ok here is my story,<P>My husband and I have been together for 9 yrs and married for almost 4. He is in the military and is away alot.<P>In may of 98 he was sent to school and was going to be gone for 10 months. I went home to live with my parents because I had a 2yr old and was 6 months pregnant. WE both agreed for financial reason and the like it would be better if i went here. He was not going to be in one place for any long period of time to justify the expence to us for the move. If anyone is in the miliyary thay will understand.<P>he came home for the baby and at thankgiving and christmas and all way well. At christmas i arranged a night at a resort for just the two of us and it was wonderful. I would talk to him everyday and we sent email back and forth.<P>In april of 99 I went to florida for the commishioning of his ship (he is navy). We were there for almost 2wks. It was me our two kids and his mom. We stayed at a really nice resort (his mom & step dad paid) and I thought had a good time. It was a little weird because ALOT was going on and we didnt have that much time alone.<P>I then left florida and went home and he sailed back to our new destination. In the mean time I bought us a brand new car and moved all our stuff to the new local (different state) and got the house all in order. <P>well when he got home on june 1st 99 it was weird, i thought because all the excitement for everything. The kids, the car, new house etc. He told me that night that he didnt know if he felt the same about me and i asked if there was someone else and he said he was talking to someone. He said they had kissed and that was it and I believe him. He didnt have to tell me anything at all but he couldent stand to lie to me.<P>Well we have sence seperated and i moved in with him mom and step dad with our kids. He says he dosent know why he is feeling this way and that he is not aginst a reconcilation in the future.<P>Our sons are now 3 and 15 months and ask for him everyday, and it is killing me. I am not holding up so well and have dome some dumb things but I am getting better.<P>I want for my marriage to work and for us to be back together. I think the love for me is there, but it is just lost and needs to be found. He said he was going to get counceling to find out how he could walk out on us and not have any answers to the MANY MANY questions.<P>I guess what i am asking is, is there hope for us? I love him more than anything and this has made me realize how much i really do love him and my family. I just hope he has the same thought soom!!!!!<P>avance

Welcome <B>avance</B> to the Marriage Builders - Infidelity Forum.<P>First off... <B>yes... there is hope!</B><P>The people here represent both betrayed spouses and betrayers(waywards) alike and the occasional Other Woman/Man/Person (OP/OW/OM).<BR><B>All</B> of us are really here to try and build or rebuild our marriages... and we are trying to use principles and concepts that are espoused by Dr. Willard Harley of Marriage Builders(MB).<P>There is a wealth of information here at this site, starting from the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/" TARGET=_blank>Marriage Builder's Home Page</A>.<P>If you're new to the ideas being presented here at MB start off with <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3000_intro.html" TARGET=_blank>Dr. Harley's Basic Concepts</A><P>Many of us need to start immediately working on our marriages and a <B>sound</B> understanding of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A and Plan B</A> is crucial! I seems that the physical separation may pose some problems, but do consider starting on <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>! I too am a betrayed and working on a long-distance Plan A.<P>You'll see a barrage of "terms" which you might guess the meaning of... but an alternative is to look up what they mean at this site... Words like (click on them to find out):<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3200_love.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Bank</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3550_give.html" TARGET=_blank>Giver and Taker</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3500_policy.html" TARGET=_blank>The Policy of Joint Agreement(POJA)</A>.<P>You'll need to learn more about, not just marriage building... but self building too! The learning isn't going to happen overnight though... look at the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8100_article.html" TARGET=_blank>Articles</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5525_qa.html" TARGET=_blank>Infidelity Q&A</A>.<BR>The real learning is best aided by obtaining some of the books from the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6000_bookstore.html" TARGET=_blank>MB Bookstore</A>... of most important for those who have affairs in progress, or soon to be, is <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>"Surviving An Affair"</A> by Dr. Willard Harley. <B>This is the 'bible' for this forum.</B><BR>Other books can be very useful as well... like <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6020_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>"His Needs, Her Needs"</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6030_love.html" TARGET=_blank>"Love Busters"</A>.<BR>There will be many other good books that the MB people will recommend... take their advice... they've been around.<P>Most of all... you will find <B>compassion</B> and <B>love</B> here. No judging... no demeaning... no malice here!<BR>The people here have all had their lives thrown into a whirlwind of despair, confusion, and sadness.<BR>We've all experience gut wrenching emotions that we though could never exist, in anyone's idea of humanity.<BR>Feelings of hatred, love, disillusionment, envy, rejection, emptiness, <B>deep depression</B>, and on and on...<P>Just the books and facts aren't going to get you through it all... not without <B>support</B>. That's where <B>we</B> come in! <B>We</B> care... because <B>we</B> know how it feels. Believe it... <B>You are <I>not</I> alone</B>! <BR>Come to this forum to vent... to cry... to laugh (a little)... to express your feelings... to advise others... or just to get away!<BR>Your probably going through H*!! right now... don't go it alone... remember... <B>you are <I>not</I> alone</B>! <P>There is never any guarantee to save all marriages... life doesn't work that way, unfortunately.<BR>We can, and do guarantee, to give you help... to build back many vital aspects of your life and sanity. <P>Post... Post... Post... Reply... Reply... Reply... READ! READ! READ!<P>I've been speaking in behalf of some dear friends... as well as some complete strangers too..., when I've used <B>"we"</B>!<BR>But... if you're here... join in with them... they <B>will</B> join in with you. <P>Jim<BR>---------------------------------<BR>Where two or more are gathered...<p>[This message has been edited by NSR (edited December 01, 1999).]

Avance,<P>Welcome. I agree whole heartedly with Jim. There is hope and lots of it. Take everthing he stated as fact. I can't add much to it, just keep coming back here often. Have faith and do your footwork.<P>Bill

Hi, I know how hard this is for you. You feel like crawling into a hole and just staying there, or going after the ow with a two by four. Neither is a good choice for you The first thing I did when my husband told me that he was in love with one of my best freinds was go a buy "Surviving an Affair" by Dr. Harley. In there is says that for the marriage to have a running chance, there must be absolutely no contact. My ow had just moved, but they were planning on keeping in contact online and over the phone. My h did agree to no contact. Ow called when I was gone and h told her. So far I think they have both held up to no contact. Yo not being near h is going to make things more difficult. Time together is a big thing in rebuilding. If your h is serious about rebuilding, move back in with him if at all possible. Take care of yourself! Keep learning. there is a lot of work to do. Sometimes you will get tired along the journey, just keep the finish line in sight.

Welcome. You are in the right place. Yes, you do have reason to hope, no papers have been filed and you said that he is open to working on you. Try to be patient, I know that is hard to do. We are here for you.<P>------------------<BR>To thy own self be true.<BR>*Viki<P>

hi guys,<P>thanks for all the support. I am going to buy that book surviing an affair for both of us asap. the only hard thing is that him and the ow work together and he cant do anything about that for a while. He is in the military so he just cant change jobs or move locations. he knows that for us to have a real chance that he has to get off the ship he is on and that cant happen that i know of for like three years........i dont know what i am going to do......