I'm about to do something that I'm not sure if I will regret or not. I may regret it if I don't do it. I have come upon the OW's e-mail address by way of a mutual friend who sends us both mail at the same time.<BR> <BR> I desperately want to e-mail her, not nasty or anything, just tell her that she owes me an apology and finally confront her. I never confronted her in the whole 10 months since discovery and it burns me up. I want her to know that she hurt me bad and find out why she saw fit to destroy my life. <P> My husband and I are doing very well right now and I don't want to rock the boat, but I'm sure this will give me closure. It will always be in the back of my mind that I had the chance and did not confront her. Help, I need advice badly.

Is the affair over has she tried to contact H. Is she trying to get over your H? Are you really looking for closure or are you wanting to get a little revenge. Think about this things, before you do anything. You maybe opening a can of worms by emailing her. If the affairs is truly over and she has not contacted your H, remember she may be going through withdrawal and by contacting her it might make her contact you H and you don't want to do it. My suggestion is to get rid of email address and forget about it. The price might be more then you want to pay.<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

Hurtone,<BR>If you and your husband are doing well and he is having no contact with OW, I see no useful purpose in contacting her. It could give you closure, but it could also open old, ugly wounds for you and your H. Whatever you choose to do with the email address, I wish you well.<BR>Happy holidays!<BR>Janice

If you and your husband is doing fine. I would leave it alone. Think of yourself as the better person. The person that did not cheat and sleep with another womans husband. She is not worth your time, your thoughts or your anger. She is below low. Think of your self as strong, and going on. I would love to tell the O/W to kiss off and get out of my husbands life. He is still talking to her. My husband is not at home. If he was, I would move on and put my concentration on building a better marriage. An affair proof. If it helps write the O/W a letter on this forum and get it off your chest.<BR>Hope this helps!

Woulda....Shoulda.....Coulda........<P>My advice to you is to leave well enough alone. You will be doing nothing but stirring up a hornets nest, and you could be the one who ends up with the stinger!!<P>If wishes were pennies I'd be a millionaire. We probably all wish we could of had or done something different for closure. Your post yesterday spoke of how wonderful things were going for you, none of us want to see that change.<P>------------------<BR>eyes wide open<BR>

DITTO DITTO DITTO

You guys always come through for me! I knew this is what you would say, I just had to hear it for myself. I know I will always wonder what she would say if I confronted her. Would she apologize? Would she make me question my marriage again? I guess I'll never know. It probably is a little late in the game to do this now. I don't want to ruin the happiness I have now. I know my husband would understand why I did it, but he would be disappointed. I guess I'll take the great advice I've been given and leave well enough alone! Thanks.--Kim

Don't e-mail this OW unless she contacts you or your H. Don't sink down to her scum level. Just a few days ago, I did e-mail the OW, but ONLY because I discovered that she e-mailed my H (after 9 months of affair having ended). We both wrote her and told her "Do Not Contact us." Again....e-mail ONLY if she contacts one of you. You don't want any more turmoil in your lives, especially when you & your H are recovering so well.<p>[This message has been edited by NoTrust (edited December 02, 1999).]

hurtone -- OK, if you really feel the need to write the OW. . .Go ahead and write her. Say everything you feel. Don't hold anything back.<P>Once you are finished with letter . . . DESTROY IT.<P>This will allow you to say the things you need to, but will not subject you to the potential reprecussions.<P>God Bless

well speaking from experiance the ow would most likely not respond. I sent the ow a email and she did nothing.....what could I expect she is spineless.....

hurtone - just wanted to let you know I struggle with the same thing. Its been almost nine months since disclosure (no "discovery") and I still have the need? desire to confront the ow. H didn't confirm who she was until two months after disclosure and when I knew who it was it hurt even more. I know most here on this mb say "don't do it" especially when things are going fairly well with recovery with your spouse. On the other hand my therapist keeps encouraging me to do it, not tell my H, and tell ow if she contacts my h as a result of my contact I will take "further steps". So, I am confused too - and I know that the more time that passes the more "nuts" I will appear to her if I contact her.<BR>On the other hand, it is not "all past history" as they work together and have some elaborate email system to tell each other where they will be when to avoid contact. What I truly want is for her to vanish. Don't really know what to tell you other than I understand.<BR> Simone