<BR>Ok, I LB'd pretty bad but I'm not trying to save anything so it really doesn't matter!<P>H called here to talk to the boys. The 2 older ones weren't here and the youngest is asleep. He asked me what I was going to do about getting the taxes done. And here was my answer:<BR>"I'll get the taxes done when I have the money you owe me in my hands." I said it calmly and in a quiet but assertive voice. He said that he wanted to make sure that I was paying the bills (I've ALWAYS taken care of the finances.) If I wasn't paying the bills, I wouldn't have any electric or phone, would I? <P>I told him that I had been trying to take care of his kids on nothing for 3 weeks and he would either give me the money by tomorrow or the taxes will wait until the last minute to be filed. (He wants me to give him all the paperwork so OW can do them! NO WAY!). <P>Then I told him I was getting off the phone and that I wouldn't argue about it anymore. He knows where I stand on this. And I hung up! Now I'm online and so the phone will be busy!! He can't call back!<P>I always let him have his way, but not anymore! <P>Venting done for now!<BR>Mitzi

(((((((((((MITZI)))))))))))))<P>YOU GO GIRL !!!!!!<P><BR>: )<P><BR>Dylan

Yes Mitzi...<P>Plan B...<BR>Protect all of you and your family... <P>I'm ligting my candle... <BR>...right now.<P>My first prayers tonight are for you!<P> <P>Jim

I'm so proud of you Mitzi.<P>Imagine....the gall in him saying that OW will work on your taxes! Sheesh!<P>Stay strong!

Dylan,<P>Thanks for the hugs! While you're at it you can do a happy dance with me!!<P>Jim,<BR>Thanks for the prayers. To be honest, Plan B is so much easier than Plan A. At least for me. Maybe it's because there is nothing to save. I've just had enough.<P>I know this is Marriage Builders and I feel kinda bad about staying here when I'm not building. But I guess this can also be called Self-Builders. I have grown so much in so little time. I owe it all to the support I have here!<P>NoTrust,<BR>Can you imagine giving your taxes to a girlfriend to do? Not hardly!!!!<BR>Right now, in his state of mind, I don't really trust him or his OW. Plus she has no reason to have access to my personal info. And she won't!<P>Thanks,<BR>Mitzi<P>p.s. and my prayers are with you all tonight!

Alright Mitzi,<P>Everyone told me that I would get killed in this Divorce if I was nice. Thought, yea right....welllllllll!!!!!!!!! You can't be nice if you are protecting yourself and the children...he will take advantage of you. Just look at me...I am living proof. I am so glad you stood up for yourself. Good for you.<P>You Go Girl<BR>Hugs<BR>Nancy

Nancy,<BR>I tried being nice for 2 months. I basically let him call the shots, but he did nothing. But then he started being angry with me everytime I talked to him. I can't let him push me around. He's the one who walked out, not me. If he hadn't had the affair and been caught, he would probably still be living here and I would still have that nightmare life. <P>He can just get mad all he wants but this is something I am standing firmly on. <P>Take care, Nancy!<BR>Mitzi

Just posted on your other thread. I agree. I was "nice" for a year. In my case what I learned was that it was being taken for granted. She didn't plan on coming back and relied on me to soothe her guilt for where she was. I wa perfect. All of our spouses are different shades of gray, mine was especially "dark" . Take my comments with a grain of salt...<P>Eric

Eric,<P>I respect every comment and piece of advice I get here. <P>My H is very "dark". (moody, angry, irresponsible, you name it). One day I feel that he will want to come back, but I will honestly be able to look him in the eyes and say "NO!" I'm very determined not to get back in to that relationship. It was just too difficult!<P>Mitzi

Mitzi,<P>Good for you! Take control as much as you can, thats what i do. I just state my answer and then if its turning to argument, I say, thank you have a nice day good bye. And I hang up. I refuse with H anymore. He has been pressing my buttons less and less too.<P>I will email you privately later this week, in middle of lot with divorce right now! Dana<BR>

Dana,<P>I also refuse to argue anymore. It's just not worth it. I used to argue with him and end up giving in. He always had the control. No more. <P>Let me know what all goes on with you this week!<P>Prayers,<BR>Mitzi

Mitzi,<BR>I have to agree with Dana. She is so right. I had to learn to just say bye...and hang up...when he started his crap. Don't listen to his crap...it just gets you down.<P>Good luck<BR>Nancy<P>P>S> They are the ones who should be nice....be regreting...hurting. Not us!

That's pretty much the way I felt/feel. She rejected me too many times and decided I wasn't going to just hang on.<P>Now whenever I have something on my mind I just tell her and don't sugar coat it. It's too late to worry about LBs now.<P>Bob<P>------------------<BR>"You can't always get what you want! But if you try real hard,you might just find, you get what you need!"<BR>Mick Jagger

Nancy,<P>I used to think his anger at me was somehow connected to his guilt. Now I'm not so sure. He's always been an angry person, always had that chip on his shoulder. Last night when I spoke to him and actually took up some for myself, he actually acted less angry. Maybe I shocked him! <P>I have to move on with my life. Each day that it's closer to my lawyers appointment, I start to doubt what I'm doing, but I have to go thru with it. For my kids if nothing else.<P>Prayers,<BR>Mitzi

Bob,<BR>In my case, it's also way too late to worry about LB's. I don't yell or say things just to make him mad. I only say what I have to. And only facts, not feelings either. I think he doesn't like that he's losing control over me.<P>Take care,<BR>Mitzi

Your right Mitzi...it is all about control. I agree about the LB's. You just can't care about those anymore...not when they don't seem to. I am like you...no major LB's, just standing up for myself after a long hiatus.<P>Good Luck<BR>Keep me posted, I have followed your story since the beginning. I feel very close to your situation<BR>Nancy

Nancy,<P>Well, I talked to him again. He still isn't giving me the money. So, I guess it's gonna be up to a lawyer to get it for me. I'm going to post another topic because I have a question I need some input on.<P>Take care,<BR>Mitzi

<B><I>RAAAAA RAAAAAA RAAAAAA....<BR>SHISH BOOM BAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!......</I><BR>G MITZI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!</B><P>I always wanted to be a cheerleader [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/wink.gif[/img]!<P>I know what you are saying about the change when you stop letting him push your buttons. Except it seemed to make my Xh very angry that he couldn't control me. Now that the D is final, he's being nice to me again [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/confused.gif[/img].<P>I'm glad you are standing up for yourself. <P>Love, Thoughts & Prayers,<BR>Butterfly<P>------------------<BR>There are deep sorrows and killing cares in life, but the encouragement and love of friends were given us to make all difficulties bearable. <BR>-- John Oliver Holmes<P>The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.<BR>-- Elie Wiesel<P><BR><p>[This message has been edited by Butterfly (edited March 06, 2000).]

Butterfly,<P>I'll be waiting for the cheers tomorrow after I talk to my lawyer also!!!!<P>Thanks,<BR>Mitzi

Ok, I'll be watching.....<P><I><B>Mitzi, Mitzi she's the one!<BR>Standing up and getting it done!</I></B><P> <P>Good luck with the lawyer. <P>Thougths & Prayers,<BR>Butterfly<P>------------------<BR>There are deep sorrows and killing cares in life, but the encouragement and love of friends were given us to make all difficulties bearable. <BR>-- John Oliver Holmes<P>The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.<BR>-- Elie Wiesel<P><BR><p>[This message has been edited by Butterfly (edited March 07, 2000).]