My mil e-mailed me last night and thought it might be a good idea for my husband and I to see an arbitrator. Mil talked to my h on Sunday and asked him if he really wanted a divorce... He said he didn't know. Then she asked him if he still loves me and he said yes.Thank God he knew the answer to that one!!! Anyway, my wonderful mil would love to see us stay together. I love her dearly and she is so supportive of me. Anyway, she thought arbitration might be a good idea. The only thing she is worried about is if the arbitrator would be a person who tends to lean towards divorce. Well, I e-mailed her back and asked if she could be our arbitrator. I know she is looking out for our best interest. She is going to talk to her counselor about it tomorrow and see what she thinks. She is also going to try and get my h to meet her somewhere or come to visit her. I don't think she will go visit him because she doesn't want to set foot near the ow. <P>I hope someone can give me some opinions on the subject. Of course my h has to agree to the arbitration in the first place. He is living with the ow. But, I know he still loves me by the way he is treating me. He is just messed up right now. I don't know if this will work or help us or not. <P>Woozy

<BR>Woozy,<P>I've heard of people using arbitration instead of divorce, but I've never seen any analysis of typical outcomes. It has the advantage of being faster and cheaper, but I don't know whether the outcomes are in any way "better."<P>Good luck,<P>Bystander

I think what she was thinking is that we go talk to someone and they ask me what I want and ask my h what he wants and then we try to find a way to work through it and see if we can make it work. For example, I wanted him to get counseling and so I pushed that on him. He didn't move in with the ow until he was two days away from his first counseling session. He couldn't face it, so he ran to her because she won't make him face his problems. That would only hurt her because he might figure out that she is a mistake so of course she is going to tell him counseling is a waste of time. AND she has told him that. So, in arbitration, we would see if we still want to be married then figure out a way to stay married and work on our problems in a way that is comfortable to both of us. I don't know... just something to think about I guess.<P>Woozy

Hi Woozy<BR>I wonder if it would not perhaps be better if you used some one not emotionally involved with the two of you a "neutral" person instead of your MIL, its a good idea but how will your relationship be with her(MIL)/MIL and your H if the arbitration does not turnout the way you are hoping for?<P>Just a thought.<P>I know my H and I had my MIL trying to help us and in the long run it had damaged my relationship with her - although my H and I are doing very well (without her help!!)<P>Jenny <P>------------------<BR>Where have all the cowboys gone ?<BR>Paula Cole

<BR>Woozy,<P>I see what you mean...arbitration more for some good ol' fashioned joint decision making. The way I understand it, the idea behind arbitration is that the final decision is binding. If he's running to the OW to avoid counseling, then my hunch is that he'll avoid arbitration because it could bind him into going to counseling. Sorry to put it that way, but if he's engaging in avoidance strategies, he'll avoid arbitration, too, I think. <P>Bystander