Things have been going very good for me so far this week....I think?!?<P>I have received many hugs and kisses...without even asking! She has been very friendly for towards me and calls me at work at least once a day just to say "hi".<P>I do not want to get my hopes up because I know her emotions are still very confused. But, I'll take even the smallest of steps these days!<P>The problem is: she is still leaving the door wide open for her EA to rekindle! She claims to have only spoken to the OM once in the last month and that was to tell him that I knew about their relationship. We had discovery on 2/13, now over a month. When we talk, she tells me that she "is not ready to give that (the relationship) up." She still does not consider it an affair, just a "good" friendship. Even though she can see (I think) how much this is hurting me and our marriage.<P>Is it possible for us to begin our recovery while the door is open for this EA to continue???? Has she even begun to go through withdrawl since she has made no "commitment" to stop seeing OM?????<P>Do I have the right to ask her make a "no contact" rule??? If so, how do I go about this without making an ultimatum????<P>Any insight to these questions would be greatly appreciated!!!!!!!!<P>Doug<BR><P>------------------<BR>Don't give up...don't ever give up!" --Jimmy Valvano

Kinda:<BR> You know, a month isn;t really that long, tho I know it feels like it. You are making great progress!!!<BR> I think it sounds like you are in recevry, even tho she still sees him sometimes...I do not think you can demand "no contact"...demands are a lovebuster. You can tell her that you would feel better if she would agree to no contact, and try to reach an agreement there...but this won't work unless she has reached the point of re-committing to the marriage. So, unless that is where you are, I'd keep up the Plan A. Once you are at that point, and the two of you agree to work on the marriage, you can bring it up and try to reach an agreement.<BR> My H still sees the woman he had an EA with (they work at same company, tho do not see each other often). He agrees it would be better if no contact, but has not been able to get other job yet (waiting on word for one)...nevertheless, we are making progress.<BR> Hang in there--<BR>Kathi

KindaBlue - My wife and I are going through a very similiar situation. D day for me was New Years Day, so you and I are both very new to this. I have learned through many errors that my wife does not respond well to ultimatums. I tried that, it only brings resentment.<BR>The way I look at things now, is that if my wife stops her relationship with with OM, it should be <B>Her</B> decision. If she decides of her own free will to stop seeing the OM, then she won't resent me for <B>"making her"</B> stop seeing him. I do tell her that I in no way condone any contact that she has with the OM and that it is hurtful to me, but I do not tell her that it has to be "my way or the highway".<P>I want my wife back, but I don't want her back because I made her think the way I do. I want her to decide on her own that I am the only man that should be in her life. I am Plan Aing my little heart out, and yes, I fall down occasionally, as I am sure most people do.<P>So, I think that you should keep up the good work, and realize that there will be many ups and downs before everything is said and done. If you Plan A, and she decides that You are the only man for her, then you get a double benefit. You will have become a much better person, <B>And</B> you will have your wife back. If you Plan A, and she decides that she doesn't want your marriage anymore, you will still be a better person. Either way you will come out ahead.<P>Best of luck to you. Continue to work on you. By changing you, the world will change around you.