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#365798 03/02/00 09:24 PM
Joined: Sep 1999
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I just wanted to comment on one of your posts. <BR>"I think that the biggest thing is COMMUNICATION,If you havn't read Giver and Taker,by Dr Farley than I suggest you get it.<BR> <BR>"The times when you don't want to do something is the time that it is the most important to do it!!!"<P>Just my opion but I think that letting your brain do the work (not your heart.)and positive afformations,telling yourself that you love him....want him.....desire him....In the end of the day you will feel that way and you will want to have sex.(at least that worked for me.)"<P>To hear someone else say this is really wonderful. This is something that we all have trouble with. That is, doing what we know will help when our emotions are screaming at us to react and try to get revenge. Even though I know that this is the right thing to do, doing it consistently is really hard. <P>However, I have noticed that when I go out of my way to do whatever it takes to please my wife, I feel more loving to her and I want to do it more. Of course, if I do this long enough, her attitude toward me does also begin to soften. <P>Just an observation. <P>May the Lord Bless You and Keep You.<BR>John<P>P.S. -I just noticed that you had an appt with Steve Harley for today. How did it go?

#365799 03/02/00 10:01 PM
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Hi John,<BR> Thanks for thinking of me I will do a seperate post for the Steve session.<BR> I'm a little confused by the rest though, do you have me confused? I know I am poor at communication as is H, but I didn't complain about the sex, I want it, H doesn't. I know I love him he is not so sure. Can I do the affermations for him do you think? LOL Maybe subliminal messages<BR>Lora

#365800 03/02/00 10:13 PM
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Well if he has really had his love bank filled by the OW, then he is probably feeling really confused by now. Everyone usually remembers things that support their present level of functioning, so this means that in developing a relationship with someone else, he probably was not remembering the good things about you. Now that you are "plan A ing", you have probably awakened memories that he forgot that he had. This creates what the really smart people call cognitive dissonance. He has strong feelings for the other woman, but all of a sudden you start acting in a way that makes him feel good toward you. <P>What I was commenting on was your method of changing your attitudes toward sex by controlling aspects of your behavior and mind set. This is something that I have been unable to get my wife to believe. She thinks that if she is not in the mood for affection, sex, etc, there is nothing that she can do about it. I say that as humans, we have the unique ability to recognize and change our emotions when we need to. The quote from your post illustrates this beautifully. <P>My wife completely refuses to wear anything to bed but old ratty T-shirts and granny panties. I understand that this apparel is more comfortable, but I have suggested that if she would wear some sexy lingerie during the day, it would make a difference in her attitude in the evening. She refuses to try this. <P>I hope that I have clarified my obvious ramblings.<P>May the Lord Bless You and Keep You<BR>John

#365801 03/02/00 10:31 PM
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John,<BR> Have you read the book How One of you Can bring the two of you together? In it she talks about "Act as IF" act as if you are in love or want sex or whatever and it may become the truth. Maybe your wife could read it.<BR>Lora


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