I should be happy that we (W and the boys) went to dinner and saw a movie. The boys saw Snow Day and we saw Mission to Mars. I cried through most of the movie mostly because her body language was I don't know why I am here with you. I actually wanted to cry while we were eating but didn't because I didn't want to ruin the family time together for the boys.<P>I actually started crying before the lights went down at the start of the movie. She saw a tear on my face and asked what was the matter with me. I said that nothing was wrong. As the movie got started, the couple scenes started me to crying even more. As a matter of fact when I see a woman wearing her wedding ring I start to cry. There was one scene where the W was going to try and save her H. The H killed himself because it was impossible for her to save him. I really started crying at that point.<P>This hurt incredibly bad. It hurts moreso because I found a letter that I feel was recently written where she stated that she never thought she could live with out him. I just want to go be with with God right now. There I am safe. He won't let me down.<P>Yet, I know that He has me with her for a reason. I am here to show His love to her so that she will know that He is real. I would be totally out of my mind if it were not for Him. I keep asking Him to help ease the pain a little. I am dedicated to serving Him by serving her and anyone else He wants me to serve. As I get closer to HIm, the more I find that I truly deserve His punishment. But I am truly thankful for Jesus dying on the cross so that WE all have the opportunity to spend eternity with Him.<P>As soon as I stop crying I will go back home. I came to work so that I culd write this as well as make a copy of the letter she wrote him.<P>------------------<BR><B><I>God Bless,<BR>Rob</I></B><BR> regilmor@swbell.net

Dear Rob,<P>I am so sorry that she wrote a letter like that, but more importantly, I'm sorry you found it and that it makes you feel so bad.<P>I know the emotions are just so hard to deal with. Pure punishment going to an emotional movie. So hard to deal with everything when your emotions having you looking at life like a yo-yo.<P>I commend your persistence. Yes, you are a comparison to Hosea..... But, Hosea's commitment to Gomer was to demonstrate to us what God's commitment is to us. Isn't that really neat, that God is more committed to us, than we are to God? I guess the relationship would totally fall apart between God and us, if it weren't for his commitment. And God, He is the one with the strength - not us. Just like Hosea. He was the one with the strength, not Gomer. I guess there is a price to pay for that leadership hat. <P>God Bless you, Rob. With his strength.<BR>TNT

Rob,<P>Bless your heart Rob, I have been in the sme situation myself. I feel the same feelings you feel in every way. But I seek Our Father each and everyday for guidance and wisdom in this matter.<BR>On reading Hosea Ch.1-3, you will see why God has you there. In crying and feeling bad like this, is no different than Jesus on his day of crusifixiton(sp) because your cross is no different than His. And to help you withthis I pray everyday of restoration for God has given you your wife and your family. It is okay to cry because God has given you a love that endures all. But also, has more feeling than we can ever imagine. So in a sense, you are mourning the loss of a love one but you still have love for that person. and that is the right that God has given you. And with the love that pours out through you from God will bring her back to God and you. And you will have a love that is everlasting such as our Fathers.And even though it was tough to stand there you know that is where you need to be. And when God places you there, you will see victory in your life. Pray over your wife and your family each and everyday and remember Love saves us all. For God is the greatest Love story there ever was. Love you Brother I understand what you are going through, God Bless, and I will keep you in my prayers. Amen.<P>Remember to love your wife for all that she is and all that she isn't.<P>berrie0506@hotmail.com<BR>

professorg,<P>I don't have much to say except that I know what kind of pain you are going through and I feel for you. You recently helped me get through a tough time with a post you sent me and I would like you to know that I'm thinking of you and will keep you in my prayers. You are an increadably strong man with great conviction to your faith. I admire that friend.<P>We never know why God allows us to go through this pain except that through it we will come closer to him. I really believe that. I want you to know that the committment you show to your marriage is inspiring to many of us here. Just remember, this too will pass in time. Believe in God and yourself and take care of your children. God Bless. <BR>BB

Rob,<P>You have the same name as my H. Many times when I write to you, I can't even type your name. Thats how bad a hang up I have these days. I can't even say H's name. He can't either, he changed it to Robert. <P>My heart goes out to you this morning. You have put tears in my eyes reading your post. I felt the same as you SO many times. I really wanted to die. I hate to say it but sometimes I still do. I am not deeply religious. I recently started going to church after my Rob left. The past 4 weeks I have not gone, due to my own bad behavior that I can not explain, but I am not highly religious either. <P>However, I did read the bible a lot at the beginning of discovery. Here are some things that I would read to give me peace.<P>Ecclessiastes 7:14 When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider: God has made one as well as the other.<P>Ecclessiastes 9:9 Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, all the days of this meaningless life that God has given you under the sun...<P>Matthew 8:13 Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life and only a few find it.<P>Stay away from sad movies, those will do it every time. I too can't look at people with wedding rings either. That really gets me. Seeing a couple shopping for groceries together in a store, I could go on and on. <P>I hope you find some peace and comfort today. I was deeply touched by your post. Be strong and better days are sure to be ahead. I read all the replies you post to others and you are an incredibly caring and sensitive person. <P>Why are you copying the letter? I hope you are not going to keep looking at it, it will give you great pain. <P>Sending prayers, hugs and strength to you, Dana<P>

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ROB}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>I am sorry for what you are<BR>going thru.<BR>Your incredible strength in God is wonderful to see.<BR>I wish I could have half of what you have.<BR>I truly believe that God will not forsake us<BR>so just hang in there, we are all here for you.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Peg

ATTENTION ROB !<P>You know I love you as my brother in the Lord, so I feel I can be upfront with you without making you angry with me.<P> There is no shame in tears ! I know most men were raised not to show weakness and were told that tears were one of those signs. That is so untrue, the fact that you cry says IMHO that you are a person with a tender and loving heart. Unfortuneatly right now your heart is broken. <P>I know how hard this has been for you. <P>Now let me be blunt if I may, Yes Rob ,God wants you to love your wife and to care for her because He loves her.<P>But God also Loves Rob ! And God wants you to love Rob too. I hope you aren't angry yet, but I don't see much love for Rob coming from you right now.<P>Let me ask you something Rob , if you serve your wife and everyone else till you are all used up, then who will take your place ? OM ?<P>I am glad you are getting closer to our Father Rob, but please believe this, punishment is not you deserve in His eyes ! You are a pearl of great price to Him. You are the apple of His eye. You are His workmanship, He has graven you (written or drawn) you in the palm of His hand ! His Son our Lord and elder brother has borne all our punishment.<P>Oh Rob, I pray you will see how special YOU are to God, your family and to us .<P>I am sorry if I hurt you, but I felt you needed to hear this, I have no idea why. But I did.<P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>

(((((((((((((((ROB))))))))))))))))<P>MONDO HUG !!!!!!!!!!!!!!<P>You are such a good man, and I know your faith keeps you strong, but it is, at times, fine and dandy to feel the way you did last night and today....<P>God gave you a whole spectrum of emotions, cherish them all....<P>at least you are still a feeling human being....<P>my prayers today are for your wife...that she may see the treasure she has in you, and that her heart be unhardened..<P>Dylan<P>

(((((((((ROB)))))))))<P>I am so sorry. I so do know your pain! I have never felt so incredibly crushed in my life and I know that is how you are feeling! Don't ever give up is all I can say! I know that is hard and some days you just want to crawl into a hole and die. I have those days! It is incredibly hard! Just know that we are all here for you! I am thankful to have this place to come to when I am down or happy or feeling any of the other thousand emotions that I go through at a time like this! Take care!<P>Woozy

Thank you all Veeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry Much!<P>Your replies made me cry tears of joy.<P>Deb,<BR>I am not angry with you. No, I am not ashamed to cry not even in front of her. I have been trying not to cry in front of her because she has let me know that she thinks I am trying to one up her. Besides having this hang up with always wanting to be in the lime light, she has this incredible thing about being in control. She denies the control thing.<P>I do love myself. I am doing those things that bring me joy. I listen to Christian radio, read my Bible, and I come here as often as I can to be with my friends. I am even working to get myself a laptop so that I can play with my PC without committing any LBs until we get back to where God wants us to be.<P>I will address everyone individually later when I go to my part time job unless I get the opportunity over lunch to do so.<P>Thank you all for your kind words. God never leaves us even though sometimes in our hearts we feel like He does.<P> <A HREF="http://bible.gospelcom.net/bible?Galatians+6:1-10" TARGET=_blank>http://bible.gospelcom.net/bible?Galatians+6:1-10</A> This link is one of the many reasons I can't leave. He reaffirms me through His word and through you ALL.<P>MONDO HUG to you ALL!!! I am truly blessed to have you all as my FRIENDs.<P>------------------<BR><B><I>God Bless,<BR>Rob</I></B><BR> regilmor@swbell.net <P>[This message has been edited by professorg (edited March 13, 2000).]<p>[This message has been edited by professorg (edited March 13, 2000).]

Rob,<P>I too know what you are going through. I still don't watch any TV because of the pain it brings. I haven't been to an adult movie for months, the last one was with my then w, and she gave me the same body language. Following that movie, we went out to eat and she pretty much let me know then that she was done with the marriage. The following Tues was when I found out she was back with om and that is when I decided I had had enough.<P>I know you don't agree with divorce, and I'm not advocating it, I'm just concerned about you and all the pain you are absorbing and your wish to be with the Lord. Who will take care of your boys then ? Will your w give up her selfish ways to care for them ?<P>I guess I would advise you to go to Plan B as it sounds as if you are running out of love for your w.<P>My prayers are with you.<P>Bob

Rob:<P>As I have followed your story and read your posts to others; I have seen how you have poured compassion upon others, even in the midst of your own pain.<P>Now, I am going to be blunt with you as a friend and brother in Christ. Finally, someone advised you to do what I had wondered why you hadn't done?<P>RWD told you to "go to Plan B".<P>I am sorry Rob, but I am speaking from experience....although God can do anything, it is going to be near impossible for your situation to be resolved with you both in the same house.<P>You have gone the second, third, fourth and hundreth mile with your wife....you have demonstrated Jesus to her and it's not working.<P>There is such a thing as 'tough love' and I think it is time you changed gears and shifted into 'plan B, tough love'.<P>I do not believe the Lord is honored by the pain you are enduring and your wife needs a 'wake up call'.<P>Do what you feel you must do, but it might be time to let her go.<P>If you have to force someone to come to you or stay with you; if you have to force something to happen...it isn't worth having!<P>You are dying a slow death and I know first hand the pain you are going through.<P><BR>Just give it some thought, pray about it and keep us posted.<P>[censored] from Texas<BR>

Bob and [censored],<BR>Plan B is in the making as soon as I kill the remainder of our debt. I have been thinking about it for some time now. This was the primary reason I hadn't left her. <P>The second is that I plan on taking our boys with me. I don't want them to have to endure the pain that will be associated with me leaving them with her. She is already unstable and doing this will only cause her to be more unstable. I think she is suffering from bipolar disorder. She has shown that she is not a suitable parent in her current state. She pulled on our oldest's ear because she was frustrated with me. He thinks he would be dead if I left them with her. I don't plan on appearing to abandon them as she obviously thinks has happened to her.<P>Third, I have been hoping that she would be seeing the psychologist regularly. She has yet to set up a follow on appointment. She definitely needs to see the psychiatrist again before her perscription for the antidepressants runs out. <P>Her body language and tone in her voice at times lets me know that she still cares. She is trying to heal from what he has done to her. I let her know on Saturday that the pain she feels is what I feel. He did to her what she is doing to me. Her response was that I am in pain too. However, her pain is caused by her actions which were wrong. I feel for her and at the same time I don't feel for her.<P>I am taking it one day at a time. I am doing what is in the best interest of all concerned even if it hurts. I can't let her or the boys down. I can't rush the finances. I probably would have been gone if our finances were better. She is going to be devastated when the boys and I move out. But that is the price she must pay for continuing to think that she can be a leech.<P>------------------<BR><B><I>God Bless,<BR>Rob</I></B><BR> regilmor@swbell.net

Rob,<P>You are getting good advice from many people here who care about you. I think that PlanB is vital and necessary in your situation. More important that the laptop...if you don't mind me saying....use that money to help you take the boys and leave her alone. She needs to experience what life will be like without you, to give her an opportunity to really appreciate what a good and fine person you are. Also, like Deb, I fear that you are giving more to her than is healthy. You are spiraling down further and further, Rob. Of all things, forget her for a second...think of the boys! They need a strong moral compass and that isn't going to come from her. You need to focus on yourself more than you have been doing.<P>Really, please take better care of yourself. You can not help her or anyone else if you let yourself run on empty.<P>Prayers and hugs to you, Rob. You have so very many friends here, and we all want only the very best for you and your boys.<P>Take care....Desiree<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

Rob,<P>I have read your profile, and also read many posts by you. Your strength and committment to the Lord and your marriage is awsome. 2 Chronicles 15:7 "But as for you, be strong and do not give up, for your work will be rewarded." Jeremiah 31:16 "Restrain your eyes from tears, for your work will be rewarded, declares the Lord."<P>My heart goes out to you, and your family. I pray that God will deliver your family to you in whole. I pray that Satan is cast from your wife, and she can allow Christ back into her heart.<P>Your movie experience sounded just like mine this weekend. I took Lor to see "Sleepy Hollow", and it was like ice sitting next to me. She was so distant. Then after the movie, she said "Let's go somewhere and talk". She told me she had the paper work for the divorce, and was going to give it to me and I now have 20 days to sign it. It's so devastating, but I just felt some calm come over me, because I knew that God does Love me for who I am, and I have made my peace with him, and I have tried so desperately to make my peace with Lori. She's too far gone. God does have a plan for me. I just have to be patient and listen.<P>Take care, Kevin<p>[This message has been edited by Guard (edited March 13, 2000).]

Hi Rob,<P>I just want to post and let you know that I'm thinking of you. I wish I could do or say something to ease your pain, bit I fear there's nothing.<P>Please just take care of you. Who will look after your boys, as you say, if you have nothing left to give. I know the experience of letting myself run down completely. I was so stressed with the situation, wasn't eating, crying all the time, not really seeing anyone who understood, so consequently, when I left, I got really sick. Just the flu, but one of those episodes where you are bedridden. Luckily, I had my family here to help out. My point is, that with the stress and everything else, you may make yourself sick. Is there anyone around who will be able to help out, if that happens.? Please please take care of yourself.<P>I'm sending a big hug to you right now, and saying a prayer for you. I don't have the conviction of faith that you do, but I still believe that God loves me, and hears me.<P>love and hugs<P>Jo<BR>

<B>Connie</B>,<BR>Thank you. I am able to persist only because God has given me the strength to do so. There have been numerous days here lately that I just want to give her a reality check. This reality check is coming sooner than she thinks.<P><B>mercy</B>,<BR>Hosea and I have a lot in common. Yet, I know GOd is directing my path. He has all my life. Yet, I didn't get to know Him personally until I was 12. So I have been walking with HIm for about 25 years. He will get us all throught his mess.<P><B>Brent</B>,<BR>Just knowing that you care is plenty. As I posted earlier, seeing all the responses brought tears of joy to my eyes this morning.<P><B>Dana</B>,<BR>Actually my name is Robert, I use Rob because I don't particularly like Bob. The only person who was allowed to call me Bob was my grandmother. The rest of my family called me Robert. I started using Rob when I entered the Air Force and people started calling me Bob.<P>Thanks for the scripture. It was and is affirmation from God that I am still doing what He wants me to do.<P><B>Peggy</B>,<BR>I owe it all to God because without Him I am nothing. He has made me the man that I am and I pray continually that He will make me even better. He is awesome.<P><B>Deb</B>,<BR>I know that I sound like I am running on empty but I am not quite there. Well, everytime that I think I am there, He steps in and gives me the wherewithall to take a little more. I was pleased when she wanted to go celebrate our youngest's birthday, even though it was late. Besides I owe the boys family time whenever she is willing to give it. That is why we went to dinner and a movie. I just wasn't expecting the body language that I experienced. Had I initiated the idea to go to the movies, I would have expected the behavior without it bothering me as much as it did. The last time we went to the movies I cried at the romantic parts of the movie. <P>Living is hard when you see couples holding hands , hugging, kissing each other goodbye in the morning as one drops off the other. These are the things that we used to do. It hurts really bad when I don't get to hug or kiss. I know she is still calling him because I hit the redial buttonand his cell phone was in the telephone.<P>I am okay. I just want her to go see the doctor about her possible disorder so she can be put on medication to help equalize things.<P><B>Dylan</B>,<BR>Thanks for the prayers. And yes, emotions are a mystery that sometimes I really could do without. Yet, I am a real man because real men are able to cry when they fel the need. A real man is one who knows the Lord. I am not the worldly macho man. It has been hard doing the opposite of what society has taught. I do it for my boys because I don't want them to have a confused perspective on how things realy are as defined by God.<P><B>woozy</B>,<BR>Thanks for the support. You and eeryone else are so wonderful. I come here everyday even though I don't always post a reply or start a new post.<P><B>Desiree, Bob, and [censored]</B>,<BR>I have been giving it a great deal of thought and will be leaving when the finances are right. I need to be able to run two households even though I plan on changing the names on the utilities when I leave provided she doesn't get her act together before the boys and I leave.<P>The money I will be using on the laptop wasn't going to come until I had taken care of the other bills that I refer to when I talk about our finances. We have about $30k that will be gone by the end of the year. That is priority #1. When that is out of our hair then she will get a treality check. She will either commit to the relationship or ask for a divorce. Though I love her deeply, I love her enough to let her continue to be a fool without me.<P><B>Kevin</B>,<BR>As bad as this will sound, I would welcome her giving me divorce papers at least she will have made a decision. Right now she is being a leech. I know that she would have a cow if I told her this. The only time she filled out the LB questionnaire, she didn't like my telling her to get out. I just want her to make a decision to either work on the relatinship or to leave. I am okay with either because I win in either case. The boys win in either case also because they won't have to deal with her mood swings.<P><B>Jo</B>,<BR>Just knowing that you care means a great deal. It helps to be able to get support for what you are doing. I talk with others whom she would have a cow if she knew that I was spreading the information to others about what is going on in our house. I have kept silent long enough. She doesn't understand that lots of people are beginning to see her in the way that she doesn't want to be seen.<BR>------------------<BR><B><I>God Bless,<BR>Rob</I></B><BR> regilmor@swbell.net <P>[This message has been edited by professorg (edited March 13, 2000).]<p>[This message has been edited by professorg (edited March 13, 2000).]

I'm at a loss for words...... <P><BR><B>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ROB}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}</B><P>------------------<BR>"If you can learn from the mistakes of others, you won't have to make them youself."<P>lady_divine77@yahoo.com

Rob,<BR>I had those sinking....I can't live anymore feelings. Been about a year now. Decided...with proding from stbx to end my life. I didn't really want to die.....hell....I am so afraid of dying, I love life too much. I just couldn't understand how God could let me feel so much pain.<P>My stbx was so mean that day and leading up to that day. Kept talking about "till death do us part" how I had to be the one to do it because I was "mental" and the girls would be better off without me. Had me believing I was worthless.<P>Guess what...I am not. I am still hurting...still feel pain...still can't understand why I am going through this and just what I did to allow God to put so much on my plate. <P>But I am surviving....I'm ok. I would never want to take my own life. Never again will I allow myself to feel so low....or allow anyone to make me feel that low again.<P>So I guess I have found the strength that I used to have...I have it back and no one will take it away again.<P>I care so much about everyone here.<BR>You guys have gave me so much good advice<BR>helped me when I was down<BR>helped me understand that "it" wasn't me<BR>helped me understand ....addiction<P>Thank you for all of your advice...your caring words....your tears.<P>You are much appreciated<BR>Nancy

[<P><B>Kevin</B>,<BR>As bad as this will sound, I would welcome her giving me divorce papers at least she will have made a decision. Right now she is being a leech. I know that she would have a cow if I told her this. The only time she filled out the LB questionnaire, she didn't like my telling her to get out. I just want her to make a decision to either work on the relatinship or to leave. I am okay with either because I win in either case. The boys win in either case also because they won't have to deal with her mood swings.<P>Rob, This is the hope that maybe I can give you. I had an affair that lasted off and on for over a year and a half. It was an EA and PA. I confessed to my W, and thought I could just stop the affair, after all I was a strong family man, grounded in my christian beliefs. I tried so many times, but always failed, because I kept trying to use my will and not God's. I would go in and out of a depression, in and out of the house, in and out of my W and kid's lives, in and out of the affair. Big roller coaster ride, on and off meds. Finally I came to a point where it was either my life or God's will. Guess what? I'm still here. I stay on my meds now, and I surround and immerse myself in the word, and Christ's blood has made all the difference. Maybe too late for my marriage, but not for my salvation. Although I'm anxious about the divorce, God has such a firm grip in my life and directing my way, that I don't have any paralyzing fear, or attacks, and have peace about asking Christ back into my life. Dealing with a severely depressed person is hell on earth. My W tried so hard. I do thank her for trying so hard. She saved my life.<P>People do awful things when their life is dominated by the deceiver. I pray that those demons are bound in the name of the Holy Spirit, and no longer have control of your W.<P>Take care Rob, I'll pray for you and your family. Kevin