Good Morning All,<P>Today seems like it will be better than yesterday. I feel OK except for one thing.<BR>I can't get this unanswered question out of my mind. Why does Robin insist on seeing her affair through to the bitter end? Shes miserable, I know she wants to come "home," I know she is depressed not seeing Abbey everyday, Iknow her dope fiend BOYfriend passes out on her from beeing loaded on pot, pills, and beer. And yet she REFUSES to give up the high cost of low living. It makes absolutly no sence.<P>My FIL has a theory. He believes one of the catalysts that brought on this affair is that our life was going pretty smoothe. Addicts and alcoholics have a huge fear of success. Her life was good and she had to create some turmoil. I think he may have a point.<P>I just want to know why she won't get into the solutions. She has said many things to me and others that she knows we'll work things out, yet she won't let go of OB.<P>I know I'm killing myself with this question. It's hard not to think it.<P>Thanks for letting me ramble.<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

WilliamJ -- This is really hard. Your FIL's theory is very interesting and may be exactly right. She might be looking for thrills and danger to counteract the (to her) humdrum nature of her life. Maybe that is a good starting point for a conversation between you in the future: What can we do to spice up our lives?<P>What she is doing now doesn't make any sense, to you <B>or</B> to her. What this means is that even she probably couldn't answer your question even if she wanted to. I have had trouble following this advice, so I know it's hard, but try to dwell only on how you plan to make things better for you and your family once she is back. Let her know what these things are to make it attractive for her to return. <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Thanks for letting me ramble<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>LOL(sorry) This is <B>NOT</B> rambling and I can make this judgement based on the fact that if you look up "ramble" in the dictionary, there is a picture of me right beside the definition.<P>Keep posting, man. We all want good things for you and W. I'm thinking about you and sending hope and good wishes your way(and also a good "manly" hug).<P>

Bill,<P>A fantasy doesn't have to the a "better world"... just different.<P>I agree with you FIL's theory... and of course "she has to protect that "fantasy".<P>That first step away from the fantasy world is the hardest... harder than finding a new job... harder than re-establihing contact with children... <B>just plain old</B> hard!<P>You know where to turn...<BR>You're just still relatively new into this nightmare...<P>I've come to some deeper realizations...<BR>I needed to, to keep on going...<BR>I need to wait... and let God fill my waiting time!<BR>It's hard for you now...<BR>I hope you don't have to reach my point...<BR>I hope your W snaps out of it soon...<P>Prayers for a fellow brother... suffering <P>Jim

Heartpain,<P>I just read your profile. Are we married to the same woman? You are right about taking care of me. I'm doing it to the best of my ability. Thanks.<P>Jim,<P>So far I've been able to count on you telling me what I need to hear. THANK YOU!!<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Bill,<BR>My stbx is doing the same thing. She has turned 180 degrees.<P>A minister she counseled with briefly and whom I talk with weekly, said she is letting the "bad" girl side of her run her life now. <P>She had always been a "good" girl, was borne again in HS, never partied in college, graduated cum laude, etc. But she was never happy.<P>Now she wants to be sexier, talk provacatively, doesn't give a dam about anybody but herself, jerks me around like crazy, etc. lived with mm, was publicly dumped by him, but is seeing him again.<P>I guess it's a mid life crisis on her part, with the "bad" side taking over.<P>My stbx even told me sometimes you just have to follow things thru. She just seems determined to end our marriage.<P>I wonder now if she is "punishing" herself for what she has done to our family, by staying with om. I can see no reason why she would ever pursue a mm.