Hi, I have been lurking around for a few weeks, and have been following the hurt, pain, suffering that Nicole and Arik have been thru. I must admit that I too have been in their shoes, only I have been where Arik has been. <BR>You see, 5 years ago I had a physical affair which devistated my husband and myself. We have been on that rollarcoaster of divorce and separation for years. It doesn't help that he also had an online emotional affair,as I have also had an on line to offline emotional affair. (Which was revealed about 1 year ago.) What we realized that neither were meeting each others emotional needs, as well as the physical ones too. Luckily, we have survived, and struggle each and every day to have sucess in our marriage. <BR>My online/offline emotional affair suddendly went to a "friendship" level with this man, who is also married. We discussed all the turmoil that we would have created, had we gone forward and turned this emotional feelings into a physical affair. We now share a very good friendship with each other. We do continue to respect each others marriages, and do not communicate near as often as we used to, and we seem to communicate more often when one of our spouses are around. <BR>I want to make sure that my marriage continues to have the harmony that we have struggled to maintain.<BR>By the way, my husband and I do love each other very much and he has forgiven me for the affair, and also states that he is ok with the friendship of this other man... actually he states he respects him because we didn't go the physical route. I must say I do have a loving, caring, and compassionate man in my life, and that is my husband. <BR>Thank you all for being here! <P>Angel <BR><P>------------------<BR>Some people come into our lives & quickly go, Some people move our souls to dance. They awaken us to new understandings with<BR>the passing whisper of their wisdom, Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon. They stay in our lives for awhile leave footprints on our hearts, & we are never, ever the same.

Sounds like you are recovering nicely. I'm sure you have a lot to offer to folks here. I found you quote concerning taking your emotional affair to the physical route and then backing off interesting. <P>Can you elaborate on that? Thank you in advance.<P>SHA

""Some people come into our lives & quickly go, Some people move our souls to dance. They awaken us to new understandings with<BR>the passing whisper of their wisdom, Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon. They stay in our lives for awhile leave footprints on our hearts, & we are never, ever the same.**<P>SHA, thanks for your reply! I found this quote on a web site, not sure where. I've kept it as a reminder of what my "friend" had to offer me in advice. When we met, all the physical capabilities and excitement of something new was definatly there. From day one of meeting face to face, having a physical relationship (consumating the affair) ment that "everything would change." Our friendship that we shared became so very important to each of us that hurting our spouses was definatly something neither one wanted to do. Actually, I remember talking, and hearing my own voice, looking at him, telling him of the devistation my first affair had and as I described the pain I relieve that horrible experience of the day my husband broke into tears when he asked me if there was some one else..(4 years prior). I can honestly say this man is a true friend, sex was not on the 'to do list." He has stood by me when my husband has not be there to share the pain and worrysome that I have gone thru. <P>So you see, the quote is for a quiet reminder, that he came into my life, (he comes and he goes), the advice that he offers and the caring words are always there when I can count on them...and yet he respected my marriage, and understood the true meaning of friendship vs. lust. I'm not saying it wasn't an easy path by any means to turn and walk away, there were deep feelings involved, but our first priority was to our own individual families. I can truely say he taught me the meaning of friendship between a male and a female. He may not be there tommorow or the next day, but I know he is out there. If we were to not communciate for years to come, the teachings we have taught one another regarding our marriages, and our friendship will always remain sacred. And in 20 years from now, if we would run into each other.. the feeling of friendship would remain. <P>He truely touched my heart like no other man has, with one exception, and that is my husband. <P>I hope I was able to elaborate on your queston. <P>Angel<BR><P>------------------<BR>Some people come into our lives & quickly go, Some people move our souls to dance. They awaken us to new understandings with<BR>the passing whisper of their wisdom, Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon. They stay in our lives for awhile leave footprints on our hearts, & we are never, ever the same.