I never hear anyone mention STDs. I've been on this forum for a while, mostly lurking, but my H left me and my children after all the efforts to save the marriage. I just have a little advice about trying to save the marriage and keeping intimacy in tact. Realize that the spouse may be lying to you when they say it's "over". Don't take any chances, it's not worth it. I spent the other sitting in the public health dept. to get tested for all the STDs (with my children and all the other really nice people who were also there for testing). I won't know that result for weeks. However, I do have a nice surprise. He left me with herpes. This will be my only post just sheerly out of the humiliation of the whole ordeal. Be careful not to let your guard down even though you are trying to save your marriage. Had I had the chance again, I'd have stayed far away from him and required him to make a doctor's appt. to come home and stay.

That just sucks!! It sometimes amazes me on the stupidity of no protection!!! THEY ARE PUTTING OUR LIVES AT RISK FOR CHRIST SAKE!! But according to them "He/She isn't the type to have anything"!! WHAT!! yeah right! Neither are we, but yet some betrayed people have been left with health issues do to THE SPOUSE BEING THAT TYPE!! It just pisses me off! I'm sorry for what you have to and will continue to have to deal with. But, just be thankful it is nothing worse. At least you can take medication to control any outbreaks.

Wierded out:<P>I also contracted an std from my dear H. He was kind enough not to inform me of his affair and all the while had sex with me. You are right, it is the most humiliating experience I have ever been through. After I was informed by this much younger ow's mother about the A. I made him go through all of the medical checks, but it was too late. Thankfully, mine was eradicated, as far as I know, by antibiotics. But he insisted that it just couldn't have possibly come from her! What crap! Where else does he think it came from. A toilet seat? What really hurts is that he had absolutely no concern for me and my health at all! I have never felt so used and dirty in my entire life. That's what I've gotten for thirty years of "marriage". I feel like I'm the only one that was married in this marriage. Please take care and know that others here are thinking of and praying for you. It' so terribly hard, but you can go on.

Thanks,<P>I was stupid enough to believe him. It was also after the fact that I found out other information that leads me to believe that he has been playing around for literally years with other women. I'm a very tall, thin and pretty woman for my age (38). I thought after he was gone, I'll eventually meet someone nice who has never been a betrayer. Now I feel I'll be alone for the rest of my life raising my children. I'm looking forward to a very difficult life and feel devastated all over again. No one in their right mind would want me now.<P>Please do not think if your spouse wants sex back that it means reconciliation. Don't leave yourself open. I thought the crying stopped when he left and I had accepted the situation for what it was. Now I have to cry all over again.<P>Thanks for your support. God bless.

There are lots of old thread on STD's. And lots of advice for EVERYONE to get tested. Of course asking your spouse to do it and them agreeing, doesn't mean it will happen...<BR>

Weirded out,<P>Welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing your information with us.<P>I pray that you don't receive any other news in the 2 week results that come back. Once, about 6 years ago, me and H were just BF/GF at the time, he was screwing around and I got a yeast infection from him that came from HER> YUCK. That is the most disgusting thing to think of. I was furious.<P>YEs, I went on to marry him, have 3 kids, the house etc, only to have him cheat on me and leave me on xmas day. I want to add to your post, if I may.<P>THERE IS A BIG CHANCE LADIES, that ONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER. I know it hurts, but its true.<P>My prayers are with you and don't be humiliated to post again, no one here will judge you, we all except each other just as we come, so please, don't be a stranger! <P>Dana

After I found out about my H's affair, I realized why I was having some female problems. Fortunately it was nothing serious, but I had to be tested for all STD's and it was contracted from OW since I have NEVER had sex with anyone but my H. You are right, it is humiliating. I was so embarrassed that I changed OB/GYN's. I just couldn't stand the thought of him reading my file and seeing that everytime I came in for a check-up. I will never understand betrayers.<P><P>------------------<BR>Blessed be.<BR>****************<BR>Keridwen<P>Keridwen_7@yahoo.com

<BR>weirded out,<P>Don't feel that you have to go lurk in humiliation for what's happened to you. YOU didn't do anything wrong, your husband did.<P>I have to admit, the whole STD thing just makes my skin crawl. It is beyond unconscionable to expose someone to an STD without their knowledge. Ugh.<P>Bystander

weirded out,<P>Please take what Bystander said to heart, I cannot agree with more with that opinion. YOU did nothing wrong. <P>I have only been posting here for a very short time, but have found so much strenght in the advice and wisdom of others. Please continue to post. It's a great way to get out your frustrations. Writing is theraputic and I always feel better after I put words on paper. <P>I am just so very sorry about your situation. It could happen to any one of us, and there is no shame in that. I have a few freinds with herpes, and it has not changed their lives much at all. You just have to be in tune with your body and know when to/and not to be intimate. <P>In the meantime, kick the cat, beat up your pillow, go somewhere and scream. I'd be angry as heck too!

Hi again,<P>That's not why I'm lurking. I just check up on some of the people I've been interested in and talking to once in a while. I've changed my username because of humiliation. I can't believe I was so stupid. I just hope someone else will read this and take notice. I thought my H and I really were going to be ok. He was being very sweet and intimate with me, only to find out in his words he was just testing me out to see if he really still had any feelings.<P>I must say tho, I thought this was only female problems also, starting back in September and that's because what I have is very mild and really wasn't noticable. I was diagnosed with yeast infections and bacterial infections, until finally the truth was found.<P>No one deserves this. We were married for a long time, 14 years and together for 20, and he was suddenly a different person. And in my case, I find myself suddenly a different person also. Utterly destroyed with no hope once again.<P>LISTEN UP all you who rejoice at the return of intimacy. Just be careful.

wierded out, PLEASE DON'T BELIEVE that since you have this that you will be alone. Before I was married I was in a long term relationship with someone who had it too. We were careful, read up on all of the info's of do's and do not's. You don't have to tell every person that you date. But if it becomes serious and you feel comfortable telling then do so, and if they really care for you it won't matter as long as you help them to become knowledgable about it. I also have a female friend who has herpes too, but that has never hindered any relationship she has ever had.

<BR>weirded out,<P>I know the fact that your disease is incurable is just hammering your self-worth. I suppose its true that in future relationships, when you reveal your HSV status, the person might run away like his hair is on fire. But probably not, and in any event that kind of behavior says a lot more about the person running away than it says about you. HSV doesn't make you less marriageable, it doesn't make you less attractive, and it doesn't reflect anything except the fact that you trusted your own husband.<P>Bystander

Now you all have me crying my eyes out again.<P>That was my crime. I trusted someone who I was supposed to trust. Someone I though was given to me by God himself thru marriage. Someone I always loved more than myself.<P>You're right, it is my self-esteem that is taking a huge hit, again. I don't know how many more hits I can take. I'm a punching bag.<P>Thanks one more time.

weirded out<BR>Don't be humiliated and don't think you are stupid. I got the same little gift as you from the bimbo.<BR>Now I get to remember her every 4-5 months it seems. <BR>Anger? Yep I have that. But I am not the stupid one. Neither are you. I did all the right things. My H and bimbo didn't.<BR>For years I heard sob stories about how sick the bimbo was with her lupus. Her circulation is so bad she almost had to have her hands amputated. Kidney problems so bad she might have to have a kidney removed (although she has never been near dialysis).<BR>So when I discovered the STD, I asked my H if she had ever mentioned THAT when she was whining about her other ailments. No!<BR>He is so sorry! What about her? Once more he takes full responsibility when she is the one spreading it to every Tom, [censored], Harry and their partners.<BR> Sorry! Had to vent. This topic gets me going.

<BR>weirded out,<P>I mean this sincerely: Its not a crime to trust your spouse. Don't take the blame for your disease, its the result of another person's unconscionable decision.<P>To repeat: You did NOTHING wrong, your husband did.<P>Bystander

I realize I didn't do anything wrong. Knowing that doesn't help really. I just found this out so it's a tender issue for me. He's coming over tomorrow to "visit" the boys and I wonder if I should confront him. It isn't going to change anything. I tend to want to just let him and his girlfriend go off into "OZ" together. He isn't going to care what further pain he's caused me anyway. Nothing he's done up to now seemed to phase him.<P>Oh well, I've been here too long, I need to recoup and cook something for my hungry little squirrels who are fighting again downstairs. Thanks, goodbye all.

weirdedout...<P>Oh, I am just so sorry that this happened to you..and also to wasstubborn. Thank you both for your honesty, I bet there will be a few more people in the clinic soon getting checked out because of your posts.<P>It's just not fair is it.

weirded out<P>Do not go away, do not be embarassed, do not be ashamed. You did nothing wrong.<P>Of course you feel awful now, but take the time to find out more about herpes, it does not have to be the end of relationships. It does mean that you will have to be more vigilant in observing your body, but you are not some sort of leper.<P>And stop kicking yourself for being stupid, you trusted, sometimes it pays off, sometimes it doesn't. Do you really want to go through life without any sort of trust again? There is life and possibly love while there is life, after herpes, after cancer, after AIDS. But, if you give up hope, well then the probablities decrease.<P>Take care, reduce stress, learn more, eat well, and come back and tell us how you are.

Yeah, my H said OW wasn't the type either... but ya know... she had this husband, ya see... and nobody knows where HE'S been... so it's condoms for me and my H until we go through yet another round of tests!<P>Oh, and weirded out... not your fault... not by a longshot...remember that! <p>[This message has been edited by new_beginning (edited March 15, 2000).]

I worry all the time about that. I have never been checked....I know I need to but.....<P>I did end up with scabies.<BR>I was embarassed because the dr and internet material said that in adults it is spread usually from sexual contact.<P>The girls didn't have it and neither did stbx. The dr explained to me that he could have just been a carrier.<P>I had to spread cream from my neck to the tips of my toes. The girls had to also...even though they showed no signs. My stbx refused to use the cream....sd that I must have gotten it somewhere else.<P>I let him read the info packet on scabies and he just ripped it up and threw it away.<P>I know....scabies....big deal compared to what I could have gotten/or have.<P>But to me it was very humiliating<P>Nancy