edited by claudia103<p>[This message has been edited by Claudia103 (edited March 12, 2000).]

If all else fails, say NOTHING. Let him do the talking and answer whatever question he asks calmly.

Hi there,<BR> When my H would come by while we were separated I for the most part acted as if I was managing just fine,enjoying the decreased demands since he was gone, After all, I could feed the kids hot dogs and eat a can of soup and not have to cook. When he came on weekends I cooked his favorite things. If he asked how I was doing, on some occasions I would let him see my sadness,but not always. Sometimes I cried,never being angry,but just tearful. I always told him I supported him and loved him but that I missed him and didn't have to be happy about the separation. Good luck tonight..go get him girl!!!Let us know how it goes.

Claudia,<P>I have been in your same situation. Don't tell him how sad the kids are. I know when I did that my husband was out the door in 10 minutes. Do stay strong. I know that is a tough one! If he asks how you are doing, say "GREAT!". I know it isn't easy and I had a tough time doing it too. I guess for me, I just wanted my husband to know that I am doing great without him here. In fact, I am doing better without him here! I am going to file for divorce though. So, I am probably in a different place than you are. But, I guess that my best advice is to just stay strong and let him do all the talking. Just answer his questions. Try not to cry, that is a tough one too. I did cry here and there when I saw my h last but then I laughed at him too. He has been tanning and he went too long and got a nasty burn on his butt. Well, everytime I would think about how red his butt must be, I would burst out laughing. It made him really uncomfortable. I even slapped him on his butt really hard. What I am saying here is, if at all possible, look for something funny about your husband. Something that can make you laugh or smile when you look at him. That way you will appear to be doing just fine. If you can't find anything funny about your husband, just think about my husband's red butt. Oh, I know this is hard for you. I was feeling just like you on Saturday. I think you will find that the hardest part will be when he leaves. It was for me. I sort of had a meltdown on the couch that evening. Just covered up with a blanket and bawled and fell asleep. Know what though, I felt better the next day! Hang in there and I will be thinking of you tonight! Remember, red butt! Sorry, I am just trying to give you something to think about!<P>~Woozy

OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH<BR>I like the RED BUTT story <BR>sorry must be too long without for me !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<P>All I could picture of my H is him asleep on the couch with his mouth open and drooling.<P>But I think you have the right idea act strong and confident even if you don't feel it. (it's going to take me along time to forget the RB)not that I want to.<P>------------------<BR>Peg

Peggy,<P>I am certainly glad you enjoyed the red butt story! I am still laughing myself. I think my husband has an over inflated ego these days. You know, he is living with the ow now and he has to do whatever he can to look more appealing to her. The best part was, he wasn't going to tell me he was tanning. I used to work in a tanning salon when I was in high school. I could tell right away he was tanning. That in itself is a joke to me, him tanning that is. Anyway, I called him on it right away and that really got to him. When I slapped him on the butt he said, "I hope you enjoyed that!" I said, "I most certainly did!" My sister was hoping I had done it about thirty more times for her. The drooling thing is good too though. Just remember, these guys think they are pretty hot stuff right now, but we know better! Of course we still love them but we know who they are and we know all their dirty little secrets! The dirty little ones from living with them that is.<P>~Woozy

Claudia,<P>How did your night go? I have been thinking about you and hoping it went well! Let us know!<P>Woozy

My stbx did the tanning thing too. Didn't know about other woman back then. Now I laugh because my H doesn't tan anywhere but on his face and arms. When I finally saw the other woman I realized why....she was a sun worshiper too. I always would love to go up and ask him if she has leather shoes to match her leather skin. YUK Now he thinks he is such a stud. But my girls said his boobs are bigger than mine..(which doesn't take much) and that the lay ever so gently on his big beer belly. That his hair is so thin on top of his head that his bald spot could blind you and his hair is getting so gray. Also his fashion sense is really something. Those Hawiian shirts and baggy pants with pockets all over them. Sounds so studly. HaHa. That keeps me going when I get real sad. I just hope he doesn't go for the speedo bathing suit this summer. Well maybe he should.LOL

Woozy,<P>It was a short visit but a pleasant one. He came over at 7. He was very tired. He doesn't sleep well at night, never has, but denies he has any depression!!!<P>The kids were well behaved. It was pretty calm. THey all loved on him but did not melt down. (except maybe 10 y.o. D. who tries to avoid him). <P>He read to them and kissed them goodnight. <BR>He talked with me about work and buying a new car. That was it. But he answered my questions without that Robert DiNiro "Are you talkng to me look". He smiled and gave me a really big hug when he left.<P>He took the exercise bike and some textbooks for work before he left.<P>He has some MLC with this in that he is SO focused on exercise and he seems to want to work a million hours and work until he is 70. (very uncharacteristic). Of course OP works by his side, but not all of those hours. But it is WHAT they talk about. It has got to get old soon right??????<P>He is coming over on Friday night to watch the kids so I can go out. He wants to make them dinner and put them to bed. That's it for this week. <P>This is sooooooooooooooooo difficult. THis is soooooooooooooo different from the life I had just 3 months ago. Some days the profound sadness I feel really almost drowns me. I get up in my room and wonder where my life went. But I am not willing to let it go without a good fight!!!!!!

I'm glad your still willing to fight for what you want.<P>Sounds like it went well and I hope it just gets better but remember there will be set backs and don't beat yourself up over those OK?<BR>Hang in there and keep us posted,(as they say) <P>------------------<BR>Peg

Hi Claudia,<P>I am glad you made it through the evening ok. I know it is hard! I kind of decided to do a no contact thing for now. I am not going to contact my husband unless it has to do with the bills or the kids or having to file a restraining order against a neighbor. <P>I guess all I can say is keep your chin up and stay strong! When you said that about it being so different than your life was three months ago.... Well, I can totally relate to that one! Back in July, my life was wonderful, even in August and September. October came and my life was changed forever! Well, the affair started in October, I didn't actually find out until December. It just hurts like heck! Take care of yourself! That is the main thing! If you take good care of yourself, you will be able to take good care of your kids! I will be thinking about you!<P>~Woozy

Hello Claudia,<BR> Sounds like you did great last night! I know how hard it is and how sad you feel,but it will be worth it. I really feel that he'll come to his senses. He has sooo much to lose. Chances are he's not going to give up you and his kids and his side of the family and his reputation.<P>Mid life crisis big time! The exercise thing...my H did that. I guess he wanted to look good for OW when he was planning to go see her.He'd get mad at me when I told him I loved him just the way he was. Now that he's been home he's gained 15 lbs. Fat and happy! No he's not fat at all. The work hours,I think, are his way to avoid his guilt. If he's distracted,he doesn't have time to THINK,right? My H didn't do it with work at work,but came home and worked on the computer,built computers systems for everyone he knew,watched sports til there where no more sports to watch and did the exercise thing if he had any time left over.Now that your H is living away from home he's got to stay distracted or he will think about what he's doing.The conflict avoider is avoiding his conflict. Hang in there!