In Ann Landers or Dear Abby yesterday, there was a letter from a woman who fell in love with a man who saved her from drowning. She said she had been happily married, and apparently the rescuer and she spent approximately 15 minutes together, and now she is supposedly in love. I don't know which is worse - how easily people seem to be able to fall in love with someone else, or how quickly they begin to detest their spouse after doing so. Do people really fall in love that easily when they are not involved with someone else? How many people here fell in love with their spouses after knowing them for only 15 minutes, or 15 days? Would you have ditched your entire life to be with them after knowing them only a month or two, or is this just characteristic of people in affairs?

Actually, I am beginning to think that there is something spooky going on. Like some collective unconsciousness the betrayers hook into in their dreams (or near drowning exp.). <P>I believe this because I thought my situation was out of the "Twilight Zone" and then I found this site and saw some of the exact sentences repeated here time and time again that I heard from my husband.<P>Plus he really looked possessed. Then I began to read "People of the Lie" by Scott Peck. <P>No I did not feel that way after 15 min. Of course I was 30 when I married. I waited until I met someone who I thought was as committed to a relationship as I. I wanted to make sure it was someoone unlike my Dad who was immature, selfish, loud and did in fact go through a MLC and have an affair, although he never left my mom.<P>Seems like I ended up marrying a man like my Dad except for the loudness.

Isn't that what they call "The Florence Nightingale Affect?"....where the ill/injured person falls in love (or thinks that they are in love) with whomever it is that saves him/her?

I think that I dated my stbx for about 6 months before I felt that he just might be the person I wanted to marry. We dated for 4 years before we got married. He wouldn't even have sex with me until he knew for sure that I was the one for him. Boy have times changed....and him too.

Nellie,<BR> Maybe this falls back on the"Knight in Shining Armor"theory.Wouldn't you feel emotionally close to a man who saved your life?Perhaps you'd begin to compare him to your boring,old H.Doesn't this seem like a unrealistic,temporary infatuation,though?<P> Claudia,<BR> What's this book about?Can you give me a brief summary?Thanks. --Murph

I believe you can become immediately infatuated with someone, or experience a rush of attracted interest/lust, but falling in love with a person is not at first sight. You simply don't know anything about them.<P>I read an article about the Florence Nightingale/"Dr. Kildare" (sigh, Richard Chamberlain) syndrome awhile back. The article suggested that when a person is saved or rescued physically, AND there's some attraction, the rescuee may confuse extreme gratitude with being in love. It is total fantasy at that point.

I agree, instant lust, instant curiosity. But love, real love takes time. Look at all us "betrayed" that waited, took love slow and we still got the raw end of the deal.<P>Some people might be afraid to be alone, so they latch on when ever they can. My H is possessed and out of the twilight zone too. I am at a loss of words for his behavior many times.<P>Lately, I am so sick of his confusion, I just give it right back to him. I say things that contradict themself just to see if he even listens to me. He catches it every time. I know I shouldn't do it, but I do believe this affair will end and he is going to be even more messed up than he is now.<P>Instant love, that would be nice!!!<P>Dana<BR>

Claudia,<P>My H was 30 when we married, too. Even so, said something to our daughter about having made a mistake {marrying me} when he was young. <P>No Trust,<P>I've heard of that, but I thought it applied to people who had nursed someone through an illness or injury - not someone they spent 15 minutes with. But maybe it applies here, too. <P>Mental,<P>I wish someone had prepared me for the possibility that the man I had known for almost a quarter of a century could undergo a complete personality change. I knew people could pretend to be someone they weren't, for a matter of months or maybe a couple of years, and obviously brain tumors or schizophrenia can cause altered behavior, but I had no idea that this sort of thing could happen to people while they still remained functional. I knew of only two acquaintances whose H's left them for an OW - one, I didn't know that well, though I had thought her H was a decent person and was shocked, and the other H I always thought was a narcissistic jerk. I must have led a sheltered existence.<P>Murph,<P>Ann Landers/Dear Abby told her she was confusing gratitude with love. I kind of doubt that that particular "relationship" would have a future. What really bothers me is that apparently normal people, in reasonably happy marriages, seem to be able to fall in love with someone else at the drop of a hat, and then immediately turn on their current spouses. When I fell in love with my H, I didn't suddenly start hating the last boyfriend I had had - perhaps because that relationship had ended long before, so there was no guilt involved.<P>Lucks,<P>Hopefully, that sort of "love" is very short-lived. <P>Hey, Tim - Has anyone ever fallen in love with you on the way to the hospital?<P>lonelymom,<P>Unfortunately, it doesn't seem to make any difference whether you take love slow or fast, whether you know someone for 20 minutes or 20 years - you can't count on anything.

Murphy, People of the lie is written my M. Scott Peck the psychiatrist who wrote "The Road Less Travelled". It is an interesing book which describes via case studies how evil exists in human nature and how evil humans can wreak havoc on others. He makes a point regarding free will as being evil. He also warns that dealing with evil people can make you evil. It is worth a read. Claudia

Nellie,<P>That's not funny! <P>Strange but true story. Mostly strange because I'm in it. I was working for an ambulance company back in 1979. We were sent to a rehab hospital to transport a child to a specialized facility about 2 hours away. Some kind of back problems, I believe. <P>Well, the rehab hospital sent a nurse along with the patient. I guess they figured I needed a baby sitter. She was kinda cute and we chatted the entire way. I remembered her name and called about a month after the trip.<P>Within a year and a half we were married. Yep, met Toni [first W] in the back of the ambulance.<P>So, I imagine you could say that someone fell in "like" with me on the way to the hospital.<P>

Tim,<P>Thanks for the story. It's nice to hear "normal" stories for a change.

A few weeks ago, I was watching an episode of "Third Watch." One of the paramedics (was only doing his job) and came to the rescue of this woman. I think she got hit by a car, but I'm not sure. Anyway, the woman becomes infatuated by the paramedic and goes out looking for him. They eventually start dating.<P>Seems like another "Knight in Shining Armour" theory in tv-land.