Just sitting here thinking to myself why am I bothering to try to save the relationship. My H is still very much into the fantasy.<P>I have kids who are in pain. I am in pain. The amount of humiliation and embarassment (because 2 married adults are acting like 13 y.o. and everyone knows it) I feel is excruciating.\<P>You know, I haven't been a bad wife. Everyone else tells me so. Not perfect, but atleast honest!!!!<P>Not that I've even been given the chance to forgive (h. living away from home ) but I read the posts here and think I am not sure I could possibly deal with the withdrawal or having my spouse tell me that he is "in love" with the op. <P>Due to amount of time my H and op spend together did he really fall out of love with me or "inlove" with her while I was at home tending the hearth!!!!!!!!Unfair!!!They'll even admit that and selfishness and still think that that constitutes true "love" UG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<P>So back to my original question? Why do we bother?????? <P>

T.T.,<BR> Sometimes I think that we don't want to give up the life that we had with our spouse.We don't want to be alone,or have to start"dating"all over again.I have asked myself that,too,why would I even want her back after she gave me a real screwjob?Nobody's perfect,nobody.But honesty and integrity counts for a lot nowadays.I guess I don't feel embarrased anymore for my W acting like a child.But I do wonder what all my nieces and nephews think when they see their 44 year-old aunt sitting at her families house with her 32 year-old trophy-boyfriend.I don't know why we bother,either.I'm getting too old for this [censored]! --Murph

Murphy, Thanks for your reply. You know, I just saw my H. when he brought the kids home tonight. He looks like ****. I wonder why?<P>Is he feeling bad because he thinks he's "in love" but hurting me and the kids. Or does he realize somewhere deep down that he's done a not so good thing but doesn't or can't stop it yet.<P>I can tell you he's not happy, but I can't tell you why. I have always known him not to be too happy about anything BUT me and the kids. (that was before the witch!)<P>But after seeing him and hugging him goodby I can tell you why I am bothering. It's because I love him, I really, really love him. (at the risk of sounding like Sally Fields).<P>But I don't know, should I cut the string for him and let him have his "soulmate" or do I not, because I know that it's impossible. And that in a year, he will be in the same shape or worse because he'll lose his kids. And hey, I really did love him and accept him for who he was, warts and all. <P>UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!