Things have been going pretty well, all things considered. However had a tough Wed and Thurs.<P>On Wed I was thinking about summer and all the places the kids wanted to go when I realized that when my daughter will be gone for a week at different times I will not have anyone home while I'm at work to watch my son. X has said nothing about it and will have used up all her vacation by then so I figured I will probably have to use my vacation again this year to watch my son like I did last summer.<P>Then on Thurs, the kids told me that their mother got a house(not wear she told me a month ago!). Then they started telling me that they would have their owns rooms with TVs and their own phones. I guess the bribing is now underway full time. <P>The funny thing is that we had always felt that the kids didn't need these things in their rooms. I think part of the reason is guilt and the other is that the om probably doesn't want to deal with them and hopes that they just stay in their rooms.<P>It took me till Fri to start feeling better.<P>Things will improve over the weekend!!<P><P>------------------<BR>"You can't always get what you want! But if you try real hard,you might just find, you get what you need!"<BR>Mick Jagger

RWD<P>I know what you are saying about bribing. I call it the "good time Mommy syndrom". I think it is fairly common for te departed spouse to want to make their children happy. I am sure there is a big helping of guilt associated with it.<P>Just remember this - gifts and privlages don't replace love for very long. Chldren have an inate ability to see through a smoke screen and understand things in a way that adults rarely do. Your wife is not going to be able to buy their love, I'm sure they are too smart for that.

We also never let the kids have tv's or computers in their own rooms, primarily because we felt it fostered isolation. It seems to me that some families are very family-oriented and others are very individual-oriented. We were definitely of the family-oriented sort. From what little I know of the OW's family, they are much more of the other sort. Her older kids are rarely home when my kids are there (of course maybe they are just trying to avoid my kids), and they each have tv/computer/video games in their rooms. Now my H has completely changed his attitude about the importance of family cohesiveness - I don't know whether it is because she has convinced him that her family structure is better, or simply because of the incredible selfishness that seems to be the overwhelming characteristic of betrayers.

Bob,<P>Sorry you had a bumpy week, but your attitude is so good that I know the saddness you feel will blow over.<P>I was thinking about you using your vacation with your son. Two thoughts...one is that maybe you can get a neighbor to watch him a few days and offer to do something else for the neighbor (barter) and two is that you and son can take a mini-vacation together. Even if you don't go anywhere, you guys could spend the time together doing fun stuff like on a vacation. Maybe you could do a combo, so that you could enjoy some quality time with him alone and get someone to watch him so maybe another time when the X has the kids, you could actually use a few vacation days enjoying yourself with other adults!<P>You are doing a great job, Bob. Don't worry about the "stuff" she gives them. My kids are all in college now, and when they talk of memories of being younger, it is never about what stuff they had or were given, but always about things we did and places we went together. The love shared in daily living is what the best of memeories are all about!!! You are providing stability, moral framework and grounding in a time of great upheavaland confusion for your children. Trust me, there is no greater gift you can give them than that!!!<P>Desiree <P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

Hey Desiree!<P>Good to hear from you again. How are thinks in your life!<P>Bob