Dear friends: I am not wanting or expecting any responses from anyone because I am just wanting someone to listen. Nothing else. In regards to my title, Jesus just left Chicago, it's because he had to come and see me. I went into a severe anxiety/depressed attack last evening where I just about came unglued. I knew something was wrong yesterday when I felt my body tire and my head sink into darkness. I tried walking on my break, but I just kept getting progressively worse. By the evening, the inside of my body was shaking terribly and my head was filled with confusion and voices telling me how stupid I am. I was trying to exercise to get the excess energy out of my system, but I could not control my shaking. I was pacing back and forth so fast, I almost ran into the door. I put on a cd(SisterActII) to listen to my favorite prayer song, "His eye is on the sparrow"(I am not sure of the title and I listen to it often) I tried in vain to get through this even my tears were struggling to get out due to the confusion that was occurring. When I couldn't take anymore, I was going to go to my spouse's work for him to help me. I thought I would wait for my daughter to come home from work so she could watch her younger sister and then I would leave. The wait seemed long. However, as soon as my daughter walked in the door, she started rattling off about her day and how hungry she was and other things. Next thing you know, my body started calming down,(minor shaking), my head quieted down, my heart rate slowed down. I don't know what happened, but I felt like I was given a chill pill or shot. We all sat at the table and ate leftovers, I had a glass of wine(to help me sleep), watched tv and talked about nothing. Since it was so warm, I even sat on the porch late at night. My spouse called and I told him what happened and he gave me comfort. Today, I am still experiencing minor internal shaking, but I am not too bad. I stopped by to see my spouse at lunch and he held me for awhile. Also, yesterday while going down hill, I spoke with the OM.(big mistake) He didn't do or say anything other than "how's this or how's that" But, after the conversation, I went down even further. My voices were right, I was stupid. I know better than to be so stupid. I am supposed to be trying to heal and not rubbing salt in the wound. I am leaving to go home right now and I am planning to just read and rest. Today is Ash Wednesday, so I may visit the church. As I said earlier, you don't need to respond, I just needed your listening ear. I am praying that I will eventually heal. Thank you very much for listening to me. The fact that you all have been here for me to talk to has been a great help to me. Again, Thank you all so much. My love and prayers to you.

hun just remember you are in my thoughts and prayers, and everyone here is pulling for you we love you very much.<BR>Lesa<P>------------------<BR>"It took me quite a while to realize that <B>the real deal</B> is to be able to be enough of a person your own to know when somebody loves you and cares about you"<BR>----Stevie Ray Vaughan<P>"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and<BR> lean not unto thine own understanding." -Proverbs 3:5<BR>Take care and God Bless.<P> lms20ish@jobe.net

I love you.<P>Be strong, I know you can.<P>Lori

Sobeit,<P>You know that we are here to listen and to talk as often as you need. You are so strong! I admire you so much!! Please know that we all love you!!<P>Prayers and big (((((HUGS)))))<BR>Mitzi

Sobeit,<P>I know how you are feeling. I have suffered from these attacks too. You almost want to jump out of your skin. I can't remember, but are you taking any meds? If not, you may want to see a doctor and get something to help you gain control. Also, I have found that as soon as a bad thought comes to my head, I say a quick prayer to take that thought captive to the will of the Lord, and I find immediate comfort and peace inside. Yesterday was a difficult day for me, but I just kept taking all of my fears to the Lord, and he has calmed my thoughts. How's your diet? This is one area where I have trouble, but every day it gets better. Got to treat the old bod to some good nourishment.<P>Hang in there, Sobeit. Good thoughts and prayers coming your way.<P>Take care, Kevin

Sobeit,<BR>Just wanted you to know I am thinking of you to. Glad you were able to calm down!<BR>Don't beat yourself up over the call, you still did good. (and you mean I am not the only one with those voices? here I thought I had full rights to them.)<BR>(((((Sobeit!))))))))))<P>Feel free to email me if you ever want to talk to someone who understands.<P>------------------<BR>Cat<P>catfrommb@yahoo.com

Sobeit,<BR> I'm praying for you! It sounds as if you needed something to distract you....which God provided in your blessed daughter coming home and chatting away.<BR> Hold on tight and always know that God will send your husband or another of your family will be along soon to help you, as He did last night!

{{{{{{{Sobeit}}}}}}}<P>Hey, how are you? Sorry, I would have been here for you earlier, but Cat kept me busy talking for about 4 hours. Course, as soon as I get back to the apartment, I've got to check the board and who do I see having a bad day? Say it ain't so, Sobeit. <P>Just wanted to let you know I lit a candle for you and am sending a prayer up w/ it for you. We're all here to listen to you any time. And yes we will respond so don't bother telling us not too. <P>------------------<BR>Allen<BR>sparky_dog_mb@yahoo.com

Sobeit ~ You are not stupid. Pretty please don't listen to that kind of negative self-talk. You are human and struggling with something soooo huge. Believe me I know the pain that you are speaking of. Please don't beat yourself up over one little mistake....instead celebrate the days that you haven't spoken to him!!! Hugs to you! May tomorrow be much better! My thoughts and prayers are with you.<P>Judy

Thank you all for your words of encouragement and kindness. Last evening the shakes were minor. I went to church last evening for my ashes. I had a little trouble sitting still, but my youngest kept talking to me as a distraction. I am feeling much better today. Only my hands are experiencing minor trembling. No Guard, I am not on any meds. I am terrified of them. I do exercise religiously to help me with the stress. My diet is up and down. I had a bad bout last week. This week I have been drinking Ensure for 2 of my 3 meals. That is what they put me on at the hospital. Cat: I wish these voices would go away. Sometimes they become so intense, I literally tell them to shut up. Sometimes out loud. I will keep your offer in mind. I keep telling myself, I will survive this. Again, Thank you and all my love to you LMS, Lostva, Mitzi, Cat, Guard, Sparkydog, SweetPea, Azhootie. I listen to your words of wisdom with hope for my future.

Sobeit,<P>I'm happy you're feeling better today! Just keep going one day at a time. Keep letting us know how you're doing. We WANT to help you thru this! <P>(((((HUGS)))))<P>Prayers,<BR>Mitzi