Who knows how many things my H was angry or resentful about, but never let me know? I had been assuming it was conflict avoidance, but maybe that was just a tool, a tool which allowed him to keep "punishing" me for whatever he was angry about. He could deny being angry, and yet be short-tempered, irritable, impatient, and disrespectful - and it would hurt even more because I had no idea why. And then he came up with the ultimate "punishment" - an affair.<P>I must admit I envy those betrayed whose spouses admit that it is about them, not the betrayed, whose spouses say they are sorry for hurting them, even if they aren't sorry about the affair, whose spouses say they love them but not in the right way, whose spouses say they want to remain friends, whose spouses admit that they had any part in the downfall of the marriage. The only mistakes my H will admit to are 1)marrying me and 2) not recognizing a long time ago that our (unspecified) problems were insurmountable, and divorcing me then. <P>

Nellie,<BR> With the mood I'm currently in, I think I would do this if I were in your shoes. I think that the next time my H put the blame for his actions on me, I'd tell him to "kiss my @$$, and you weren't any picnic to live with, either!" I'd tell him that his say-so in my household ended the day he moved out, and would stay that way until the day he decides that he messed his life up and/if <B>I</B> decide to let him move back in.<P> I'd also tell him to tell his OW to keep her nose out of my child-rearing business, and that if he's not happy about something to do with the kids, he can discuss it with me and <B>we</B> will come to some sort of agreement, but that since <B>I'm</B> saddled with almost <B>all</B> the child-rearing responsibilities, <B>my</B> opinions will carry more weight. I'd also tell him that if he wants to play games with the child support, he can take it up with my lawyer.<BR>So, then, I'd tell him to put all that in his pipe and smoke it!<P> Of course, all this is major love-busting, but I guess I'm way overdue for it, myself.<BR>Don't pay any attention to me!!<BR>

Sweetpea,<P>It's tempting. It probably couldn't make things any worse. I did tell him that I was forwarding his email to my lawyer and asking her to deal with his lawyer about it.