I posted last week about my 16 yo D and my concern over a 26 yo sailor showing what I think is inappropriate attention to her-they met over the Internet. I asked for advice onhow to handle it and whether to notify my ex. Well, she received a hugh bouquet of flowers that were obviously very expensive, and also over the weekend he called again and they were on the phone for quite a while. To make a long story short, I did Email my ex, explaining my concern and I said she got a hugh bouquet of flowers, bigger than I had ever gotten and covered half of her dresser. I asked for his input on how we should handle this and we needed to be united in our approach. I thought I chose my words very carefully, because I'm trying to maintain a Plan A approach. Today I receive a nasy gram Email stating he is tired of my ex-bashing and did not appreciate my comment about the size of the flowers and that I had never gotten any that big. It was also up to me to control her access to the computer ,not his and that he could only talk with her and advise her. I do know it is up to me, and my daughter and I have had a long talk. The tone was very angry and I don't know where the anger was coming from,because I certainly was not trying to "ex-bash". I was trying to include him in the situation and get his input only. What do I do now? His response totally surprized me. Sorry, about the length ,I didn't know how to brief it down, so you all would see the whole picture.

I don't have a lot of time right now, 'cause I really need to be working , but I think you need to bug your phone to find out exactly what this guy is saying to your daughter.<P>You are within your rights as a parent to forbid any adult to contact your daughter. I had to do this once when we were having problems with some people who were encouraging our daughter to disobey us. If they had disregarded my instructions, I could have pressed charges against them for contributing to the delinquency of a minor. Check out the laws in your state. BTW, I just found out that I can get the whole annotated codes for our state on the internet; maybe you can, too.<P>Anyway, I would talk to my daughter about my concerns and tell her that the limit is that there is to be no inappropriate contact between this guy and her, or you will take whatever action you need to take in order to protect her. Be very calm and loving when you talk to her, but be firm. See what you can do to encourage her to be more active in friendships locally.<P>Good luck! (And, boy! What a jerk your H was about your note, although I can see that the comment about the flowers was probably a LB that perhaps made him feel guilty.)

Is this man in the Marine Corps or the Navy? If he is either, it is totally inappropriate for him to be involved with a minor and he could be thrown out of his branch of service if the involvement were to become known to his superiors. Find out exactly what he is doing with your daughter and call his commanding officer if you need to. <P>PS If he is in one of the armed forces please don't let this jerk taint your views of most of the men in the service. Most of them are really good guys, unfortunately the few that make idiots of themselves are the ones that get the most attention. <P>Oops, also, make sure this guy knows your daughter is only 16 before you turn him in. <p>[This message has been edited by KBear (edited March 01, 2000).]