It has been three weeks since discovery. I have posted before with great suggestions. But today I saw depression in my H and I was depressed as well. I could not stop myself from saying and asking things I have said before. We got into a fight, and I asked if I should move he first said no, but futher into the fight he said maybe. I have calmed down since then and so has he, he didn't mean for me to move out is what he said later. I need to work on his depression from his addiction, and put my feelings on hold but how do I stop before I say anything, in anger, frustation and depression? We are getting some herbal meds tomorrow to help with this, but HELP me please. <P>Also is it a good sign he told OW face to face 3 weeks ago we are trying to save our marriage and they have had no contact since? I know this because he is depressed<p>[This message has been edited by jc67501 (edited February 29, 2000).]

JC,<P>Your profile didn't have your story, so I'm not exactly sure what's happening, but I would say, you are going to make it. Don't leave!!! It sounds like he is doing the right things, generally, I mean the no contact commitment. You need to just love him through his withdrawal. He'll have to go through it, all you can do is support him. Recognize who your enemy is, it's not him. In all of these situations, there are at least 4 parties involved if not more. God, Satan, you H and you, and in your case the OW. Your enemy is Satan, he will tell you lies, just like he is telling your H lies. You need to recognize that some of what your H is saying is reflecting back the lies that Satan is telling him, direct your hate at the right enemy, not your H.<P>God is there for you, to give you strength, guidance and encouragment if you let Him, seek Him out.<P>Hang in there,<P>Repenting<BR><P>------------------<BR>Fear God and you will have nothing else to fear<P>Hosea 3

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by jc67501:<BR><B>It has been three weeks since discovery. I have posted before with great suggestions. But today I saw depression in my H and I was depressed as well. I could not stop myself from saying and asking things I have said before. We got into a fight, and I asked if I should move he first said no, but futher into the fight he said maybe. I have calmed down since then and so has he, he didn't mean for me to move out is what he said later. I need to work on his depression from his addiction, and put my feelings on hold but how do I stop before I say anything, in anger, frustation and depression? We are getting some herbal meds tomorrow to help with this, but HELP me please. <P>Also is it a good sign he told OW face to face 3 weeks ago we are trying to save our marriage and they have had no contact since? I know this because he is depressed<P>[This message has been edited by jc67501 (edited February 29, 2000).]</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I don't know if this will help you, but I would say things like "One more day has past, which is good. I know you need time to move on toward our marriage, and I need time to put this in the distant past. I see your hurt, and I am sorry you are going through this. I hurt also, and perhaps if we share our pain, we will move from the past and get toward the future faster." Too corny? Do use words like our future, summer is around the corner. Always speak looking forward. Don't mention anything remotely linked to the past. Stay away from, "last year we got Sue a x for her birthday." Stay will Sue's b/d is in March and I know she likes CD's. Let's go get one. (But not if ow & he swaped music.) Man. the things you have to do in order to stay married! But it will be worth it. Remind your husband that is an opportunity to start over in your marriage and change things for the better. Best wishes.<BR>Give him credit for telling her face to face. That is a very good sign. Remind him that you are glad he is here with you, and you like having him near you when you sleep. V.

I have been there,,,,,and I know how you feel, and it will probably be one of the most difficult times of your life. <P>My H broke it off with ow June/99,,for the official time. He had lived with her for 2 months and broke it off with her and moved home. He was so happy to be home at first because he thought I was going to divorce him and he didnt want to lose everything, so at first his withdrawal wasnt bad.. After a couple of months she bought a house around the corner from us and continued to try to contact him.. He was weak... He came home crying because of the way he felt.. He saw her a few times and that is all it took for him to get crazy again.. Thus the withdrawal really set in worse.. It went up and down that way for a while.. He would go a while without seeing her, start to feel better, and whammo, contact, withdrawal, and the pain started all over again.. He had to hit his head against the wall several times before he woke up.. He had to realize it himself.. and it was a leaned process and something that took time for him to get through.. It took from June until about Dec. for him to get through it.. Now he is doing really well.. You will be able to tell,,but it happend very slowly and very gradually..<BR>Hang in there,, I did and I am glad.. Plan A is worth it.. its very hard,, sometimes I just bit my lip...<BR>There is hope,, just know it takes time!!!!<BR>