First it was "I dont love you anymore" then I got the "I was wrong" thing...now it is " I dont love you in that way anymore"<P>Lesa<P>------------------<BR>"It took me quite a while to realize that <B>the real deal</B> is to be able to be enough of a person your own to know when somebody loves you and cares about you"<BR>----Stevie Ray Vaughan<P>"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and<BR> lean not unto thine own understanding." -Proverbs 3:5<BR>Take care and God Bless.<P> lms20ish@jobe.net

I have one<P><BR>I don't love you and I <B> NEVER </B> did. <P>I got this one when he left me for the wildebeast. We had been married 7 years.<P>When we got back together after a year and a half he said, I told you that to make you hate me, so you wouldn't be so hurt.<P>I have to tell y'all, those words still haunt me to this day, 14 years later. <P>When he says I love you , I always wonder if he's lying. I want to believe him, but I just can't do it. <P>What he said when I found out about his last affair is a big sticking point for me too.<BR>He was going to bring ow to our home ! I begged him not to, but he said "She has nowhere else to go." Excuse me ? Like I'm supposed to care. Luckily she decided to stay with her hubby that night/morning.<P>Now he says that everthing was just blowing up around him and that he just wanted to be able to get to a peaceful place and have time to think, like things would have been peaceful if he had brought her home !<P>Oh well next week I go to therapy, maybe there I will learn how to get over those hurtful things. <BR> <P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>

Well, how about this one, it is short and right to the point:<P>"I DON'T WANT YOU ANYMORE!" OUCH!<P>Husband: "I just want to have fun."<BR>Me: "With me?"<BR>Husband: "I just want to have fun."<BR>Ouch again! Gee, now I guess I know who he wants to have fun with! Boy was I slow!<P>"I think it would be best for the kids if I wasn't around them. I can be a better dad if I just see them on the weekends." Ouch for the boys!<P>"I feel trapped. Not by you but financially trapped." So, leaving me and still paying the majority of the bills plus child support is really going to help you out financially!?! Ummm.... whatever!<P>If you all most know, I think my husband still loves me. He is just too lost to know how to come back. He came and spent two hours with me yesterday morning. No kids. I am probably reading too much into it. We were filling out his child support papers. We went for a drive and it was like old times. That hurts. He hugged me a couple of times, held my hand. He came back after I got off work and the kids were out of school and we all went to the park together. He spent the whole time talking to me. I don't get it. Yes, he left and went back to his ow. That hurts. The boys and I just left for a little while and when I got back I see I had a call from him on my caller id. He called from work. I am wondering if he is going to call me back or not. I am wondering if he is going to be mean to me again. You know, after he was so incredibly nice to me yesterday. He even told me I look good. ARRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! OK, I must stop torturing myself! I know there are dozens of other hurtful things he said. If I come up with anymore, I will post them just to torture myself. Yes, PAIN! Inflict it upon me! I guess I am feeling a little morbid and lost today! I just start to think I know where I am going and then WHAM! I get turned around and lost again!<P>~Woozy

Ok, I remembered another one of those twisted things he said. This was before he left me and he thought I was going to move out. He said, "I decided that if you moved out that I would give you time and then I would come and try and win you back. Of course you will find somebody so fast I probably wouldn't be able to win you back." Gee was that one meant to flatter me? I am sorry, I am sort of getting off on this thread! Why do I still love my husband so incredibly much? HEEELLLLLLPPPPPPP!<P>~Woozy <BR>P.S. I am sure I will think of more to post here! I am just having sort of an insane day today! After yesterday with my husband I think I snapped! I still want him back! ARRGGGHHHH! <p>[This message has been edited by woozy (edited March 08, 2000).]

Yep, it's me again! My husband just called. Now he wants to come over tonight and get MY GRANDMA'S Cheesecake recipe and the cheesecake pan that was given to me as a wedding shower gift so he can make cheesecake for the people he works with. Please... Now, I am insulted! Sorry, I am in a totally wrong frame of mind here today! MY LIFE SUCKS!!!!! I am sorry, I do find this a hurtful thing for him to say and do. This cheesecake pan and recipe has been a big part of our marriage! I know that sounds silly but it is true. Cheesecake is what I have for my birthday cake every year. My husband loves this cheesecake so much he learned how to make it himself. He used to work in a bakery and he made this cheesecake there and sold it. Am I pitiful or what? Mabe it is just an excuse for him to come and see my beautiful face! HA HA HA!!! That is the funniest thing I have said all day!<P>~Woozy<P>

Now I know what true love is.<P>What she meant to say was now I know what true LUST is. She claims to had to learn to love me. Everything I have read and discussed said that you had to learn to love the other person. It grows stronger with time.<P>------------------<BR><B><I>God Bless,<BR>Rob</I></B><BR> regilmor@swbell.net

Proffessorg,<P>That had to hurt. I feel for you! I asked my husband if he loved his ow, and he would just say, "I never told her I love her." That hurts too. Well, now he is living with her so he must love her. Well, you know, be in lust with her! You are right, that is all it is! It makes me so sick to think that they can throw everything that ever mattered away! I for the life of me will never understand it! They are pretty far gone, aren't they?<P>~Woozy

"I don't feel that way about you anymore."<BR>"You wouldn't understand."<BR>"Maybe it *was* a mistake for us to get married."<P>I never realized just how much my husband sounds like all the rest of the betrayers... Now, if only he would be as typical as Dr. Harley says and this affair would destroy itself! It's ok. I have a while before the two year mark yet <P>Oops ... forgot the sig!<P>terri<BR>I believe in miracles ...<p>[This message has been edited by terri (edited March 08, 2000).]

If you would have lost weight I wouldn't have gone to a younger woman. She made me feel so young and alive. (So what happens to me the "old hag"?)

How about:<BR> "I should of gotten out of this relationship years ago."<BR> "I only acted like I loved you for the last 15 years."<BR> "It's going to be a really long time before we can become good friends."<BR> "I told you what you wanted to hear."<BR> "Well,It looks like you lost your wife."<BR> OUCH!!! --Murph

"If we had faced our problems (which he didn't specify) we would have divorced many years ago."<P>"I made a mistake marrying her, and you should put your past behind you" (to our daughter).<P>"I don't like your basic personality, and you can't change your basic personality." When questioned as to why he didn't notice perhaps 24 years ago, he said, "You must have been hiding it."<P>What worries me is the possibility that this their new, permanent mindset. Just because they didn't believe this before the affair - does it necessarily mean that they won't believe it afterwards?

I think the worst one my H said to me was<P>"I've been unhappy for the last 12 years. I've finally found happiness and you want to take that away from me, too?"<P>I'm sure I could think of some others, but I'm trying to forget them!<P>Mare

Oh, oh - how about this one?<P>"If you follow me, I'll kill you!"<P>Mare

My Turn! <P>This is my personal favorite:<BR>You and the Ow are putting me in the middle of a situation that I didn't have anything to do with. (Yeah right, I wouldn't even know this woman except for my H living with her) <P><BR>I don't love you like a wife.<P>I love her and this is something I HAVE to do. (But paying child support isn't something he feels he should have to do!)<P>You forced me to marry you. (Now, I don't remember holding a gun to anyone's head or dragging him down the aisle.)<P>

This is an unbelievable thread to me. What insanity is behind all this! Here are some of my W's statements (after 20 years):<P>I think you are more in love with the idea of marriage than with me. (let's see, I made love with the idea of marriage)<P>20 more years of THIS?!? (unspecified misery she had never talked about before)<P>I feel trapped (again, no specifics)<P>My affair is not the problem.<P>If, after 20 years, you don't know what the problems in our marriage are I'm sure not going to tell you.<P>What are we betrayed's to do with this. This is a very lively post that sort of makes me feel better (misery loves company), but is there a positive direction to go with all this rationalizing and BS our waywards come up with. It has been utterly impenetrable in my situation. Divorce is imminent, and she clearly sees me as the problem.

This thread could go one forever, **it, we could make it an entire website!<P>"Even if we had worked on things, in my heart I know it would have never worked"<P>-Yea, I am sure that one makes you feel better about your behavior-<P>"If I break up with him, now I will have to hurt someone else"<P>-Yea, I feel bad for him, like he cared about hurting me-<P>"We never should have been together in the first place"<P>-Oh, is that the reason you wanted to get married so bad?-<P> <P>

How about, 'I don't have the will to go on with the relationship(marriage). I have nothing more to give (I am still wondering what was really given).' 'Don't you think its best that I tell you this now rather than years down the line? This isn't something I just woke up and decided, I have been thinking about this for a long time.'<P>So does this mean that the whole marriage was a sham. I knew we had problems but still. Was it all just an act on his part?? I am so confused.<P>Soul Searcher.

wwozy,<BR>I was crushed when she told me that. However, she found out that OM has someone else pregnant after they had unprotected sex. SUpposedly, they are not talking or seeing each other. I haven't had the opportunity to check the cell phone bill to verify.<P>She still sleeps on the couch. I would have thought she would be nicer now that we just purchased a new vehicle that I really didn't want. Yet, it is her payment. I had to cosign in order to qualify for the loan.<P>She is being nicer a little. I cherish the tiny steps that are made. <P>------------------<BR><B><I>God Bless,<BR>Rob</I></B><BR> regilmor@swbell.net

I am rather enjoying this thread also! My h came over tonight and got my cheesecake pan and my grandma's cheesecake recipe. I was going to keep custody of those things. Waahhh! Why did I let him have the cheesecake recipe??????? He showed up wearing my sweatshirt. Made me feel like he has been thinking about me. He told me I look good and asked me where I was going. Nowhere because like, duh... you left me and I have no social life! I didn't say that. I just said I thought the outfit looked good on me and thought I would wear it. How is that for stupid? He said it does look good on me. He stayed for three minutes and left. I think he is trying to see if he can get to me. Damn it! He does! I try not to let it show! He's coming back Saturday. Anyway, his asking for the cheesecake recipe was a hurtful thing to do. I think I mentioned that one! Maybe we should start a thread having to do with all the digs we got in on them! I got a few... I will just have to try and recall them. Oh, the reason he was wearing my sweatshirt... Well, the first night he left me, he was wearing it. He was saying all those mean and hurtful things to me to try and get me to hate him. Well, I finally went off on him and grabbed his shirt(MY SHIRT) and ripped it. When we got home, he showed me that I had ripped the collar. He did this as I was packing up his clothes so that he could leave. When he showed me the rip, I told him this..."You can keep it because it's too big for me now anyway!" I have lost almost 60 pounds. I look d@mn good too!!! Anyway, I have gotten some other good ones in. I know they are not condusive to plan A but it is fun to think about at times. I like this one too... He was describing the ow to me. I have never seen her before. Anyway, he told me if I did see her I wouldn't know what he saw in her. I said, "It's just the whole package isn't it?" Well, he knows darned well what I meant. He knows that I know she is a tramp and has a bad rep for cheating on her spouses. She has had two spouses already. I have gotten some other really really good ones in and for some reason they just seem to escape me!<P>~Woozy

Professorg,<P>I think you are in a far better place than me. My h is living with his ow/tramp. Sorry! I don't know why though! I am so sorry they say the hurtful things they do. I really do think they try to make us hate them. That way they don't have to feel so guilty about their behavior and they think it somehow makes it easier for them! I hope things get better and better for you! Hang in there and maybe someday she will come around. Take care!<P>~Woozy