will not help her as long as she has her H's income. The daughter supposedly needs treatment for ADS or something like that. I do not know if this is true or not, but why now? I retire in 3 weeks, then I will not be traveling 4 days a week, I will be home 24/7 and I think that she felt that when I was home all the time that the EA would end, also. (when I am home, he does not e-mail and Instant Message with her like he does when I am gone. Sometimes he will deliberately not turn the puter on because he knows she may hit him with a message.)He has already ended the PA. So I think she was afraid that he would end it all and she did this to put pressure on him. She has not accepted that the PA is over, she tries to get him to come be with her and he refuses. So now this!!<P>------------------<BR>I wish I didn't know now what I didn't know then.

nbw,<P>I am sorry to hear that the OW is pulling such nasty tricks. I am sure that it doesn't make your life any easier, especially if your H doesn't see them for what they are (nasty tricks). I don't have much advice to give you except to keep up your plan A eforts and come HERE to vent. Do not vent your frustrations of OW at your husband, it will only make OW appear to be more of a victim.<BR>Glad to see you back.<BR>Vent here anytime you want it can be a great relief. Also use the similies legend to the left. A little humor may relieve some tension too.<BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <P><BR>------------------<BR>Love and Prayers<BR>Nicole <p>[This message has been edited by Patient Love (edited March 08, 2000).]

Thanks Nicole, it does help to have a place to vent at times. I hadn't posted in the last few days because I had a long weekend at home, Friday thru Monday, I only have to be gone 3 nights this week, Tues-Thurs. I know that the pressure on him goes up when I am gone, he tells me about it. Kinda like, 'See what a good boy I am, I didn't fold with this!' He is trying, and I know that it is really hurting him that he is hurting all three of us. He says that he can see some of the addiction in it, but he just can't turn loose completely. He is working toward that goal, tho. We pray together morning and night, even when I am out of town, we pray on the phone. Our prayer it that God will help us make our marriage happy and strong again. If you pray together, you are united in a goal for at least as long as you are praying. I know that God will work for us if we ask him. <P>------------------<BR>I wish I didn't know now what I didn't know then.

Well, I guess I just love busted pretty good tonight. He was going to a meeting that he doesn't care about because the OW was going to be there. I told him what I thought about that. Didn't go over too good. Oh, well, on the other hand, some things are getting better. He says he is looking forward to my being home all the time when I retire in 2 weeks. And, his therapist thinks that we are way ahead of where we should be this soon after discovery. She also wants him to sever all contact with OW, but cannot force him to do so. She has offered to do marriage counselling with us if he will do so. It WILL happen someday, soon I hope. In the meantime, she has talked to him about a couples seminar in Dallas and we are attending it the weekend that I retire. She thinks it will help us a lot. In fact, she told him today that it might be all we need to put our marriage back together. <P> I just wish he did not still feel this compulsion to see the OW. He has even said that at times he feels hypnotized when he is emailing or messenging with her on the puter. Like he has no control over what he does when he is talking to her. Then he wonders why I don't like him talking to her! Sheesh <P>Anyway, I am hopeful that things are going to work out rather quickly. His therapist seems to think so and from what I read here, I also think we are improving nicely. Some of you have worked for 2 years and not gotten where we are in 2 months. <P>He has always been my best friend. We have always talked about everything, and that has not stopped since discovery. We have discussed the affair until we are both tired of it. It does take the hurt out of something when it becomes passe. OW would hate it if she knew we refer to her as "the elephant in the living room". That is what we say when one of us is being bothered by thoughts about the affair that will not go away. One of us will say there is an elephant in the living room and the other will say let's talk about it. I think our ability to talk to each other has helped us to work on healing so quickly. <P>The only time he has held things back from me was before discovery. He would have confessed sooner, I think, except she kept telling him that I would leave him and tell her H what was going on and ruin her life too. Like she hasn't tried to ruin mine. He knows me better than that. And I have not/will not tell her H what is going on, even tho she has now filed for a divorce. My white knight H is doing a good job of keeping his rescue impulses under control, I do not need to do anything to cause him to think she needs rescuing. Giving her H the ammunition he needs to really clean her clock would do that. I may be crazy, but I ain't stoopid! Her H can take care of himself. Perhaps, if he had been taking care of business at home, none of this would have happened. That is her story anyway, she only wanted to have sex with my H because hers couldn't/wouldn't. Of course, now that she has found out how good mine can be she has decided she wants him all the time. <P>Enough for now. We are still praying together to mend our marriage, as long as we do that there is hope.<P>------------------<BR>I wish I didn't know now what I didn't know then.<P>[This message has been edited by nobeswax (edited March 09, 2000).]<p>[This message has been edited by nobeswax (edited March 09, 2000).]