<BR>How nice of him! <P>I'm sorry but he is so out of touch with our kids that he usually doesn't bother to call at all. Our 3 yr old broke out with chicken pox yesterday so he's not having a party this weekend. It's postponed for now. I had to tell him this, he didn't even ask how the boys were. <P>I honestly feel there is no more love for him. I can think about him and it doesn't bother me. I've basically done a modified Plan B. I will not contact him but if he happens to call for the kids I will answer.<P>The part about not having a marriage to save is a given. I refuse to be treated like a dog anymore. The thing that irks me is the lack of communication between H and the boys. It seems like they ask about him less and less. And if he doesn't start coming around soon, the 3 yr old will probably just forget him. He won't know him. <P>It's amazing but I'm getting bitter and angry because of this. I think I'm starting to hate him.<P>Mitzi <BR>

Mitzi,<BR>It is so hard when there are kids involved. It breaks my heart when I look at mine. (ages 10-8-5) Each of them are at different stages and going through it in their own ways. I was unable to find your history, so I don't know how long this has been going on for you.<P>It is also hard not to hate them because of the kids. I just kept reading the advice here and basically detached alittle and started taking care of me and the kids. <P>I have gotten closer to mine through this. We have all 4 knelt down in prayer. We have asked for strength and guidance and have prayed for Daddy, who is having a hard time right now. I actually save my anger for afew of my friends, and believe it or not his mom who is in such pain herself over this.<P>Children really suffer for this. But a friend shared this thought with me last evening when I asked how there could be a good purpose in this for the kids. She said "We don't know what God has in store for your children later in life. What they see today, your faith and your strength may be exactly what they need in the future."<P>I hope you have som family support or friends. And I hope you are OK financially. It is tough. Thank goodness for this forum. I will be thinking of you.

Claudia,<BR>Basically my story is this:<BR>I have been married for 10 1/2 years to a very physically abusive man. I found out about his affair on Dec. 23rd. and he left that night. He's been gone since. <P>I would have let him come home until last week when I decided that I liked being alone better. I don't want to be beat anymore is what it boils down to. <P>I have an appointment with a lawyer on Tuesday because he hasn't given me any money for almost 3 weeks and I don't work. He claims to have filed for divorce last Friday but I haven't been served any papers yet. So who knows?<P>Yeah, I have family and friends around for support and my MIL has been one of by biggest support persons. She can't understand why he is acting this way and supports my decision to see a lawyer. <P>I am actually doing good. I am still at peace with my decision. Usually after I talk to him I cry but I didn't this time. I have just had enough.<P>Thanks for the reply and my thoughts and prayers are with you too.<BR>Mitzi

Mitzi,<P>It may not seem so now but getting yourself and your children away from a physical abuser is better in the long run.<P>Don't let them grow up thinking this is what a "man" or father does.<P>You're sounding stronger. Keep going.

In Shock,<BR>I am alot stronger. At least for now. It's been a week since I decided I was done and there haven't been any down days. Now instead of hurting me he pi**es me off.<P>

mitzi,<P>I am sorry for what you and your children have lived through. I'm glad you have support and that you are getting stronger in your decision. <P>I hope and pray that you all heal from this experience. Claudia

Don't let him piss you off. If he's abusive to you it wouldn't take long before he's abusive to the kids if not already. Children do not deserve to live where they are afraid. You are all better off with out him. Just make sure you have a good lawyer so he can get you financial support. Don't forget you got the best out of him. YOUR CHILDREN!!!!<P>Good luck & God Bless

Claudia,<P>Thanks for the prayers and well wishes. <P><BR>Vett,<P>Try explaining that to 3 boys that love their father and miss him. They cry at night because they want to see him more often. They know that he can't move home, I already explained that to them, but he's still their father. <P>He never physically abused them. Never came close to it. But I do understand that what they saw happen between me and him was emotional abuse. Actually he had a good relationship with his kids. He loves them, but because of his childhood, he just doesn't know how to show it. (He was abused by his father). Now instead of abusing his kids, he's neglecting them. <P>He knows he can see them anytime he wants. And when he does see them, it's either here or at a playground. He's only taken them 1 time for an hour. I just want him to get off of his [censored] and spend more time with them.<BR>

<B>Hi Mitzi!</B><P>The thing that helped me the most in relation to how H was with our boys was what my attorney said to me at one point: You have to remember that H's relationship with your children is his relationship with them, it's not something you (the Mom) can do anything about; and your relationship with your children is your relationship - that's the only thing that you can control. It's just that it's so hard to sit by and watch your children hurting.

Claire,<P>Yeah, this is the hardest part. Right now I could care less if I speak to him. I just don't like that the kids are feeling like they were abandoned. <P>I needed to vent. If I didn't do it here, I would explode sometime either to him or someone else, and probably in front of the kids. That's what I don't want to do. <P>Thanks for listening,<BR>Mitzi

<B>Mitzi</B><P>You're much stronger that I am! Seems I can't help the explosions anymore - although in a wierd way H seems to be 'trying' harder again. Probably because he got caught in another lie and really is very worried (for some unknown reason) about me proceeding towards an end to our marriage. Yikes, I don't even really know if I'm staying in the marriage for the comfortable aspect or if it's because I do still love him somewhere down deep (I think it must be <B>really</B> buried right now). Ah, the numbness!!<P>Hang in there! You keep on loving those kids and yourself!

RC,<P>One day it just hit me! I will not beg, I will not cry, I will not be treated like a dog anymore! And if he thinks he's gonna do it, he's got another thing coming. He chose not to live here, and let me find out how things are like without him. Now, he's just gonna have to deal with it. I refuse to argue with him about anything.<P>Give yourself time. You'll know what's best for you when the time is right! <P>Take care,<BR>Mitzi

<B>Yeah Mitzi!!!!</B> <P>Keep those prayers headed my way, and mine are with you and those children of yours that you love so much.

Mitzi,<BR>you know I am wiht you on this one...shoot we even woke up on the same day and WOW that was one day we hadnt talked....we will be ok..you know that just as I do, we have what is most important to us and they are all we need if our H's now friends are another thing...you know how to get a hold of me even when I am not on this thing and I am counting on you using it if you need to...I know I will.<BR>I love you hun and I am so proud of us finaly figureing out we dont need a man to make us feel good about ourselves and will be fine with out them. <BR> love ya <BR>Lesa<P>------------------<BR>"It took me quite a while to realize that <B>the real deal</B> is to be able to be enough of a person your own to know when somebody loves you and cares about you"<BR>----Stevie Ray Vaughan<P>"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and<BR> lean not unto thine own understanding." -Proverbs 3:5<BR>Take care and God Bless.<P> lms20ish@jobe.net

Claire,<P>You know the prayers are there. You don't even have to ask!<P>Lesa,<P>Just think 2 weeks ago, we would have sworn that we would never be able to let go! I am so amazed at the strength we have found. SOmetimes I think it's God letting us heal. <P>Just think 3 more days and I'll be posting about my visit to the lawyer. Boy is Bob in for a rude awakening!! I still haven't gotten served yet. He said he filed last Friday. Who knows? <P>Yes! We will be ok!! We have our kids and that's what matters. <P>You know how to get ahold of me. Use it if you need to on the down days that I'm sure we'll still have!!<P>Love ya,<BR>Mitzi

I really hate that children get hurt by all of this. The wayward spouse becomes so selfish that they don't give a damn about anyone else except their own needs.<P>I just can't understand how such a loving parent could turn into the opposite. Why are they so blind to what they do?<P>All we can do is love, cherish and protect our children as best as we can.

NoTrust,<BR>It really doesn't make any sense does it? I can't imagine going for weeks at a time without seeing my kids. They're doing pretty good in spite of all of this though.<P>I'm getting to the point where I just want to tell him to stay away unless he's going to have regular visitations with them. Plus since he won't give me any money now. I feel like telling him he can't see or talk to them unless he pays up! But if I do that, when we do go to court, it'll make me look almost as bad as him. I don't want to be seen as the bad guy. <P>Take care,<BR>Mitzi

Mitzi,<P>I do pray for you... and your chidren!<P>Your situation is just awful.<P>Please tell me you have a [b]good[b] attorney!<P>My prayers... for greater strength in the days to come... they will be hard... <P>Jim

Jim,<BR>Thanks for the prayers!<P>Yeah, I think I have a great attorney. I have my first meeting with him Tuesday. My aunt used him in her divorce and to collect back child support and he succeeded in getting her $45,000 that was owed to her. He is based in a different county than I live, and as he puts it, he doesn't owe the judges and lawyers in this county anything. He does everything by the book and doesn't have informal lunch meetings with the other attorney. He's a shark! <P>I'm going to keep everyone posted as to how things go!<P>Mitzi