So I posted this morning that I got caught checking his cell phone. Bummer. I kinda had a bad day so read the post I got caught from today to get filled in. I went to coffee with some friends and we had a family b-day party to go to. I got home started changing and when I asked him if he was ready to go he said he wasn't going. I blew. He waited until we were to walk out the door...I was so upset although I got in the car to go, I couldn't. I went upstairs and went off on him about how he was now punishing me for looking at his cell phone...he then said he just didn't want to argue or do "this" anymore. As I learned after asking many questions "this" is be married to me. He wants a divorce and packed some of his stuff and left. He said he would call tonight...but it's late and no word from him...I paid the bills tonight paid off all of our debt. You know I thought I would be more upset than I am. Maybe it will come later. Him saying he wanted a divorce is the first real descision he has made since this started a month ago. In retrospect I guess in his male way he was trying but it just isn't enough. I need him to tell me he loves me, send me e-mails during the day, be cute, hold my hand...he did start opening the car door for me again...kisses for no reason. Snuggling in bed...all the things that he used to enjoy doing with me and did with me until I learned about the OW. I really believe that he got in over his head with her and my reaction to learning about her put him over the edge. He, in my opinion, didn't realize that this relationship (EA) with her was going the wrong way, she was feeding his ego, which he has a large one and apparently with all of my work and travel these past months I didn't feed it enough. So she did. I think we he realized she felt more for him, women have a tendency to be attracted to men who open up to them and talk to them etc, and it feeds our need for conversation and to be needed he was in over his head. And then I found out and my reaction wasn't accepting of his relationship with her. So he started running. And for the past 2 weeks it has been hard he has had good and bad days as have I. But today he decided he would rather be alone than live like this...he isn't willing to work any harder to fight for me. I am very insecure and while I know the books say deposit into his love bank. Well mine is pretty damn low and needed him to start filling...I am not a saint. So the question is...do I wait for him to file or do I just do it?
