I am in a situation similar to Keridwen. I haven't had contact with my H for 10 days. There is actually no good reason to have to call him since we don't have any children together. I do, however, have a 6 year old daughter from a previous marriage whom he was very close to, but he has not tried to contact her since he has been gone.<P>I am trying to understand how a man who seemed so devoted to me, my daugther, and my marriage 3 months ago, can just change their attitude and leave. <P>I am being told that there is no OW involved. He is just feeling like he can't meet my expectations and is not good enough. He feels trapped I think. <P>If you have read my previous posts, there have been quite a few things that he has done to try to hurt me for some reason. I have never reacted negatively except 10 days ago when I simply told him that since he cancelled our apt. with our pastor, it was obvious to me that he didn't want to work on our marriage so my only option was to let him go if I loved him.<P>Did I do the right thing? Where is his head right now? Is there any hope? Can he hit rock bottom when he is actually not feeling alone since he lives with his sister's family? He says he doesn't miss being married and is enjoying his freedom. <P>I tried Plan A for a month and it seemed to push him away. I also did what Divorce Busting says not to do: crying, begging, pleading, depression, etc. It seems like all of this only made him withdraw further.<P>He has said on occasion that maybe we could get back together in the future sometime (but he says it in terms of a year or longer). He says that MY ACTIONS will determine the outcome of this situation. When I told him I was setting him free he said "so you are giving up after a month huh?". He also is under the impression that by me saying that, nothing has changed. <P>Any suggestions? Should I just keep going with the giving him space/no contact thing? I would especially like input from Guard since he was where my husband is not too long ago.<P>Any suggestions on time frames? When should I try something else if ever?<P>HELP!!!!<P>TB

I don't really know what to tell you to do except keep trying some of the things in Divorce Busting. It actually seems to have improved my situation. I think these guys don't truly understand what divorce means, especially when they are living with someone else. (My H lives with his parents - he's 34 years old for gosh sakes!) I am doing the 180 degree thing in DB. It seems to be working. It's making him THINK. Good luck to you.<P><P>------------------<BR>Blessed be.<BR>****************<BR>Keridwen<P>Keridwen_7@yahoo.com

How long did it take to work? My H is 26 and living with his sister's family! They are constantly babying him and making him feel better! <P>I know that Plan A didn't work at all since it seemed to only push him away and make him think less of me. Since there is no OW, Plan B won't really work. I figured my only hope was the 180/Last Resort Technique. It's hard though because there is really no reason for us to interact that often. He has no way of seeing that I am doing better on my own. <P>I guess I just need patience! I figured that in 10 days he would at least contact me about the taxes, divorce or something. He is a great game player though.<P>Thanks for your reply! <P>

Is it EVER ok to make contact? He owes me $$$!<P>TB

Go ahead and make contact and limit to that subject only. If he tries to expound on it, bring him back on course. You've got to take care of you and your finances. <P>Good luck and stay strong<P><P>------------------<BR>Allen<BR>sparky_dog_mb@yahoo.com

I think I will just e-mail him next week.<P>Thanks for the advice! <P>Everybody have a good weekend. Talk to you Monday!!!!!