Maybe I am just incapable of understanding addiction. I guess I don't understand why anyone would want to feel "high". Maybe I don't even understand what "high" is - walking by an open can of beer makes me nauseous and dizzy, so I'm not about to actually drink any. I don't understand the "butterflies in the stomach" feeling of being "in-love" - I remember the exact moment when I was sure I loved my H, and what I felt was peace. I have never had a clue why people would want to drink or take drugs, or bungee jump, for that matter. Maybe I'm odd (ok, I probably am odd), but what is this adrenalin-rush thing? Why is that a good feeling? I certainly felt an adrenalin rush the other day when some idiot in a SUV nearly hit me head-on, and it was definitely not a pleasant sensation. <P>

Nellie, I'm going over this topic in my head a lot also. I have really been trying to get a handle on the addiction thing. <P>We all talk about this "inlove" feeling vs. being in love. We seem to refer to the "inlove" feeling as the high. Thats where the addictive feeling comes from.<P>Ya know, It's not healthy. It's not real. There is something in side of a person that has to be reckoned with for them to NEED this feeling. That's what I've come to believe. <P>Granted, there are some marraiges that are truly lousey, lots of fighting, abuse of many kinds. <P>But it seems that for a lot of us, our marraiges by all appearances were good. NOt perfect, but good. We might have relaxed alittle in our relationships, or gotton busy with childrearing. But hey......<P><BR>I really think there is something going on inside of these people. Something bigger than our marraiges or us. It is something about them.<P>Low self esteem, depression, I don't know. I started reading a book about male depression called "I don't want to talk about it" The book decribes the act of turning to any substance, person, or action to regulate one's self-esteem as an addiction. It goes on to say that when a depressed man's connection to the object of his addiction is undesturbed he feels good about himself. When the connection to that object is disturbed, he plummets, or withdrawals which drives him back to the addiction.<P>I,m reading all of this thinking....What does it matter that I understand it. It is still destroying my children!!!!!

I have been doing a lot of research on this "infidelity" thing. I have learned so much!!! I am researching specifically for myself(a betrayer) and my H for help, but also for a college class(eng. comp II). I decided to combine one paper for two classes(okay from both teachers) i decided to ask my addictive behavior teacher if this would be okay. She said "NO" Infidelity is NOT an addictive behavior!!!!!!!!??????? BUT, all the research(over 200 hours of research) all says it is addictive. I know from current experience that it feels VERY addictive and obsessive!<BR>The dictionary says:"To devote or give (oneself) habitually or compulsively." I do believe an affair is addictive.

Nellie1,<BR>I have to agree wholeheartedly with Mercy and Dr. Harley. Infidelity is an addiction. What is an addiction? It is a substance, feeling, action, need (physical, emotional, mental), that you feel you must feed more than anything else, something you would do almost anything for, at any particular moment. It is something that is almost completely impossible, by self-will, to give up without great difficultly and pain. It is something which seems to negate one's logical mental processes so that the need, feeling, substance can be fed no matter what! It seems to be a form of possession (not necessarily demonic, but close to it). <BR>I'm sure that as a member of the human race, you too have been addicted to something in your life.<BR>For what it's worth, that's my definition. My life's living proof of that right now.<BR>Pilgrim