Well, she's still at home, but it's getting close. Last night we were in the garage having a smoke and she apologized to me saying that she had planned to be moved out this weekend. When I asked why she hadn't she said she didn't know, but it was probably because she had to work this past weekend. Well, she did work, an hour on Saturday and about three hours on Sunday. I mentioned that she had had plenty of time on Saturday and she said she just wasn't sure why she didn't.<P>Over the past couple of weeks, I have been doing some soul-searching, trying to figure out why I'm hanging on here. Sure, I love her, that much is true, but Saturday will be 11 months since D-day. There really hasn't been much in the way of any significant progress thru the whole time. <P>One strong possibility that has occurred to me about why I've hung on is that I think I'm afraid of being alone. I've been married twice, only single for about a year during the last 25 years. I am a person who really wants a partner to share life with. I don't have that now and haven't for 11 months, but I kept the hope alive.<P>That's why I agreed to a lot of what I see now as "stupid" things with W. Like, when she does move, she isn't going to forward her mail, she will store some of her stuff in the house, etc...None of this helps me at all. In fact, it will be a detriment to me getting on with my life.<P>I tried to suggest that it would be better, for example, if she did forward her mail. I'm going to have to travel on business and I would be more comfortable having mail delivery stopped until I return. But that would mean she might not see any important mail until I got back. I tried to suggest that to her last night and got the treatment that I was some kind of uncaring, evil person. That I was treating her badly somehow. I am so tired of being the "devil" here. I haven't been perfect, but this is ridiculous.<P>I have more I want to say, but I'm just too tired of all of this right now to even type much about it....Today is one of those days(that are occurring more and more often) where I feel it's time to move on.<P>Thanks for listening,<BR>--DeWayne--

{{{{{{{{{{{{{DeWayne}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>No new advice, dear friend. You already know how I feel. But we do love you.<P>Lori

((((((DeWayne))))))<P>You're not in this boat alone. Haven't felt this bad in 2 weeks. <P>Take care,<BR>Mitzi

<B>Lori and Mitzi</B> -- There isn't much to be said at this point...Just thanks for listening...<P>--DeWayne--

I feel like I know what you are going through. My H is not more determined than ever for our divorce to go through. I have cried most of the night.<P>I too think that my biggest problem is I like being married. I like having a partner, someone for security. I like the knowledge that I belong to someone.<P>What I am going to have to do is let go. I hate the words LET GO. I know that is what I have to do. This sounds weird but letting go is the best way I have of getting him back at this time.<P>I know that I will miss him, and his voice, his kisses ect. I am scared to be by myself, Ihave been married for 19 years. I thought it would last forever. I really wanted to celebrate 25 years with this man.<P>He wants his freedom. He wants to find out who he is. The O/W has dumped him, because they work together and other things. He says it is him not me. That he has to work through all this stuff. He wants to be alone and do it though.<P>He did tell me that we make great friends and that he still wants to date me. That he will be there to help raise the kids ect.<P>So today I am trying to turn him and my marriage over to God and let him take care of it. I cannot take the pain anymore. I am going to cry (my eyes are almost swollen shut now) but I am going to try to let go and see if he will come back to me in time.<P>I do not know if this has helped you. I did not intend to vent on your thread.<P>Hang in there.

Hi there Heartpain!!<P>I read the thread title and thought: <P>"Hmmmm....DeWayne has found a way of stress reduction through a Monday bodily waste management program!!" LOL!!!<P>(sorry, having a "sick" day so far...in the head, that is!!!) <P>You don't reeeaaaalllly want to hear my opinion of your situation.....do you? Nah, didn't think so!!! (wink-wink!!)<P>I won't say anything......only.....well, it just seems to me that she is holding back from acting on this "decision" so much that she is waiting for something from you (there goes that "we are supposed to read minds" concept again!) and she can't communicate what it is!!<P>They make no sense.......that's what fantasy and confusion do, I have discovered!!!<P>Gotta tell you though, I cringe when you write -I love her BUT ....(add length of time in limbo)..... not measured that way to me. Sickness lasts until the healing occurs....<P>But of course, I am not gonna say anything....just stopped to say HI and to ask why Hercules was allowed to retire without my getting on(top of - whoops!!) him? Very bad MR SCREENWRITER!!!!!! LOL!!!<P>BIG HUGS and Luv Ya!!!<P>Sheba

<B>Hi, there, Sheba</B> - You know, I would like your opinion, even though it's probably the same as always. I'm never offended. But, I'm sure glad you're back.<P>There actually <B>is</B> something going on in her head. She told me a couple of weeks ago, that the biggest problem she had with leaving was that I considered it "permanent". And, I did if she didn't have a talk with OM to tell him to cool his heels. Well, she did have that talk(I don't know what was said). She told me that she was going crazy and that she had to get out of this "circle". A circle, mind you, that she created. At the same time she talked to him, she told me she needed and was "withdrawing" from me.<P>Anyway, we talked last week and agreed that neither of us would pursue the divorce necessarily, when she moved(I am currently re-thinking that for myself). So that was one problem down. Last night, she said she is still having problems making the move, but doesn't know why.<P><BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I cringe when you write -I love her BUT ....(add length of time in limbo)..... not measured that way to me..Sickness lasts until the healing occurs.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> You are absolutely right, but the healing doesn't occur until you take the curative medicine. Not all sicknesses go away just because you suffer long enough.<P>Hey, our failure on Kevin Sorbo was due to scheduling conflicts. We are in discussions with him to get him on your show reprising his Hercules role for two or three episodes.<P>Big hugs right back at 'ya, luv ya, too and you don't know how happy I am that you are back...<P>

<B>my3kids</B> - I'm so sorry for you. You're situation is actually worse than mine. W doesn't want to pursue the divorce, but she cannot give me anything to hold onto. She expects to receive trust that wasn't earned and more patience from me to await an outcome that probably won't be worth the wait.<P>I'm pretty sure I'm done crying, the sorrow replaced by fatigue and resignation.<P>I wish you all the best and be sure to write me if it helps. You will get thru this!!!!<P>Hugs...<P>--DeWayne--

DeWayne<P>My thoughts and prayers are with you. I am sorry you are in such a down place right now. <P>{{{{{{{{{{{{DeWayne}}}}}}}}}}}}

Hi DeWayne,<P>Fear of being alone is a very legitimate fear. I would bet that most of us on this board (me included) have the same fear to varying degrees. So, what you are feeling is perfectly normal. There could be another reason why you are hanging on. Could it be that you are trying everything possible & exhausting all avenues before making a final decision so that you are left with no regrets???<P>It sounds to me like your wife is the one who is not letting go. She is still conflicted. That's why she's not rushing to move out, forwarding her mail, & leaving some stuff. She wants an excuse to still have contact with you.<P>Just play it cool. As far as the mail goes, do whatever you would have done anyway. If you think it wise to have the mail stopped temporarily, then do so. You're not responsible for her mail. Don't "try to suggest" anything to her. Just casually mention (as a courtesy) that you're stopping the mail while you're out of town, etc.<P>Hang in there, DeWayne. It WILL get better. I promise.

<B>Nicole</B> - Thanks. I've been down for a while, but you know, not really, really down. It's just that reality is setting in...<P>Hugs and best wishes to you....<P><B>Sidney</B> - You are more right(about me) than you realized. You have hit the nail on the head with each of your points. Except that the reason for leaving the stuff and not forwarding mail is(ostensibly) because she won't be in the apartment long before buying a house...<P>Luv ya, Sidney...<P>--DeWayne--

DeWayne,<P>Sorry to hear you are down!<P>My opinion is that you have to set boundries. If she is leaving you to find herself, she needs to take her mail with her and not drift in and out of your life. This will be extremely tough on you.<P>I went through this with my then w when she left and would come back for the kids. She would just kind of hang around and it would kill me. <P>You may also want to discuss canceling the credit cards. Explain to her that if you do end up getting divorced, the two of you shouldn't be responsible for each others debts.<P>This may be what is needed to shock her into reality. She may be trying to let you down easily which is a form of torture.<P>As for being lonely, I feel the same way. I get so lonely when the kids go to her place, that I just can't figure out what to do.<P>I do have friends, but most are married family men and the other are married but like to hang out in bars. While I've been seen in a bar or two, this is not what I want to do with the rest of my life.<P>You jut have to through yourself out there, take a class(I'm taking a computer class starting tommorrow), get involved in something you like. You will make new friends and you will feel better about yourself. This can be a positive in or out of your marriage.<P>Bob<P>------------------<BR>"You can't always get what you want! But if you try real hard,you might just find, you get what you need!"<BR>Mick Jagger

<B>Bob</B> -- Good to hear from ya...You are doing well, considering. Like I said to Nicole, I'm not really deep down, just that nagging "things aren't the way they should be" feeling.<P>Actually, we do have a proposed separation agreement already on the table. She wanted a couple of minor changes and I want time limits on how long she can keep her stuff here until it's mine and a time limit on settling the house. So things do have their limits.<P>We only have two joint credit cards and she is an authorized user of one of mine. There really isn't any risk that she will use them. She hasn't for 11 years except for check-writing ID.<P>Sorry your down when the kids are away. I guess that not having kids has been a double-downer here. W doesn't have children that help tie her to the marriage and I don't have kids for even part-time visits. Oh well, that's life.<P>Keep on carryin' on, Bob and take care my friend...<P>--DeWayne--

Dewayne,<P>Sorry you have the Monday blues. I don't think she wants to let go. And your feeling about being afraid of being alone. Well, I know exactly where you are coming from. In fact sometimes I wonder if that is why I am even trying. <P>Don't have much to add just want you to give you some support like you have me. A big hug{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{DEWAYNE}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>By the way I am moved but not moved in. Still have two room full of boxes to unpack(wall to wall boxes) But of course the computer had to be the first thing unpacked and running.<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

Hi D,<P>Only a brief post for now...I'll come back tomorrow morning. Just wanted to add my support and best wishes. <P>Nope. You'll never be totally alone. No worries about that. You've got too much compassion, empathy, and interest in others. You'll always have the capacity to find friends. Consider the posts on this thread.<P>Best of it, my friend.<P>Dmac<P>------------------<BR>I'm just a pilgrim on this road, boy. 'Til I see thee... fare-thee-well. Steve Earle

It sucks!!<P>I'm sorry, my dear friend!<P>Big ol' platonic hugs, Sheryl