It has been awhile since I was here so will give a brief update. My H has told me that he has realized that they can't even be friends so is staying away from OW. I don't see how as she is his secretary, plus this morning I was looking for a CD and found one in his computer case from her..Collin Raye..you all know the one...maybe I did the wrong thing but I wrote him a note..I love you and will always be here for you...and put it over the CD case. He will probably be upset, but it is done now and I will explain to him what happened if he asks. Things seem to be getting a little better. He is talking to me more and even called me twice the other day to tell me where he was and when he would be home. That is a BIG difference! He also asked me if I would like to go to an out of town dinner,related to his work, with him. He had a session with our counselor the other night and it seems that some things have changed since then, or at least I can tell that he is thinking a lot about something. As for me, I have realized that I cannot curl up and die because of his brainlessness, and he has noticed. I have gotten back on my treadmill and been running outside. I have started being very meticulous in my dress even at home...he wasn't first attracted to me because I was a slob. It has had an effect at work too, as several gentlemen have spoken to me as of late and that is good for the ego. I have been pleasant and caring when with him and make sure that when he calls me I have a smile in my voice. I share with him my feelings and concerns and always ask about his as well and listen/encourage him to tell me how he feels.It is so true that before you can work on your relationship you have to work on yourself. I am doing that and I can tell/feel that my attitude is changing. In a book I am reading it talks about contribute vs. contaminate in regards to relationships and which one you have been doing. Well I was contributing some, but maybe contaminating more at times. I can say the same for my husband...so I ask myself at all times which I am doing and I can say that at this time I am being a major contributor. That is the best that I can do-just show him through words and deeds that I care and that I am not going to desert him even though he has hurt me. What will happen? I don't know, but this book also says that you don't have the right to just quit until you have tried everything possible to save a marriage, barring abuse of course, and I think that is true. I would not want to turn my back and always wonder what would have happened, until/unless I am certain I will not quit trying to rebuild our marriage and for right now it seems to be showing a little progress. Only time will tell, but right now that is what I have to give. It was hard at first, but I keep remembering something that a lady at church told me...'so what if'...I have asked myself that question and continue to do so when I think about what could be happening with the OW. So what if..I am still his wife, the mother of his children, we spend a great amount of time together sharing everyday life, we attend church together, go out together, and now that it is nice outside will start to do all the outdoor activities that we so love...all things that he can't do with her. This is his real life and he knows it. The fact of the matter is that I will survive whatever he can throw at me, that is a certainty. And that strength comes from my faith, in knowing that I am not alone in this time of trouble. Prayer is a powerful thing, and I believe that through it God is turning my H heart around little by little. I'm sorry to have run on and touched on so many topics, but it seems that there are alot of things going on right now in my/our life and they all seem to be related. I hope that this can give someone else a little hope that things can get better in time, and if nothing else I have discovered a lot about myself and know that I have a lot to give to a relationship, and that may turn out to be the most important thing that comes from all of this.
