Quick update:<P>H came over for weekend visit and we talked. He said a lot of things that I didn't really want to hear when we had a talk but I didn't really expect anything contrary. <P>Basically he says that he loves me and always will but that we are missing what is necessary to make our marriage work and he's not sure if we ever had it. It's hard for me to exlpain it like he did, but I kind of understand what he means. I think he was talking about understanding for the most part. He says that he wish things were different and and he has prayed for God to lead him in making the right choices. He said that I never gave him what him the space that he needed immediately after his discovery of one night stand. True. But he has all the space he could have in the last year. But he says yes that is true, but it is like trying to water a dead plant back to life. My reply to that was,' the root is not dead though.' He looked at me and smiled, but said nothing. <P>I know this sound crazy, but when I look at my H, I can see in his eyes that he loves me. We haven't really argued much at all lately. We've actually just been enjoying one anothers company on the weekends when he comes down to see our daughter. We call one another every now and then about finances or arrangements made and seem to end up laughing and joking like friends. Trust me the pain is not gone, but I'm trying to accept that life is not a bed of roses. Well hell, maybe it is and it's those damn thorns that a pricking at my heart,lol <P>Anyways, you guys....I know I haven't been around much, but I'm trying to prepare myself for April. As you know he can file for the divoce then. I don't expect for him to change his mind because as he puts it, It will take a divine intervention from God. But you know, I believe in miracles!! I'm preparing myself to be without my beloved. I respect him for giving it a shot. Maybe he didn't handle it in the best manner as he could have but he gave it an effort in his own way. <P>I don't think that hope is gone. However, I accepted the fact that he has made this decision and I must respect it. I don't know what its going to take for him to see that "we can make it through this together." But if he's praying like he says he is and allowing God to order his steps, then I just have to trust God that we will find our way back to one another. One day! I'm not going to just sit around a wait however. So as for me, I'm content with the way things are at this point. I am still married. I am not looking for anyone new or anything of the sort. My love for my H is very much still alive, but I'm letting him go to find his way back home. And if he doesn't, I will continue to live. I refuse to allow anything to steal my joy anymore. God has been good to me. My H is a good person and so am I. <P>He says that he has no regrets and neither do I. We started our relationship as best friends, and I won't let that die. Maybe we won't be best friends, but friends, yes. <P>Many are the plans of a mans heart but it is the Lord's that will prevail. I believe that.<P>Well maybe this wasn't such a quick update,LOL. <P>I am still lurking and replying here and there. All of you here are in my prayers!<P>------------------<BR>"If you can learn from the mistakes of others, you won't have to make them youself."<P>lady_divine77@yahoo.com

jamie-lee:<BR> Glad to hear from you, and to hear you sound so strong and togther!!!<P>You and your daughter remain in my prayers.<P>Kathi

<BR>jamie-lee,<P>I'm still entertaining the idea that you destroyed some *expectation* that your husband held about marriage. To me, and I realize I'm basing this solely on what you tell us here - you wouldn't fib, wouldja? - is that your husband still loves you.<P>I just don't know if he can reconcile his violated expectation about marriage with what you did. I also wonder if he wants a payback one night stand, to even the score. One way of accomplishing both of these objectives would be to actually follow through with the divorce, go out and scr*w some woman, and then ask you to remarry. That way he's equated the sexual partner thing, and the marriage is now "fresh" in his eyes.<P>This is one of those cases where even if its "over," I'm not so sure its gonna be over.<P>Bystander

Kathi,<P>Thanks so much for the prayers. I need them. Yes, I am feeling much stronger. The pain is there, but I feel as though I have more control. <P>Bystander,<P>First let me say no, I have not fibbed about anything. In fact, I agree that I may of destroyed his expectations. I wasn't able to understand this nor accept his decision as far as divorce for awhile. I am just coming into grips that there is nothing that I can do that I haven't done already. I tried and that's all I can do. The rest is up to him. <P>I do believe he gave it a try. I just don't think that he gave it all he had. The way he treated me after the fact was unacceptable. For awhile I took it, thinking that I deserved it. But no longer do I feel that way. I told him that for a long time I thought that I wasn't good enough for him, but I know now that I am still a damn good woman and wished he could see it. He says that he knows that I'm a good woman, but there's a time when you must face the 'sad truth'. And just let go that which you love. <P>I cannot change what he is feeling you know. He has to deal with that with God and himself. I don't believe that he wants to repay me. He is much better than that. He told me that he never wanted to see me hurt the way I have been and wish to remain friends. I want to remain friends too. Mainly for the simple fact that I do believe he loves me still, but really don't know how to deal with the feelings he has. <P>If he does file the divorce next month and happens to move on. He said himself that he probably wouldn't date for a long time. Ofcourse I don't know what would happen. I'm just thankful for the chance to have loved him and him me. I know he still does and if its meant to be, we'll make it, even if it is after divorce. <P>I'm just facing the reality of today. <P>------------------<BR>"If you can learn from the mistakes of others, you won't have to make them youself."<P>lady_divine77@yahoo.com

I have a new look. I got my hair and my nails done today and I'm feeling pretty dam good about myself. H called twice this week and said he'll be here for the weekend. I have to work but I can't wait til he sees the new me. I use to get my hair done in a variety of styles and he loved that about me. It's been a long time since I thought about me. woooooo I feel good you guys. I can't believe it! I'm doing good all by myself. God is good. <P>Just my praise report!

Jamie-lee, I wrote you a note on gooey <P>I can't believe he is "looking to God" and at the same time not trying. God is pretty clear about His will, he hates divorce.<P>I am glad to hear you are letting go and feeling good, first for you, but oddly enough he will also find it very attractive.<P>Has he read SAA? He may not understand, as most of us didn't, that it really can be worked out. I think that is the best thing I got from Harley - HOPE. There is almost no true "incompatibility" since we can all learn to do better.

You GO GIRL!!! I bet you look great. Enjoy it for you, and don't worry about whether he likes it or not.<BR>

Hi Jamie-Lee,<P>It's been awhile since I have posted to you. One month to go til April. Hang in there girl! I hope things change for the better.<P>I was thinking back about a chat we had sometime in January....I'm wondering if your H isn't coming back to the marriage because he has enjoyed acting like he is a single guy (hanging out with his friends, having freedom to do whatever he pleases, and not accepting responsibility for his family).<P>In my opinion, I feel that he is using your one-night-stand as an excuse for not coming back to the marriage....so that he doesn't have to honestly admit the reason why.<P>It seems that he is placing the blame on you, for the short-comings of the marriage, so that he doesn't have to accept any blame for it.<P>He may be using your one-nighter as an excuse.<P>Do you understand what I am getting at?<P>I hope I am not saying anything hurtful here. I'm just observing this from the outside.<P>You have put everything that you possibly can into reconciling with him. I hope that he wakes up soon and realizes what a wonderful & beautiful woman he will give up.<P>Keep doing what you are doing. Take care of yourself and your daughter. Do things that make you feel good.<P>Whatever happens, you will be okay. Hugs & prayers to you....

schizzo,<BR>Yeah, I thought God's will was pretty clear too I have ordered SAA. I'm gonna read it no matter what happens. I'm sure there's a lot I can learn from it. H said that he would read it, if I thought that it had good information. I have no expectations of him changing his mind however at this point. Kind of just taking it day by day and praying for God's will.<P>Kathi,<BR>You are a godsent. I really appreciate you always checking up on my posts!<P>NoTrust,<BR>It has been awhile, but its always a pleasure to hear from you. Yes I understand exactly what you're getting at. And no you didn't hurt my feeling. I'm not easily offended and I appreciate any advise that I get. this forum has helped me alot. Thanks for the hugs and prayers. You are in my prayers as well.<P>------------------<BR>"If you can learn from the mistakes of others, you won't have to make them youself."<P>lady_divine77@yahoo.com