So now he says that he won't accuse me of seeing anyone. So let's move on to another problem: Financial support. H won't put his fair share of income to support the household. We had made a deal before we married that he would give me his income and that I would handle all ourexpenses. It's been 8 months and 16 paychecks and he hasn't put anything into the basket. He moved intomy home and now I am supporting him. He keeps saying next paycheck. How do I get H to help out?

Time for honesty...<P>Lay out the bills in front of him...<BR>Have him start paying his fair share!<BR>Honesy... it's where it's at!<P>Jim<P><p>[This message has been edited by NSR (edited March 04, 2000).]

What is he doing with his paychecks?<P>Pick a time when you CAN do this (stress/emotion level), and he seems to be in a decent mood, and ask for a talk about finances. I like Jim's suggestion: literally fan the bills out on the table in front of him. Speaking pleasantly say something like, "So here's OUR monthly bills. I love you, honey, but I will not continue to support us both alone. That wasn't the deal. What do you suggest we do about this?" Stay calm. If he offers excuses (which your past experience indicates he probably will), say, "I understand you want to do that, but I don't agree with the 'how.' These bills won't wait and they're both our responsibility. I expect you to start contributing. Maybe we can set aside some money for that (whatever 'that' may be), but in the meantime, I need your help."<P>Worth a try. I feel for ya. We've been round and round about finance issues before too. It's taken us a couple of YEARS to finally, tentatively agree--I pay the bills. H hands over most of his earnings and keeps a continuous supply of pocket money. Let's hope we keep agreeing, or are at least able to keep negotiating. Not our forte.

Since we have discussed the money problem several times and he says that he will help on the next paycheck. I have asked him time and time again to tell me where his money goes to, but he doesn't know. This weekend I just took the bills that I felt that he should pay and gave them to him and requested a paid receipt before the due date. I guess that I'll just wait for the receipt or the light to get cut off.<BR>

Well, I did what both NSR & Lucks suggested and of course it didn't work. I gave him the bills that needed paying and he did pay two totaling to $21.00. And get this he didn't tell me that he didn't pay the utilities and now they are way past due. Here I am trying to support this man and not having enough money to get a hair cut and he is running around the malls shopping. He still hasn't paid for his share of the wedding and rings. I know now that this marriage was a huge mistake and I still want out. I asked him to move out of my home and he still hasn't. <BR>I GIVE UP!!!!

<BR>EOMR,<P>I think couples fight about three things, generally: money, sex, and housework.<P>The money one is tough. IMO, money means one of two things to people, consumption or security. It really helps to be on the same page as your spouse. He seems to not want to hand over his paycheck as a control tactic, and this can't continue. Not only is he reneging on your agreement, he's unfairly putting your credit rating at risk (and living off of your labor).<P>You'll have to continue to approach the problem, but try to do so gently. I know what he's doing has angered you, but getting in his face about it will likely make him want to avoid discussing the issue. You're in the right here, but try and treat him respectfully, despite his disrespect of you to this point. <P>Bystander

I hear what you are saying, I have been very patient for 9 months. My credit has been wrecked due to his lack of support.<P>I have offered to turn over my paycheck so that he can pay the bills, but hes says that he doesn't know how to hanlde money. he doesn't even have a checking account. I make 50% more money then he does. I simply can't support him anymore. Now he is back on the track that I have to be seeing someone else. He does this every week just before he gets paid.<P><BR>