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I think my H's OW was betrayed by her ex, who has since re-married after their divorce 3 years ago, though I don't know whether he married his OW. One of the many things I could not comprehend was how a woman, especially a woman with kids, could do this to another family when she knew how much pain it caused.<P>Yet it seems to happen over and over, even on this board, and I find that terrifying. How much more common must it be among those who don't value marriage. <P>Sometimes I wonder if almost all OW's have been betrayed previously. If you don't count the young ones who go after older rich men, I wouldn't be surprised if most of them had.
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I know exactly what you mean. My H's OW's H (did you get that?) cheated on her. They supposedly have filed for divorse. But I don't understand how she can inflict this pain on anyone else, especially knowing what it feels like. Two wrongs don't make a right.
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My daughter once accidently misquoted the golden rule as "do unto others as they have done unto you" - maybe it is the same sort of things as bullying - many bullies have be the object of bullying.
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Nellie--<P>Thought provoking post. Yes, I think it happens more often than not. Depressing, isn't it. <P>My first marriage....my misery produced my betrayer status, then my H had an affair.<P>H's first marriage...she betrayed, then he followed suit.<P>If we'd had the valuable information found on this site, H and I may not be together now! Weird thought, actually. ANYway...we're using many of the principles to ensure we don't make the same mistakes again!
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Yes, interesting thread. <P>Although my H's betrayal was 12 years before mine... I never can be sure if it begat my affair or not. Did it cross my mind at any time during the three month affair? Yes, it did, sorry to say. Not for revenge, but I guess I thought "oh, this is how he felt" or "now he'll know how I felt all those years ago"... no, it wasn't the "reason" for the affair, but it did cross my mind. <P>And it is scary. <P>------------------<BR>The good life is a process, not a state of being. It is a direction, not a destination.<BR>-Carl Rogers<BR>
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three things:<BR>my H for a long time exclusively blamed his affair on the his belief that i had an affair with his "friend". so in his mind, an "affair" did beget an affair. <BR>after discovery,H moved out for 2 weeks against my will, and i had an intense cyber-fling. so, in my mind, his affair begot mine.<BR>when OW came to my house at first discovery, she seemed to be PROUD of the fact that she betrayed her wayward H. so, in her mind, his affair begot hers.<BR>it's like, once the "barriers" of the marriage are damaged by the first affair, the torrents of marital passion are released on the world at large...both partners can let down their vows once they've been broken.<BR>sad.<P>------------------<BR> <A HREF="http://www.alladvantage.com<BR>ID#" TARGET=_blank>www.alladvantage.com<BR>ID#</A> atp-113<P>
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love was blind,<BR>I can understand the motivation behind revenge affairs, but what I can not understand is why the revenger would exact revenge against another innocent spouse.<BR>new beginning,<BR>I doubt it is often done at a conscious level, but I think often subconsciously that is one of the reasons for an affair.<BR>lucks,<BR>Yes, it is terribly depressing. And it doesn't seem to be any easier on the betrayed spouse if they betrayed before, from what I have read.
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Nellie, I always like to read your posts because your situation and mine are so horribly similar. And Yes, yes, yes, there is definitely a betrayed becomes betrayer syndrome!! My husband's OW was left when she was six months pregnant by her own husband eight years ago. She has never gotten over this and was (understandably) deeply wounded, hurt and rejected: Thus, even though she knows in her heart that what she is doing to me and my kids is wrong, she feels justified in that she is somehow "evening out the score." She now gets to be the other woman, the one with the power. It's really sick but that's the way I think it is in many cases.
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MovingOn,<BR>I don't think I will ever be able to understand why, but it seems to happen over and over. It would be an interesting survey - I wouldn't be surprised if the vast majority of adult OW's (as opposed to the ones who are young enough to be the H's child) were betrayed by their H/boyfriend and are exacting revenge on families - which have no right to be intact if theirs is destroyed?
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