I walked by a full length mirror and said YUK!!!<P>I used to dress nice.<P>I used to get my hair styled regularly.<P>I used to be the president of the PTA<P>I used to be skinny<P>I used to wear makeup<P>I used to be an attractive lady<P>The longer this EA continues the uglier I get.<P>Has anyone else let theirself go to pot like this?<P><BR>Get it together Keo.... !<P>Keo

Keo,<P>Yes, it is normal for most of us to let our selves go, being content in what we thought was a happy marriage.. I found when I was frustrated, I went right to the fridge, and when something tramtic happens, I couldn`t eat.. My ex left, and unfortunatly for me is never coming back.. ( I finally figured out why too.. he just can`t seem to vent his ill feelings, and will probably never learn to either..) so I did all the work as far as trying to keep us together, until OW "perdue" came back into his life, (an old freind, also married) but thats another story..<P>If things take a turn for the wourst, thats when you are going to stop eating, and loose the weight.. right now, you are stuck in a situation, that doesn`t seem to be going neither here or there, so you are not, or can`t focus on only you.. but thats what you have to do right now.. <P>take every minute of every day, and focus on you.. just for s little while.. think back when you were younger.. if you were doing your own thing, they all wonder where you were and who your with... they all respect a woman who is more independent.. they (meaning the spouse that is betraying)are looking for an escape from reality.. and if thats what they want we should all be giving it to them, big time.. and make like nothing is wrong... get your own interests.. and do for you, for a change... it is the lack of attention, and the lack of showing concern that brings them back to reality.. they *WILL* think, "what the heck is going on here"<P>the old saying, they want what they can`t have... and if you treat them like a bI___! they want you even more... (why) because they need, like and want the chase... Today, I feel we all have to be on our gguard so much, and it is not fair, but thats the way of the world, (to me) and it is a big game, that some are very good at and some are not.. if you play it smart.. he/she will come back, (maybe slowly, maybe fast) but they will think things through.. they will see a change in you instantly, (if you play your cards right) and want to be in the game, playing with you, so to speak, and the EA may stop.. to her/his surprise.. or she/he may have to play harder, knowing you are growing wiser.. but!!! you do have the upper hand, living and knowing your spouse better... so think possitive, and think what would make YOU!!! HAPPY!!!... let him be there but in the back round, (so to speak) and see, hear, and watch you be your own self again!!!<P>This is my opinion, and my advise to you.. <BR>do as you will with it or not... but mark my words.. I lost my ex already... he left too long ago, to make a go of it again.. you still have yours home.. don`t let him/her let you loose your own self respect... or lower your self to there level.. <P>Lots of luck to you.. Keo..<P>AV

Keo my friend...<P><BR>GET UP OFF YOUR BUTT AND GET IN THE SHOWER, THEN PUT ON YOUR NICEST OUTFIT AND MAKEUP AND GO SHOPPING FOR SOMETHING FOR YOU!!!!<P> <P><BR>((((Keo)))))<P>But come on put the gun down and pull yourself out of that rut you are in. You are better than that!! Do it for You!! not your H<P><P>------------------<BR>Cat<P>catfrommb@yahoo.com

SHOPPING!!! I like that idea... I haven't bought anything new for myself for a long time... <P>Would it be a LB if I maxed out his credit card? LOL<P>Keo

Keo,<P>It's depression that does it to us. I wear the same clothes for 2 and 3 days, & lay around. Some days I have to force myself to shower every other day!<P>I give you my permission to do as Cat says.... Go SHOPPING!!!!!<P>(((((HUGS)))))<BR>Mitzi

Keo,<BR>I had put on 35 pounds that I definitely did NOT need, quit ever wearing makeup, and started putting my hair in an easy to fix but ugly ponytail every day. After discovery, I couldn't eat at all. It took several days to get to the point I could choke down any food at all. Needless to say, I had a headstart on losing the weight by then. I am now back down to 120 pounds, the new clothing size made me have to buy new clothes. Well, they looked so nice that I had to fix my hair and wear makeup again. My H is quite pleased with it all and thinks I did it just for him!! If he only knew!<P>Cat<BR>Catzpjs2@aol.com<P>------------------<BR>I wish I didn't know now what I didn't know then.

hey Keo,<P>I know how you feel. I stopped eating, and lost so much weight. I didn't really need to, but I still had some 'baby' weight, so it came off really fast. I was having one of those "I don't care" days the other evening, and I had my daggy old nightie on, really "comfy" knickers on, (if you get my meaning, you know, the real big ones!!!) socks on as I had just put cream on my feet, no makeup, and my hair had been washed but not dried. What a picture. One of my girlfriends came over and just laughed and laughed. Mainly at the socks. I just had to have some time with me being comfortable with me. And I was. Even with no makeup, and a girlfriend laughing her head off. It's making me giggle now, just thinking about it. Especially the knickers part. They're classic, the big bombay bloomers that our granny's used to wear.!!!! No wonder my H left!!! (I didn't really wear them when he was here - they were only "that time of the month" comfort !!!) Anyway, enough of my sexy underwear!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<P>I guess I'm so used to putting makeup on every day, and it really does make me feel better inside. I still keep doing it. I don't wear a lot, just mascara, lipliner and lippie usually, but it's enough to still feel good.<P>I was really down one day, and went shopping to buy something for me. I ended up buying 3 new lipsticks and a lipliner, and nail polish. With hindsight, I should have bought some lingerie!!!! Spent a fortune, still havent paid the telephone bill, but I felt so good that day. It was worth it.<BR>Not very responsible, but I felt good all day, and had a smile on my face.!!!!!<P>Do something for you. Buy a new bath bomb, and have a soak tonight. I love those things. They smell so good, and it's so beautiful bathing amongst the rose petals!!!! very decadent almost !!!!!!<P>I hope you're feeling better today. I hate the fact that they have the power to make us let ourselves go. But you sound like me, and many others here. We may let ourselves go a little, but we soon realise that we are worth something, and we are worth a lot to a lot of people. If they don't want us, there are many others who do. I'm referring to family and friends here, not other fish in the sea !!!!! Although there seems to be a bit of a fishing expedition going on, on this board at the moment. I might just join the boat!!!<P>take care of you, and know that you are a wonderful person. I value you a lot. Your posts are so caring, as well as bloody funny!!<P>I'm sending a big hug to you right now<P>Jo

Hi Jo,<P> You crack me up with the way you write!!....I can just see you in your oversized bloomers!! Btw, what the heck is a BATH BOMB? !!!(I keep picturing an exploding bathtub!!).......Lu

bath bomb?<P>bathing among the rose petals? <P>I'm shopping in the wrong places... never found anything like that here...<P>I know the bloomers!! I wear them all the time when H is not home... they been the ruination of my waist line... <P>Keo<BR>

There you go Keo..I give you permission to go charge up an armfull of THONG undies!! LOL they will make you think twice about that ice cream <P> [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/grin.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/grin.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/grin.gif[/img]<P>if you did not go shopping shopping today I INSIST you do it tomorrow!! I MEAN IT GET UP AND GO KEO SHOPPING!!! and you better come home with at least one thong [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/wink.gif[/img] You too Jo!! <BR>LOL I am dying picturing you in those undies! [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/wink.gif[/img]<P>Get up, get dressed, put on that make up and go KEOSHOPPING and HELL no it is not a LB to charge it up,,if you still have it, that is permission enough for me [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/grin.gif[/img]<P>GO GIRL GO!!<BR><P>------------------<BR>Cat<P>catfrommb@yahoo.com

<BR>I swear to God Keo, if this conversation hasn't cheered you up, nothing else ever will!!!<P>Bath bombs, bloomers....<P>I'm sitting here cracking up! Literally, with tears running down my face!! My kids think I have lost my mind!!!<P>Please Jo, tell us what a bath bomb is, I keep thinking of a "BUG BOMB" and KNOW it's not the same type of thing!! LOL<P>I think I'm gonna keep rereading this. It's just made my day!!<P>Mitzi

Keo,<P>Cat wants to know if you went shopping yet? She says black thongs are the best, and I would have to agree. Can't believe I have to type this stuff for Cat. LOL<P>Have a great day. <P>------------------<BR>Allen<BR>sparky_dog_mb@yahoo.com

So Keo, enquiring minds want to know...<BR>Are you now the proud owner of a thong?<BR> <P>Or did you at least go do something for YOU?<P>Details Keo Details!<P>------------------<BR>Cat<P>catfrommb@yahoo.com

Alright Keo, <BR>I see you posting to bystander up there.<P>Answer my ?!!!<P>Did you go Keoshopping or not???<P><P>------------------<BR>Cat<P>catfrommb@yahoo.com

lol, lol lol lol, that ia all I have to say<P>woozy

do you know something we don't know Woozy??<P>------------------<BR>Cat<P>catfrommb@yahoo.com

YES YES YES <P>Major shopping spree!!! LOVED IT<P>got lots of unders and outters... LOL<P>new hair cut<P>facial<P>eyelashes dyed <P>eyebrow arch... ha ha <P>manicure<P>pedicure<P>the works!!!<P>I feel so great!!! I'm a new person...<P>he won't reconize me when he gets home!<P>but what do I do when the credit card bill shows up in the mail? <P>Keo

Keo, that is great! I have wanted to do that but all my h's credit cards are maxed out. BUMMER! I want a haircut and I can't even afford that. It is a haircut or gas in the car so I can get to work and make more money! Hmmmm, choices! NOT! My h gets to make lots of choices now that he is living with his skany trailer trash sweetie. YUCK! Sorry, I am feeling a little ticked off here today! LOL! I am just so happy today, that is why with all the laughter! LOL!<P>Woozy

WhoooooHooooo! way to go Keo!!<P>Meet him at the door in your new "unders" and maybe you won't Have to explain!!!<P>Just say that is your service charge for putting up with all his crap <P>Hey I read somewhere you moved 500 miles to be near the OW..where did you move from?<BR>

shoot, we've lived all over the place... LOL<P>there's really no place I can call "home".<P>we did live in Oklahoma for 10 years so I guess that would be the closest to a home town.<P>I want to go back there soooooo bad....<P>Keo