I've had so much faith in the MB ideas. I've read that it's a great way to repair a marriage, this system has a high rate of success, etc., and I've believed what I've read.<P>Suddenly it seems like there are alot of posts about divorce instead of reconciliation.<P>Is it just me? Am I in a morose mood? <P>I've never seen this on the forum before. Is it something new?<P>Have there always been alot of divorces, just not talked about?<P>Have they been talked about but I've been blind to it?<P>I've been trying to save my marriage for about 10 years. I've only been on this forum for a few months, but it's helped me so much.<P>I'm beginning to doubt my chances of success. If you all can't make it with all the experience here, how will I ever succeed?<P>Just my thoughts tonight.... <P>Keo<P>another thought... maybe he'll never "wake up", maybe my marriage is dead too and I'm to stuborn to bury it... <P><p>[This message has been edited by Keosha (edited March 14, 2000).]

Hi Keo,<P>I have noticed that to and it can be discouraging for us trying to save our marriages. Sometimes the divorce process has to take place for the reality to set in for some. Last summer my H filed for divorce but before he came back to me we stopped it. Of course he has wondered again and also wants to come home again.<P>Sometimes on this rollercoaster divorce just becomes part of it weather we like it or not. <P>I went to talk to counseler today and she told me when I am ready to push him aside and move on I will know. So far I am hoping just like you and this forum has helped very much for me to keep that hope, even with the ones that do end in divorce. This forum is good because I know that I am not alone in my thinking. Sometimes I think to myself why I keep hanging on, but that is what I choose to do at this time.<P>I guess what I am trying to say is that I have learned from the past mistakes I have made and I hope to avoid them when he comes back again.<P>Good Luck and hang in there!<P>Pam<p>[This message has been edited by Pinky (edited March 14, 2000).]

Hi Keo,<P>I have no idea!!<P>I just know that what is right for me, at whatever time, I will know what to do.<P>Did that make sense.? <P>I know that I won't hang around waiting for ever, but I don't know the time frame that I will hang around for. At this very moment, I feel as tho' I will NOT hang around one more minute... having a bad day here. I hate him.<P>I don't even want to think about reconciling with him, I never want to look at him again.<BR>There is a reason for my foul mood, but I won't be able to explain it until I calm down. !! I'm sure you understand.<P>BTW, can I borrow your gun ?????????<P>love and hugs to you<P>Jo<P><BR>ps - did you find the bath bombs? Let me know if you can't find them, and I'll send you one if you would like...

Keo, <BR>I think many of us here perhaps found the MB techniques later on in the affair, perhaps some of us were not able to follow the principles as closely as we could have, (I know I LB a lot in the beginning, was it too much?) soem of us have spouses who will not give up the affair in any timely fashion....I guess there are many reasons.<P> This certainly does not mean that the principles don't work, it may just be the circumstances. I know for myself, I have learned a lot about myself and about marriage. I expected the marriage to take care of itself. I thought the love in a marriage was unconditional. It is not. <BR>It is an individual decision fo reach of us.<P> I can assure you that any relationship I ever enter into again, whether with my X or another, will be with both of us embracing the MB principles fully. Will my x ever do that?? Doubtful. Will he find happiness with another? Doubtful. Will I?? I sure hope so and will put the effort into it that it takes!<P>------------------<BR>Susan

It is very discouraging to read of so many divorces. I am new here also and only about 2 months into discovery, if you can callit that since H still won't say anything. (but he is currently not living here)<P>But, I will tell you this, by lurking, as they call it, it seems to me that the success stories have a lot to do with the betrayed and the faith and patience and unconditional love they had. These are things I struggle with minute to minute.<P>I drive in my car thinking "I hate you> I hope when you wake up you will feel the excruciating pain that I have felt" Then I speak with H on phone about the kids or see him when he is over and I am really quite calm and patient. <P>Faith is something I also need to focus on. I have always wanted to control the outcome of any situation. It is truly hard to "give it Up". It is also hard to see what lessons the kids need to learn in these situations.<P>I had a great friend tell me that we don't know what God has planned for my children in the future. Perhaps their seeing my strenght and faith will be what they need sometime later in life. I think that's what gets me out of the doldrums. <P>I guess this isn't helping but I thought I'd add a comment anyway!!!!

Keo,<P>Well, you know the main reason I'm getting divorced, but I also wish I had found the site sooner. If nothing else, I could have gotten out sooner. But maybe it could have helped things. I'll never know now.<P>Don't let the divorces happening on the board discourage you. Just look at all of the people who aren't getting divorced! If you need some encouragement, read posts at the recovery board.<P>You do what is right for you. Don't let our decisions to divorce make any decisions for you. <P>(((((KEO)))))<BR>Mitzi<BR> <p>[This message has been edited by Mitzi (edited March 15, 2000).]

Keosha,<P>I sense and share your frustration. Sometimes I feel like a major chump busting my behind to Plan A, getting little result.<P>I love what you said:<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>another thought... maybe he'll never "wake up", maybe my marriage is dead too and I'm too stuborn to bury it... <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Hee hee! That gave me a chuckle!<P>Of course there is no guarantee of success by following the MB principles. But one thing that I think IS guaranteed is that there will be no question in our minds that we gave it our best shot. We did the right thing in God's eyes, took the high road, etc. <P>That may not sound like much consolation right now, but I wouldn't want to be the person who looks back someday and says "if only I had tried harder". I would hate to live the rest of my life with that regret.<P>Some marriages probably just can't be saved no matter what. A sad but undeniable fact.<P>Will we "know it" when/if we come to that point? I don't know. I never would have guessed I could carry on this long (8 months). I don't really know what my "limit" is. I have set arbitrary deadlines in my head and have shrugged and continued on past every one. You would think giving up would be so easy - but it isn't for everybody.