I need some advice. <P> My xH recently finally broke up with the OW. It took 4 years, and a true near-death escape from marrying her last summer. But, he found the courage to end the relationship and miraculously, told the OW he wouldn't marry her, because of unresolved issues with me.<P>Unbeknownst to most people, our relationship, which had been nonexistent (my choice), has greatly improved in the past 4 months. But no, he has made no moves toward reconciliation. But, I know he still loves me, even if he isn't ready to deal with his feelings for me yet.<P>My problem is that people will not leave me alone about my private life. My xH is a very successful man, good looking and the mega-catch guest, that every hostess likes to have at her dinner party. People just love to tell me everything he is doing, and who he is with etc.<P>I have been living totally alone in my faith, that God will someday restore our marriage. I am surrounded by nothing but nay sayers. I knew in my heart that my xH did not love the OW, and that he would never marry her, but no one else believed me. They all thought I was living in denial and delusion. They were in total shock when he broke up with her because of still having feelings for me.<P>Now their favorite past-time is pointing out, that if he really did love me, he would have come right back to me, once he broke-up with the OW. They seem to take great pleasure in telling me, that this awful woman in town, fixed my xH up with a horrible woman, who is a golddigger, and that she is telling everyone that they "hit it off" big time.<P>I do not know God's plan, but I will never give up hope, as long as my heart tells me not to give up. As I said, everyone told me it was a hopeless situation, and to give up hope, when my xH got engaged to the OW, 2 years ago, I didn't... And then they gleefully pointed out how I simply HAD to accept the inevitable now, when it was announced that they were actually getting married...I didn't...<P>And, my xH and the OW did NOT get married! Because God intervened, and literally at the very last moment, gave my xH the courage to BACK OUT of the wedding, with cold feet.<P>But, I am so weary of all the negative energy that comes at me all the time. Everyone in town, follows our lives, just fascinated with every detail of our private drama...I don't know why. But, lately the viciousness of the "attacks" on me, have become unbearable. <P> I do not bring up my xH anymore...not since last summer. But, no matter where I go, I am accosted with either questions about my xH or stories about him. It would almost be funny...but it is so hard to deal with on a constant basis. <P> I do not know why people are so involved in our story. Though we were a high profile glamorous, yet very PRIVATE couple, during our 21 years of marriage, we also had great challenges in our marriage, including caring for our handicapped son for 10 years, until his death. My xH travels with a very tony set of people, and he does lead a very exciting life. But, WHAT gives everyone a right to voice their opinions on OUR relationship??<P>The town seems divided into two camps, the few people, who actually hope we will eventually get back together, as unlikely as it may seem, and the ones who hope to become my xH's NEXT wife or have a friend that they can fix him up with!<P>But, I do not know HOW to deal with the nasty ones, you know, the ones who just "have to" tell you something because "they just feel that you SHOULD know this or that", under the guise of "friendship", for my own good. Always followed by their oh, so "sincere" advice that I should stop investing energy in this relationship, that is clearly not going to resolve itself "the way I hope" that it will.<P>I cannot just tell them to politely shut up. I wish that I could, but I can't. I need to handle this in a bit more subtle manner. Can anyone suggest some effective lines to use on all these "helpful" people?<P>I do not wish to give up hope, I still believe that God will work a miracle in my life. But, I feel so besieged, it is like living in enemy territory. Please help me, I feel so alone...<P>Thanks for listening.<P>~skye~<P><p>[This message has been edited by skye (edited March 13, 2000).]

Skye,<P>Just remember that our battle is not with people, but in the spiritual realm. I believe that people are influenced by demonic spirits all the time, and they are just doing what they have been directed to do by those who would destroy your relationship with your husband. <P>Let them say what they will, you are on a higher path.<P>May the Lord Bless You and Keep You,<BR>John

(((((((((((((Skye)))))))))))))<P>first of all, let me say this, I read your profile and searched your posts....<P>regardless of what happens regarding your exH, I must say that you appear to be one incredible human being....you have survived, and appear better for it...the advice you have given, the caring you have shown, the compassion...I hope I have some of your grace, eloquence and true beauty at the end of this mess...<P>I understand fully the conundrum with the 'nosey-parkers'....<P>how about one of these tid-bits whenever yur exH is brought up in a conversation:<P>look at your watch, and suddenly remember that you have somewhere to be...<P><BR>as soon as they start opening their mouths, thank them for their concern...<P>advise those you know that exH is a closed subject...<P>tell them "oh, yes, I've already heard that one"...right after they start....<P>As for being bombarded by all their negative energy, visualize a shimmering 'bubble' around you...then visualize that it's surface reflects negativity and only allows positive energy to flow into your 'space'....do this while sitting quietly, and visualize as needed...especially when being told of dinner parties and 'fix-ups'....<P>amazing the tact that some people have...<P>you know what is going on or what is not going on in your life... these people in your town, can only speculate and gleefully gossip...<P>I realize you cannot tell them to shut up, but you can respond with a smile, a pat of their hand and nicely tell them that you really are not interested in that topic, and then change the topic....<P>not much help, but the only 'nice' solution I could think of....LOL..I am the type that would tell them that I really do not give a hoot what he is doing, (as long as he is fine and healthy) and could they kindly stop feeling as if they are the exH police? and informers?<P><BR>Dylan<BR>

John and Dylan,<P> thank you both so much for your support, it is greatly appreciated.<P>The nay sayers were out in full force this past week, but I don't know why. Their "attacks" left me feeling totally spiritually spent. I don't think I have felt that devastated since my xH left our home 4 years ago.<P>Why do people feel that they have the right to offer their UNSOLICITED opinions on MY LIFE?? <P>I have had so much loss in my life...every single person I have ever loved has left me, dead and gone forever...just vanished off the face of the earth...literally, and in my xH's case...divorce took him from me.<P>I thank God every minute of everyday, that I still have my precious older son left to love. He and I are all alone in the world. And sometimes, I think that it seems far too dangerous to love...because everyone I love seems to just disappear from my life...<P>Sometimes, I just grow so weary of the struggle to hold onto my hope. I have hoped for so long...<P>And, then to be surrounded by such unkindness...sometimes it just leaves me so stunned and feeling so confused.<P>Thank you for your support, and Dylan, I especially enjoyed, your designation of these people as the "xH police informers"...that brought me to laughter. I will use that often to help me cope with the absurdity of it all.<P>No one has the right to try and steal away another's hope. They are not privy to God's plans for my life, or for my xH's life. And, I know too, that I have also been guilty of this in the past. And, for that I am deeply remorseful. <P> We often think we have a clearer truer picture of what the plan is, than the person going through it. But, we each get to choose for ourselves what our life will be, and what we choose to honor. <P>Life is difficult enough, without the added burden of listening to everyone's opinions on how we should live our lives. <P>Thanks for the encouragement...I needed it!<P>~skye~<P>

Skye,<P>Try to remember that you and your son are not alone in the world. God is with you. If you ask him, he will give you his strength. He has promised that when we seek him with all of our hearts, we will find him. <P>May the Lord Bless you and keep you.<BR>John

John.<P>thank you for your prayers. You are right, I had stopped praying for a long time. I constantly dialogue with God, and I thought that this was essentially the same thing as praying. And, I never stopped praying for other people...just myself...seemed no point to keep repeating myself.<P>I felt that God had abandoned me, just as everyone else in my life had done. I felt He had not heard my prayers, or worse yet...just didn't care. I know now that He will answer my prayers in HIS time, not mine.<P>I realized that my anger at God was what was stopping me from praying again. By not praying, I felt that it was my way, of showing God, that I was mad at Him. I know now, that if I could not forgive God, for my perceived abandonment of me, then I would stay in the wilderness.<P>He has been waiting patiently for me to come to this realization. Thank you for praying for me. I truly am so grateful.<P>God bless you for your kindness.<P>~skye~