What did you do when your affair was discovered and you said you would have No Contact with OP. Did you make contact after that, or is it possible to have self control not to make contact? My spouse says there has been none, tell what you did to hide it. I know in this site it has said Betrayers had to create two lives, one with the spouse and the other with OP. My spouse says he loves me and loves OP, but has a lot of self control. Tell me what to look for. I really need suggestions, I don't trust at all and won't give my trust completely again. My spouse has gone through depression and is in withdrawl now, I need to know. Thanks for all of your inputs. I am confused.

Hi Bighope, <P>I am going through what you are going through so this is a very interesting topic to me as well. When my H came home to me three months ago I was sitting on pins and needles wondering what would happen. He wrote letter to OW and came home. That night OW called and h listened to her rant and rave on how hurt she was. I kept asking H if she was contacting him again and he said just once at work and she was out of his life and I need not worry. Well as time went on I felt assured that she must be gone. I was wrong and I trusted him to much. I could not imagine he would lie again. Its so amazing that these are not the same people we married, but somewhere deep inside they are still there.<P>When the truth came out he told me that OW was the one that contacted him and I do not know weather to believe him or not. The contact began right away and never stopped.Another thing that went wrong was the goodbye letter he was supposed to write her. He told me he was straight forward at first but now I learn he told her how he still loved her and had strong feelings for her. This was a big mistake for him to say these things to her thus giving her hope. He was weak and gave in. <P>The mistakes I made here are not pushing for me to help him write letter and sign it. I trusted him way to much, but was so afraid to push him back to other woman so I gave him some space.<P>When he comes back and he says he is things will be done differently. I really need to stress to him the importance of no contact in order for us to have a chance. I neglected to show him much of the info I have gathered through this site and books. When I did it was too late. Things will be different next time as I have learned from my mistakes the hard way. We will need to sit down and talk about a plan for when he does come back. I believe we should have mutual understanding of what is expected of him. I sure hope it will work.<P>Good luck to you and thanks, <BR>Pam<p>[This message has been edited by Pinky (edited March 10, 2000).]